Why won't anyone date me? Is it them or is it me with the issues?

I've asked myself this many times over the years. When I was younger I thought it was my looks. Everyone called me ugly when I was in school. So naturally I attributed it to my 5'4 statue tiny boobs, nearly flat booty and ruler, boyish, figure. I also hated on my face. Over the years though i've slowly began to accept my looks and realize that girls in magazines are photoshopped anyway. Then I thought it was because I was a caregiver to a elderly grandmother and sick mom. Maybe I had too much baggage. I still think this seeing as my cousin cares for my grandmother now and I still take care of my mentally disabled mother. Or maybe I intimidate guys. I've never been one to follow the gender expected rules. I'm also not afraid to do or say what I want even in a crowd full of people. I know i'm blunt and honest. Maybe my tastes are too eclectic. Maybe I'm too deep. Or maybe it's because I'm virgin. The truth is, I really don't know.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nah girl, you just need to find the guy who is as special and unique as yourself. Maybe join/attend more clubs/hobbies/art shows/etc. You are a beautiful soul which will be like a beacon of light for the right guy to find you.

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What Guys Said 13

  • If no one will date you, then it is always going to be you that has the issues, over it being ever other person in the world. I don't know you, so please don't take this too personally, but I can take a guess based on what you wrote.

    "I am also not afraid to do or say what I want even in a crowd full of people. I know I'm blunt and honest." this may be interpreted as being bitchy and insulting by most people. Typically the person claiming they are just being honest and others can't handle the truth just come off as asshole, pretending like they are just overly honest, when really they just like to bully people. Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but I have seen a lot of people like that before, which is why I think this might be how people view you, even if you don't mean to come off that way.

    You look attractive based on your photo, and most of the other traits that you wrote I would actually consider positive traits in a woman. Not everyone is willing to stand by their sick family members. That is definitely a huge plus in my book. You being a virgin also isn't something most guys would even know about, and most guys would actually either prefer it, or not care about it at all. It would be rare for being a virgin to be a negative, unless they guy is just looking for an easy lay.

    As far as you not being one to follow the gender expected rules, that is more about personal compatibility, and about if you still expect a guy to follow his gender rules, even though you don't. There are plenty of guys that like tomboyish girls. So that seems unlikely to be a problem.

    Granted I don't know the real you, but gong by your description your biggest problem seems to be that you need to work on being more tactful when being honest, instead of being overly blunt. You might also consider learning to lie more often, when the truth won't do any good. Sometimes the truth will only bring unnecessary pain, if it is something the other person can't change.

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    • Well I have my problem is I don't understand the purpose of certain social rules. Lying confuses me, a lot of times i'm being blunt and I say things not realizing they hurt people. I have always had issues expressing my own emotions. It makes me seem cold when i'm not. I just don't know how to react. In public I can feel drained for no reason. My little half brother has Asperger's syndrome and some people think I need to get tested for it. Apparently I just don't act normal. I don't think anything is wrong with me though. Heck even IF I did have it I wouldn't think anything was wrong with me. It is easier for me to talk to people on social media though than in public but I manage.

    • I understand that. Not everyone is blessed with great social skills. It can however cause miscommunications which in turn can cause others to judge them harshly. Even people that are just shy, or uncomfortable when meeting new people are often misidentified as being snobs. People that have a crush on someone may avoid contact with that person, and their crush may think they are hated by the shy person. Miscommunication is a huge problem for a lot of people.

      This may be why you do better in social media. Everyone else can no longer pick up on facial cues, tone of voice, or body language. This means everyone else has greater difficulty communicating, and is will be more likely to assume your meaning just wasn't made clear online.

  • Maybe you're too quiet and shy and it's hard to connect with you without having a lot of patience.

    You remind me of this girl I really liked in High School. She wasn't that popular but she had a wholesome, down to Earth/small town appeal to her that I consider ideal.

    We never got together. We were both too shy and awkward to approach eachother. Plus I had a girlfriend sophmore year when I first saw her in PE.

    You're different. I get it. I'm different too. There's nothing wrong with that. It just means it will take longer for you to find someone that understands.

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    • Well I am a little awkward around people my own age. I'm also a introvert.

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    • I know what you. Mean and I do those things. Usually i'm treated like i'm imature because of my interests. My dada's side would say that I shounld only read and watch romances and feel good movies because that's what's expected of me. The problem with that is I don't understand it so naturally I don't like it. So the told me to get into sports. I hate sports. In the American southeren states it's draining. So now i'm into fitness and I try to talk about that. I have a tendancy to stick to what I know and like the most. My mom even complains that I stay on one subject too much.

    • I will emphasize this point again.

      You need to forget about your problems and focus on learning about other people. Stop talking about yourself all the time.

      That's not to say that you don't matter. You MUST practice relating to other people.

  • Why don't you date someone instead of looking for someone to date you then?
    Go on the offensive?

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  • answer is you haven't found the right yet basically ;-)

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  • If someone is both blunt AND stand-offish AND socially awkward... that person will be written off as a totally toxic bitch/asshole, and people will stay away.

    When it comes to getting dates as a woman, bang approachable matters more than physical attraction... because no matter how attractive u look to a guy, If u don't come of as being receptive to an approach, he will simply dismiss you and go with a girl that looks like she is higher odds of success.

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    • To me u definitely look attractive... just work on looking approachable (eye contact, smiling at guys, etc.)

      The girl that always get guys aren't the most attractive, they are the ones that are the best at signaling to guys that they want him to approach her.

    • I don't really understand social rules well and I can't always tell if someone is upset. I also don't intend to hurt people I just don't see what I said as rude or anything to get upset over. Thus why some people want to test me for Asperger's.

  • Some guys may be intimidated by your looks I mean you are very beautiful, every one in your school was wrong

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  • You're not unattractive by any means. In my opinion as a guy, you're probably not behaving in a welcoming way. Do you smile at guys? Do you try talking to them in a nice way?

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  • Hello beautiful ;)

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  • What is this baggage you speak of? I don't see it.

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  • Lol... The guys who told you that you are ugly must be blind

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    • Maybe they are scared of you or the guys you know are shy

  • Have you experienced a lot of rejection, or have you simply not been approached that much?

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    • I haven't been approached much.

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    • My thing is I don't know how to.

    • I am shit-scared of it myself, but I think it is just practise, really. I think it hurts more to not hit on someone you are attracted to, than to be rejected by them. If they reject you, you are left with pride in the fact that you took the risk. I mean, sure, sometimes I have kicked myself because I feltt so deluded, like 'I should have known I didn't have a chance', but it is really hard to know unless you try. People aren't always easy to read.

      If you are scared of doing it verbally, you could write a note with your number and give it to them. Otherwise, just say hi and talk off the top of your head, it isn't that important. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

      If you want, we could make a pact that we're each going to hit on one person within a week.

      Just don't let anybody use you.

      Take care :)

  • You look cute to me

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  • You're beautiful and believe in your looks. Change your behaviour and everything would be alright

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    • What's wrong with my behaviour?

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    • 1 I'm not a princess. I'm a queen who can slay her own dragon. Better yet I can train that dragon to do what I wish.2 I'm as fragile as a diamond.

    • Yes you're 1 and the only queen

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