How can I rebuild my self-esteem after facing constant rejection my whole dating life?

I'm the girl guys generally consider "hot" or "beautiful". I'm also the girl guys say is "special" "fun" "intelligent" "down to earth" "kind" etc. I know I have my flaws and I'm not a supermodel, but I'm someone who is always considered pretty wherever I go. I'm extremely humble and I don't focus too much on looks as I know a great personality is everything. I also think pretty girls get tired of guys only seeing their beauty. Anyway, I have never had a longterm relationship. I'm the type of girl who doesn't like to date unless it could mean something more. So if guys want to mess around, I tell them straight up that they're wasting their time and energy. If a guy seems genuine, I get to know him. Usually though, guys never want to commit to me. I'm almost 27 and frankly tired and exhausted of trying to change and figure out why guys don't like me enough and how come its so easy for all my friends to find love. I'm not cynical and I love it when I see my friends and family in healthy relationships. But I am affected by my own experiences, I have been hurt too many times.. rejected not in terms of anything but commitment. And if a guy doesn't want to commit, then it usually means he was never really seriously interested. I think after so many years, about a decade.. I'm tired and I don't want to fall in love but thats not what bugs me. But today, in my current life... I have no self-esteem anymore. I am not too picky about guys etc, they chase me themselves and when things are going fine for a while.. we talk and they never want a relationship with me. It makes me feel so bad about myself, what is horrible about me? Why am I not good enough to have a boyfriend? I can't get anyone, I don't deserve anyone, unlikeable etc. So how do I feel better about myself? I don't want this so that I find someone, I gave up a long time ago, another jerk came along and now I never want to fall in love (he was the only one I really fell for). But I don't want to hate myself anymore. Thanks


Most Helpful Guy

  • I was 27 when I broke up with a great girl. It was pretty tough and 4 months later I met a more amazing girl. She surpassed her in every way possible. Unfortunately we broke up 3 years later, and I've been out in the dating world for some time now. I am convinced you can find someone.

    • I have NEVER had a relationship... I wouldn't be so sure. My friends keep insisting it will happen, but I don't think so and thats not what I worry about. I don't have any hope and if I do meet someone, of course it will end the same way. I know there is something about me that doesn't make a guy want to be with me. I have asked friends, guy friends especially and they say they don't get it. So I am tired of blaming myself, it is what it is. If no one wants me, so be it. My question here was, how do I give myself that love so that I can fix my damaged self-esteem and sense of worth?

    • Honestly, you need to find what makes you happy which is easier said than done. You need to do things for you and not someone else. Be positive, inviting, and encouraging. Be interested in other kinds of people who are different from you. Learn not to be afraid from those similar, or not so similar to you. Or experiences that have been sour.

      You are strong without anyone and you will find greatness in yourself then everything will come together.

    • Thank you! I'm actually on exchange (for my PhD) and I have been brought up in an international environment, with people from all over the world. So I am open and accepting, maybe not anymore.. not to anything romantic. But I really want to love myself again, I work out so that my day starts of better. I try to eat healthy and I spend time with friends. But I still come home and when I'm alone my thoughts remind me of my misfortune and how I'm not as great as I would like to think I am. Or I would have had someone by now..


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What Guys Said 5

  • The times we live in, most people don't want to commit to anything long term until they are close to 30. Until then, they just want to have fun, have affairs.. and if you're not into afairs, guys are going to mostly steer clear of you until they get a little older than 27.

    It's no use blaming yourself. It's just the way things are for the mainstream these days.
    Glad I'm a little older, frankly, things were easier 10 years ago.

    • Yea, I often have people tell me that I'm born in the wrong century. But to be honest, I have many friends similar to me or extremely cuckoo in relationships and they still manage to find someone. So I don't think its necessarily society, or all my friends would be single. Almost everyone has found someone or they are onto their next boyfriend, while I am single as always. Anyway I don't care about that struggle anymore, I don't want to meet anyone anymore, but I want to improve my damaged self-esteem

  • I find this hard to believe that beautiful women have a hard time finding boyfriends. This is my theory I could be wrong however. The guys who usually go after beautiful women are extremely confident, and that makes them successful with women. They know they can get different types of girls so they aren't hung up on one. They don't see the point in relationships yet.

    • That is true, very true...

  • I'm not reading all that but if you figure it out be sure to let me know

  • You are too picky and hpyergamous

    • hpyergamous? And I'm not too picky, I have of course asked friends what my problem is. Anyway, my real question was about how to rebuild my self-esteem after all that, not how to lower my standards or to date etc. I'm not interesting in getting into the dating game, its not worth it

  • Maybe it's the way you're going about it? Change your approach a little

    • I mirro their behaviour, if they message I message. If they don't message or talk to me for a while, I don't push and let them come to me when and if they want to. I flirt, we have good times. I honestly don't know where it goes wrong and why does no one her understand that I have given up on love. I just want to fix myself!

    • You're allowed to initiate, guys don't care, in fact, we welcome it

    • yeh I've done that too, still didn't end up with the guy actually wanting a relationship. We dated for 2/3 months. They just don't want a relationship with me, my closest friends have liked me but I couldn't get myself to like them in that way even if I tried. So they perhaps aren't the best people to ask for relationship advice since they think I'm an amazing girl. Thing is, I'm chilled out, easy going, if I talk to a guy and there is a connection we text back and forth. The last guy and I were inseperable, he told me he loved me every night, all the girls liked him but he only saw me, he did everything for me, we laughed together, I was always there for him etc. It was perfect, when we finally kissed and knew things were going further, I said I would like to see where it goes.. he of course didn't want to.. Its just not him, all of them...

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