I've been single since I was born. At that point in my life I feel so depressed. I really don't know what to do anymore. Please, can you help me out?

Hello, my name is Marc and next month I'll be turning 21 years old. Lately, I felt so depressed that I am unable to overcome such sadness.

Let me tell you my story, hoping that you will read it till the end.
First, I'll start with a cliché sentence : I never had any girlfriend, never been kissed, never hold a girl's hand, never dated a girl, neither I've gone out with one of them as a friend. Nevertheless, I had a female friend but that was 10 years ago. As for now, my female friends are limited to only one that I've met at college but it is only an acquaintance so I don't think I can truly consider her as a friend.

Then, being a shy person makes it harder for me to approach girls. Thus, I'm having huge difficulties to talk to girls either at university, or elsewhere. Now, I'm in a need of having a girlfriend. I feel so loveless, but I know that I can't get a girlfriend by staying the same person as I am actually.

I never had the guts to ask a girl her number, neither to ask her out, never. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel so miserable that I'm starting to think that I'll end my life being single and never experience what is true love.

As for the male friends, I've made some friends like two or three persons but I have a lot of acquaintances. Indeed, I believe that making male friends isn't a big deal for me.

To sum up, I desperately want to elevate my self-esteem, to hang out with girls, and eventually have a girlfriend. I don't know what to do, no one taught me how to do it, therefore I have no idea how to proceed.

I'm turning 21, which means I'm getting older. The older I become, the harder it will be to approach girls. I have to do it now, and do it right.
Please, don't even think about the fact that I want a girlfriend in order to have sex. I just need some love from her, and spent time with her.

Thank you for reading, and hoping that you'll take your time to help me in that harsh situation.

Yours sincerely,

Marc

  • Is being 21 years old, and single considered to be weird? Yes.
    0% (0)17% (1)7% (1)Vote
  • Is being 21 years old, and single considered to be weird? No.
    100% (8)83% (5)93% (13)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It seems to me that you are overthinking. These things just happen spontaneously in life. When you meet someone, just be yourself. Don't think about what they think of you, or what you should say to satisfy them. There are no awkward moments in life, they only seem like that to us when we think about them too much :) Even if you say something silly, it can make you sound cute/make the girl laugh. So my advice is to try participating in different activities at your college/workplace, playing sports, frequently attending the same places like bars and such, etc. and you will surely meet new people, including girls :) Stop saying things like " I am too shy, I could never do that" and throw yourself out there! At first it will be scary and stressful to you, but that is the only way to come out of your shell. Good luck!
    Also, no, it is not weird to still be single at 21. You are young, stop worrying!! :D

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    • I'm impressed. In this paragraph, you did an accurate description of myself.
      You're totally right I have to stop thinking about it. However, it is hard to do so.
      Moreover, each time I see an attractive girl I see her as a potential girlfriend instead of seeing her only as a friend and makes it even more difficult to me to approach the girl. It is probably due to the fact that all the people around me are in a relationship whereas me I am still single.
      Thanks for your advice, and support ! :)

What Girls Said 2

  • What have you done to work on yourself? do you have hobbies or interests or have your whole life been fixating on this issue?

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    • To be honest, for like 19-20 years I never worried too much about it. However, lately I've been depressed of my lack of confidence and my social issues. As for my interests, I like to go the gym. I'm going to the gym 5 days per week, and even noticed that it helps me a little to overcome my lack of confidence. Even if it is a little, it is better than nothing :)

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    • Well being alone, o find I get more depressed, so I try to get out and mingle in public whether it be at the mall or just being part of the sports club. It really helped ground me from dwelling in negative thoughts.

    • Indeed, it is one of the various reasons that I'm going to the gym :)

  • How do you look like?

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    • It is hard to describe myself. I consider myself as being an average person, neither a handsome guy, nor a ugly one.

What Guys Said 6

  • Well I'm in the same sitch as you are except a bit younger. The only thing is that I never let it make me feel bad. I look at my situation as objectively as possible - and the only reason I don't approach women is because I don't even know any free women, since I don't really have pretty much any friends with whom I could go out and meet new people.

    So if you have friends and you go out with them, then at the very least you are meeting new people, unlike me. So you still have your chances.

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    • Well, you're lucky to not be affected by the loneliness of not having a female friend/girlfriend. In my case, it hurts so much. My male friends do not really frequent many girls, I guess that both my friends and I are in the same boat.
      If you want to meet people, and you're not shy I believe that going to the gym is the right place for you. I've been going to the gym and have met some people there. We never go out somewhere, well I never asked since I'm a shy person but at least I have the opportunity to see them at the gym.

