Emotionally vulnerable guy tells me he loves me... what to do?

I just started dating a guy who had no experience (read: had not even really made out with a girl) before we started dating. We've been together for about a month and a half, and within that time his mom has died and he's lost his virginity. He recently told me that he loves me, and I told him it didn't count due to the fact that he was drunk at the time. Was this an appropriate response? When is the right time to use the L word with someone so vulnerable?


Most Helpful Guy

  • My dad died last year.. My emotions are still all over the place.
    Best advice, what ever you are feeling be honest with him. And especially when he is drinking, give him some Lee-way to what he says, and that is also great advice, help keep his confidence up, !! his anxiety will be high along with the depression for a while

    • I'm sorry to hear that. You have my respect. I don't know what i would do without mine. Stay strong!

    • Thanks mate, really appreciate the comment

    • I'm sorry for your loss :( The grieving process is really hard. Thanks for the insight into the anxiety and depression aspects, I'll be sure to be watchful of that


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What Guys Said 5

  • I would definitely want the time to be right before me and any girl
    exchange i love you... I guess if things are going good between
    you two i would say give it least 2 months to be sure or it might
    start to happen all by accident someday when you two start talking
    about something or maybe exchange a kiss.

  • let him get over his loss first... givve him some time.

    he lost his mother it's not sth to take lightly ;-)

  • Be honest, worst thing to do is confuse him. I know it seems difficult, and he may be devestated for quite some time, but there really isn't a point in not telling him. If you continue the relationship he will be more heartbroken and confused than if you tell him forthright what your feelings are towards him.

    • I told him that I really like him and can see myself being with him for a long time, but that I wasn't ready to use the L word. He's fine with that :) I was just worried about how my reaction might have come off to him

    • I wouldn't worry, it sounds like he took it OK. Maybe he's disappointed, but it isn't like you broke up or anything. Don't overthink it and don't let it get in the way of your relationship

  • What really feels funny to me that you feel so much superior to him. Give the guy some time, he can think for himself. He's just lost his mother, for christ's sake.

    The response was fine, if he really was drunk.

    He used the L word, because, well, some guys do that right after having sex with someone (false interpretation of information? I don't know how else to put it) and it could also have something to do with the fact that he's just lost his mother so he is emotionally unstable and wants to hold on to someone, like you.

    • I don't feel superior to him at all. I was drunk at the time too when I said it didn't count, and I've been beating myself up over saying that to him. We've talked about it though, and he gets that for me it will take longer to say.

  • Umm just talk to him
    Not over text ir call but in person
    If u like him u can tell him cuz I think he does like u
    And if u don't just twll him that u love him as a friend and nothing more
    And that you two can be friends forever (as long as possible) and that he's a great guy
    Just make him feel confident and believe in u :)


What Girls Said 3

  • The right time to use that word is when you positively feel that way about him aswell... And I understand that at this point your probably feeling pretty sorry for him and want to nurture his emotions but if you don't have mutual feelings then in the end you will end up hurting him (and yourself) more.. Long story short, if you love the guy, genuinely, then tell him.. If you don't, then you need to let him know that aswell. Honesty and communication is EVERYTHING in a relationship. Good luck!

    • Thank you. After speaking with some friends they were surprised I didn't reciprocate, but I said it wouldn't be fair to him if I truly wasn't sure. This is a bit of a 'walking on eggshells' kind of situation emotionally though

    • Absolutely! I mean, you wouldn't lead a stray dog to your home and then refuse to shelter it, so I totally agree with how you responded, you will feel a lot better about the situation in the long run if for whatever reason you find that you actually dont have mutual feelings for him. and if you do end up falling for him, you will know for sure that its love, not 'lust' .. the thrill of the hunt ya know? you made the right choice in my eyes. best of luck to you and your new journey! :)

  • love is a figurative term. you can love someone or something in so many different ways but when you start caring about someone or for them (i. e. constantly worrying etc .) then thats when you use that word and yes it does count if he's drum because being drunk gives you the excuse to tell the truth that and your not thinking enough to lie or sugar coat it but if he hasn't said it since its because you've nocked his confidence. he won't think you'll believe him either way sooooo

  • He cares but I guess he doesn't see the difference in real love and puppy love. I don't know :/ talk to him about it?