Are feminists turn offs?

Long story short, two weeks ago I went out with a guy, and every time he tried to open a door for me I protested, because LET'S FACE IT: I can fucking open doors! Like, I get he meant well and all, but that's just how I felt (hell, I even tried opening a door for HIM!) Also, when he tried paying for my movie ticket, I protested then, too. I don't like a guy paying for me unless I can return the favor another time, but I know some men that don't like that kind of behavior because they like feeling "gentlemanly" (is that even a word?) or even think it's batshit, feminist crazy.

Opinions?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He was only trying to be a gentleman, and you behaved like a jerk. Instead of confronting him, you could have spoken to him later on about your preferences.

    And to answer your question... yeah, in general I wouldn't even want to interact with a feminist, let alone date one.

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What Guys Said 25

  • It is a huge turn off when a woman does that. Him opening a door is a way of showing that he respects you, and you twisted it around to make it seem like it is somehow an insult. Feminism isn't the real issue here. It is just a bitch move for a girl to act insulted when a guy is going out of his way to do something nice for her. If he gets you flowers are you going to yell and tell him you can get your own flowers?

    Opening doors never had anything to do with women not being able to open a door. It is a way for a man to show he respected the woman. No man that is worth a damn is going to slam the door in the face of the woman he cares about. If you opened his door and he started telling you not to do it, and that it wasn't your place to open that door, he would be just as out of line as you are. You would also feel insulted for trying to do something for him, only to have him be so ungrateful.

    You come off as one of those angry feminists that take everything out of context, and read too much into things. There are lots of women on here complaining all the time that men refuse to do the things your man was doing? What is so sad is that it is always young girls like you that take feminism too seriously, and ruin these boys for all future women. In a few years you will be one of the women complaining there are no gentlemen left, and girls with your attitude are the reason why.

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  • Feminists in the traditional sense are not a turn off at all.

    "every time he tried to open a door for me I protested"

    However, feminists like you are a HUGE turn off.

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  • Yes, huge turn off. As in, end the date early and leave just to get away from you levels of bad.

    I hold doors for people regardless of gender as a matter of courtesy. I will treat someone to something like a movie because I am nice and generous - you can pay for something else after.

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  • Personally if a girl doesn't like me to act gentlemanly I just respect her decision. It wouldn't be a turn off for me.

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  • Yeah, no, that guy sounds messed up. You sound gender progressive which is definitely a good thing. The best girls I've ever dated called themselves feminists. Some also called themselves MRA's.

    Either way, they were gender progressive. Kicking the expectations helps people relate much better.

    I seriously don't understand guys who are like "That bitch didn't let me pay" or girls who are like "That sexist jerk paid for me".

    NO. It's just generosity. What pisses guys off is not generosity, it's when generosity is EXPECTED and becomes a ROLE.

    Keep doing what you are doing, girl. Guys will really appreciate it.

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  • You're clearly a troll. So you feel offended because he opens the door for you, but you wanna open the door for him? The fuck? It makes no sense.
    Instead of appreciating the fact that he tries to make your night better, you acted like a jerk,

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  • nah im cool with it. if you wanna pay for your own shit and open doors too then not a problem lol.

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  • I met one many years ago when I owned racing Dogs at the Dog Track. She had a flip off to a man ring and went on and on about men at the dog track, she was a cougar as well. Not a fan of Feminist

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  • That's not being a feminist, that's being a complete bitch.

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  • That's not batshit crazy, but I prefer (as a guy) to stick to "whoever gets to the door first opens it." If he's swooping ahead to open doors, you might say that it makes you a bit uncomfortable and could we please just have whoever gets to the door first open it (and leave out the "because duh" part).

    I like alternating who pays for dates since splitting the bill is such a pain.

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    • "whoever gets to the door first opens it" sounds great

  • I'm cool if you're a feminist, I'm not coll if you act like a twat.

    You were acting like a twat.

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  • The you not wanting him to pay for your movie ticket is no problem you did nothing wrong there, but you didn't have to be such a jerk he was just trying to be nice by opening the door if its a feminist who like protests and makes themselves the victim then no, if she stands up for what feminism is actually supposed to be then yeah I'd date her.

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  • Well if you bitch at me for opening the door, then I will slam it in front of you, so that's what I think about this scenario.

    Normally, I don't mind. But I seriously don't care who opens that fucking door.

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  • i support gendr equality so a turn-on for me basically!

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  • Although I am a feminist myself, you were a bit rude.
    I would date a feminist. I would preferably date a feminist.

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  • Yup, what guy wants to date another man?

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  • not usually

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  • feminists yes, humanists aren't

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  • On the one hand, you can let him open doors for you. OTOH, if he *insists* on opening them for you even after you've said you don't like it, he's being quite a bit of a jerk. If the lady doesn't want the doors held for her, don't hold the doors, you know?

    So if he's not listening to you when you tell him what kind of relationship you want, you are soooooo much better off without him. Now, if he really wants to, say, buy the tickets, and is willing to *talk to you* about it and you two reach some compromise, that's another thing. And then MAYBE he gets to feel justified that you can be difficult to date because you're going against society's gender expectations. But if he's not listening, he's being the jerk, not you.