      Thanks for your support though :)

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    • It shouldn't be much a problem if there are lot of people around. All of them started like you, they came to the gym to grow some muscles, and had no idea where to start from. Then, after being to the gym regularly they were able to socialize and even see physical improvements. So, don't worry too much about the people around you. Personally, I believe that the more people there are around you the easier it will be to socialize.

    • All right - thanks a bunch, dude. :)

  • Lets not get carried away. Your dating life from age 0-15 is really... obviously zero. So you've been single for a few years. Yeah, you're wasting them.

    I think you're assuming a few things wrong:
    - that you need to develop a bunch of female friends before getting a gf. Not true. You can, but you don't need to. A lot of the guys who date the most have very few female friends, and many guys who don't date much are using female friends as substitute girlfriends, for better or worse.
    - that you have to 'do it right'.

    How many people are good at things on their first attempt?

    Talking to girls is a skill.
    Flirting is a skill.
    Escalating and asking out is a skill.
    Managing a relationship, making reasonable compromises while also asking for what you want, is a whole big set of skills.
    Having sex is a skill.

    Skills skills skills. Some people are naturally better than others, but like every skill, mindful practice matters more over time. What's mindful practice? It means practicing what you're bad at, with awareness, assessing what you're doing right versus not right, and adjusting.

    Start with skill 1.

    Start saying "hi" to 5 women a day.

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    • I always though that people get a girlfriend by starting by being friends. I guess that I was totally wrong on that point. As you said, it requires some skills and since I do not have them it will be even more difficult to hang out with girls if they expect from me to be more experienced that I am actually.
      I'll follow your advice and say "hi" to 5 women a day, it seems doable. Thanks for your help :)

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    • Starting from tomorrow, I'll try to say "hi" to 5 girls on a daily basis at my university. Once I feel comfortable doing so I'll come back to jump to the next advise you have to offer me, hoping that it will not take too much time to achieve that step. Thanks for your support.

    • I'm still trying to say hi to girls, however the words won't come out. Thus, I hope that I'll be able to overcome such issue in order to go to the next step. If you have any advices for such person, please feel free to tell me what I could do about it :)

  • I had my first girlfriend when I was 23, and I still can't muster up enough courage to approach women at age 28. So don't worry, your situation isn't as bad as you believe it is!

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    • I see that I'm not the only struggling to have a girlfriend. Don't give up dude, you already had once a girlfriend I'm sure that you can have another one :)

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    • Oh they approached you, you're a lucky guy :). In my case, I have to do the move otherwise I will never have a girlfriend. A girl looks for guy who has a high self-esteem. In other words, to be a confident person.
      As for confidence, I'm working on it too. I can recommend you to lift some weights, I've been doing that for a while and I noticed that I'm starting to become more confident than before but still I did not reach the level of confidence that I need to go ask girls out.
      Best of luck :)

    • I don't think I was that lucky, considering my first ex cheated on me and the second turned out to be a habitual liar!

      But those are in the past. I don't think any woman will approach me now, and I have to do the approaching myself. As for lifting weight, I'll definitely consider that. Thank you! :)

  • I'm 24 and single... I'm recovering from a crush/heartbreak and the thing I'm realizing is you just have to be happy about what you do and who you are instead of thinking of negative thoughts such as this. The more fun things you do by yourself, the more you'll have in common with others, and be seen as more attractive. People will come to you once they realize you too can bring things to the table. Don't worry about it. You're still young, have a lot to offer, as well as time.

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    • I hope that you will recover as soon as possible :). To be honest, I try my best to have a positive perspective on life, however it is really hard. I'm such a pessimistic person that I always image the worst scenario that would happen in my mind. Thus, I don't act. Anyways, thanks for the advice.

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    • By the way, coincidentally, I responded to your last question... lol

    • Hahaha indeed you're right, lets do our best ! :)

  • I am 17 and the same way, except that I have actually tried to ask girls out, etc. None of the girls I was ever interested in were ever interested back, even as friends...

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    • You've got my respect, at least you asked them out. I don't have the guts to do so.
      Don't give up my friend, try again and again.

  • I didn't read it all the way through I don't have to, to know how you feel, I am going on 22, and I still have never had a relationship. But if I can daydream about finally pulling that trigger everyday, and haven't done it yet, with all the demons in my head, you can drag your skippy ass around too. Because I literally take no joy on life from anything, save marijuana, and I can't even smoke. So sometimes shit is just fucked up.

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    • I guess that both of us did not have much luck yet. Lets hope that we'll have soon enough some luck by our side.

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