We just broke up, but he keeps calling to "check how I'm feeling, because he cares". What?!

Basically, my ex and I dated on and off for over a year, and were really attracted to each other, and a few months ago, we got serious and committed full-time. We both knew he was going to be busy these next few months, as it's his senior year in college. He's currently working full-time at MLB doing risk management, going to school full-time, is pursuing a second internship, has tons of job interviews coming up, and is making his case to MLB to hire him full time off an internship roster.

Anyways, so about a week ago, he said he wanted to take a break over our college midterms so he could concentrate on his studies. I agreed, but I had a feeling something was up.

Two days in, I found out he was planning to break up with me via his fraternity brothers, so I confronted him about it. At that point, he admitted it, saying he was "just too busy to deal with a relationship right now on top of everything else." He went on to say he did still love me and care about me a lot, and wants to remain a close friend of mine and be able to take me out when he does have spare time, and he doesn't wanna rule out the possibility of getting back together. Now, obviously I've been upset, but I'm coping the best I can.

That evening, he proceeded to text me at 2 am, telling me he was lonely and he was never 100% sure of his actions and I should understand that. We texted a bit about our mutual loneliness, and left it at that.

Two days later, he publicized over Facebook that he'd been ill, so I called him to see how he was feeling. He didn't answer, no big deal. Next day, I got a text from him apologizing for missing my call. I told him I just wanted to see if he was feeling better, and it was no harm done. He called me sweet, then we texted for a bit, and left it at that.

Now last night, I found out he Facebooked my roommate to check up on me and see how I was doing, and he called me around 11 to ask me the same thing and ask me how I am and what I'm up to, and to tell me to be careful and behave myself if I go out. What?!

I just don't understand his actions. I'm not sure if he wants to get back together or if he just wants to be friends and is taking the friendliness too fast, too soon.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants at all, and frankly that's not a comforting thing. If you do know what you want and this isn't it, then stop pursuing this person. Granted he's super busy and he has a million things to do, but the president of this country still has time to play golf and spend time with his wife and kids, so time management is totally possible no matter how busy someone is. If you were really a priority, he wouldn't be yo-yoing back and forth and putting you on the backburner in contrast to his other work. You deserve better. If you are looking for someone to treat you well and date, this probably isn't the guy. Give him another chance if you want, by telling him that you aren't a yo-yo and that he has to make a choice. He can't expect to keep you waiting around without any strings while he decides what to do with you, you are worth more than that. Know your value and allow him to make a choice if he's so confused. Or, make it for him. There are 6 billion fish in the sea, why hang around for the one that keeps flip-flopping in the sand? You deserve to be loved and cared about consistently. If he can't make that commitment, move on.


What Guys Said 4

  • Sounds like a case of he doesn't really know if he wants you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. He's selfishly trying to string you along so that you'll think perhaps someday you two will get back together. I would be curious to see how fast he tried to get back together with you if your roommate leaked a story that you were going out with some new guy for dinner.

  • He wants you but he does not want you. This guy just sounds confused but you don't have time for this get on with your life give him time to sort out his and see what happens. Facebook is the devil.

  • He is covering his bases. I think you have become fall-back girl. As in, if he goes out and looks for something else and doesn't find it, he will always have you to fall back on. Be careful, as I get the feeling he wants to have his cake and eat it too -- and we all know you can't do that...

  • He is getting some some where else right now and wants a place to go if it does not work out.


What Girls Said 9

  • OK it seems like your ex doesn't know what he wants and he's being immature. Him checking up on you, texting you, or whatever is him making sure you aren't moving on to anyone else. He wants you but doesn't want to be with you. If that makes sense to you. He believes there is something better out there for him which is why he made an excuse to break up with you. But he doesn't stop all contact with you because he still claims you as his "property." You're like a back up plan for him, if it ends up he doesn't find anything or anyone better he'll come straight back to you because he knows you'll still be around. My advice is to drop this guy. No matter what he says or does that's sweet or whatever, you have to remember HE BROKE UP WITH YOU. Obviously he doesn't want to be with you enough to stay in a serious relationship. There are other guys out there so have fun and enjoy life and move on from a guy who is just really wasting your time. Hope this helps. :)

  • hmmm it sounds like he still likes you. wow. all my ex bf's have never done that, so he's still into you I think. that is sweet that he's checking up on you but I'd be confused as to why he broke up with you andnow he's like monitoring your every move, I guess he wants to know if you're dating anyone

  • he's trying to string you along. He doesn't know what he wants. don't let him ruin your love life like that.

  • it can be one of a few things.

    1. he's keeping you on side just in case something doesn't work out with someone else.

    2. he's trying to ease his own conscience by acting all nice and so he doesn't seem like a bastard.

    3. he genuinely cares for you the same way a friend would.

    it's difficult to say which one of these it is though because you'd have to be inside his head.

  • Wow this happened to me to. My ex and I broke up and yet he right away texts me and is all like " I really care for you and I'll always be here for you" and stuff. And now he texts me constantly for no reason and always send stuff like that. I don't why but maybe he still like you and is just unsure of how he feels right now. That's what my friend told me in my case. It seems like he still likes you, and if not, he just really cares for you as a person...as a friend. It seems like he may be taking it a little to fast but that could just be how he is.

  • He still cares about you or he wouldn't be doing that. He sounds like the jealous type to me.

  • fI would say it's riendliness too fast. He alread made the decision to break up so I think he just wants to make sure you get over it okay so that you don't complelty hate him. He wants to try to keep the bond there I guess but it's weird to keep a bond when you braking a b.f g.f relationship.

    anywayz you should proabably tell him that you don't want contact that often because it's frustrating for you to have to be around him when your not together

    (he should get understand that) but after you spend some time away make sure you come back around so that he can keep you as a friend. (if you think it's possible for you two to be just friends.)

  • dont make yourself so available to him. it could be that he's keeping the lines of communication open so he has you to go back to just in case. don't let him string you along. be busy whenever he calls and remember that you don't have to answer to him he's not your man anymore