How to turn a casual sexual fling into more?

I met a guy at a bar over a month ago and was immediatly attracted to him and invited him back to my place. We only hooked up, I don't do one night stands. I asked him a few days later if it'd be okay if I texted him to have sex sometimes... He was okay with that.

He is special ops in the military, moves a lot and enjoys being deployed (has been 5 times). He takes his job very seriously and told me he has never been in love. His longest and only relationship was 6 years ago and only lasted 6 months! He's 7 years older than me. He told me he doesn't want to be in a relationship because he doesn't want it to get in the way of his job, and because he is gone 300 days out of the year when deployed and can't talk much.

We see eachother 1-3x per week. I usually send the first text for us to hang out. We always have great sex and talk and laugh, it's fun. He knows I like being single but after getting to know him I want more. Not to be his girlfriend or anything serious. But go out to dinner or watch a movie would be nice. I brought it up once and he didn't answer the question directly. He's only here for two more months.

He asks me to go out for drinks with his friends all the time, I turn them down. I did meet him out once at a bar before going to his place and he kissed me in front of his friends. We did go to breakfast once, but I sort of invited myself (not sure if he wanted me there). I don't want a relationship, but I want to get to know him more because we click well.

Any advice on how to handle this sticky situation? What are signs that he likes me and may want more too?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Stop lying to yourself. You do want a relationship. You do want more. You're just afraid he doesn't feel the same. Hate to break it to you but he will never see you more than just a "friends with benefits" girl because you gave it up to quickly. He doesn't want to date you because he doesn't take you seriously.

    I know this because I'm in the exact same boat as you are. My friends with benefits left for combat training and he didn't want a relationship because he didn't want a commitment. The truth is, he already got sex and guys become uninterested when the challenge is over.

    You should move on, I know it's hard but you have to cry and get it out of your system. He does not want you, no matter how gentle and loving he is in bed.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I'm not a psychic or anything but I don't see this working out :/

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  • Trying to get closer to him is a bad idea, you'd just get more attached and want even more romance/intimacy and you'll get hurt. Keep this casual or end it.

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  • So you want all these relationship type things without actually calling it a relationship?

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    • Yes. It would be pointless trying to have a relationship with him. He's leaving. But I don't see why we can't be friends and have sex.

    • So you want a friends-with-benefits?

What Girls Said 2

  • end it. you're going to get hurt. he already told you he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship, he only started with you because you made everything easy for him. he doesn't have to work at getting sex elsewhere. that doesn't mean he's about to change for you.

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  • You should be honest with him about what it is that you want from him but be prepared for him not to be willing to give that to you. It sounds to me like he has been pretty honest with you about not wanting a relationship, so you should not get angry with him if he doesn't want to get into a relationship with you, and you should be prepared for that to be his answer. BUT, you never know until you try.

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    • I would advise that you don't stay involved with him if it is clear that it will not turn into a relationship, since you WILL end up getting hurt. Sounds like you've already become attached - don't let yourself get even more attached.

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