    I'm totally dating a feminist. A submissive feminist, at that - we talked about how we wanted things to work between us ;p There is no one true way, you know?

    Hang in there.

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  • Yep, you are a typical feminist.

    And yes they are a major turn off.

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  • If a woman can't graciously accept a guy trying to be a gentleman then she has no place in my life. Frankly, I cannot stand women like you.

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  • have a feeling you're a troll

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  • If they have a bad attitude like yours... All this cursing over some doors... Geez lady, you remind of that woman who cut that guys penis off and threw it in the garbage disposal over not taking the trash out...

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    • loool who said I cursed?

    • '' I can fucking open doors!'' '' ''Batshit''... ...

    • cursing on my question? ohhh yep

  • "LET'S FACE IT: I can fucking open doors!"

    No fucking shit. It's called "being polite". Nobody's saying your vagina makes you too stupid to open a door.

    You do seem to have a fairly warped idea of what feminism is though. I'm wondering if you're not some MRA in disguise trying to make feminists look stupid and petty.

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  • Maybe you're just not used to good treatment?

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What Girls Said 9

  • I think that's extremely rude. You should've just taken turns opening doors if you're all about equality - he opens one for you, you say thank you, you open the next one for him. He wasn't trying to imply that you can't open a door. As for the movie tickets, guys like to pay on a first date. Insisting on splitting it can be okay as long as you aren't rude and ungrateful about it. But why didn't you just say something like "okay then I'll pay next time" or something? It would even get you a next date and show your interest in him. Instead you probably made the poor guy feel like crap. Sorry but you sound more like a rude bitch than a feminist and it's people who act like that who make everyone hate feminists.

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  • I think overly feminist girls like yourself should just date bum ass guys who don't appreciate or respect women. you will either wise up and learn to appreciate decent behavior from a man, or you will be happy with your evenly yoked partner.

    I am not a fan of MRA guys, I think they are weird creepy and angry, but feminazis are the female version of them. its sad how you guys actually get chances at guys that you probably don't deserve. not trying to be rude but girls like you are kinda naïve and do not understand that you really could be doing a LOT worse, but here you are biting some poor guys head off because he actually had the nerve to want to take you out and treat you like a lady.

    if you don't like being treated like a lady, there are plenty of guys who will rudely oblige and treat you like a thot. honestly there are so many disrespectful guys out there, I just don't understand how feminazis aren't dating them. why do y'all end up with the guys who TRY to be decent only to turn around and complain about him? girl bye. go find a guy who wants to come over and "chill", eat up all your groceries and never do anything nice for you unless he expects sex directly after and then tell me how bad this guy was for paying for your date and opening the door for you. you whiny girls don't know how good you got it. smh

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  • I'm sorry, but this is too much. This is why I hate feminism.

    Yes you can open doors. But I'm sure if he had been the opposite (ignoring you, grunting, not being polite, letting doors swing into your face) you'd be kicking off too.

    I mean, god forbid he was trying to impress you and be polite and be a gentleman. Take that man out and shoot him in the ballsack, what a twat he is.

    Thing is... you can do these things yourself. But why kick off when he gets a good feeling out of doing and all you need to do is walk 3 steps and say "thank you". This is why feminists annoy me. How difficult was that? 2 words and 3 steps. It's one thing offering to pay and having the ability to pay (because men don't like paying all the time) but then there's being a cow about it - downright insisting will make you look stubborn and arrogant.

    True feminism is equality not superiority - you take turns opening doors, paying, etc etc. You were acting as if you were better than his good manners and that was very rude. Treat others how you wish to be treated.

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  • well that is a little bit extreme, no offence lol. I'm all for gender equality but when i notice a guy letting me through first or opening doors, i dont sit there thinking that i can do it myself. i know i can do it myself, but there's no need to overthink a good deed. this is 2015 and the intentions of men do change.

    i think your feminism can be demonstrated in ways that dont demean the simple kindness of men. i can understand if a man gets irritated by that actually.

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  • I hate when women act like this -.- It makes it look like all women are out to prove something. He was just trying to be nice. Trust me on this, I dated a chauvinistic asshole that thought that I shouldn't be allowed to drive, work, vote... have my own opinions. You get it. Now that's one I wish I would've kicked to the curb with my steel toes on... in the teeth... anyway off topic. Don't call chauvinism where there isn't any because then you just look like a femi-nazi bitch and nobody likes those.

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  • Lol you behaved like a twat.

    So what if he opened the door for you? It's called being courteous.
    So what if he offered to pay? Polite gestures will not strip you of your rights.

    At the end of the date did you tell him to check his privilege?

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  • Dude. Let the poor guy dote on you. All you're doing is making him hate you.

    I'm a feminist but let's be real now, if a guy wants to hold the door for me or buy my ticket... I'm gonna let him. You know why? 'Cause I'm cheap as heck, that's why.

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  • That behavior was not feminist. It was completely uncalled for. I believe this must be a satire, no?

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  • If I was a guy, I'd be incredibly annoyed with you. Shit, if you protest about such trivial things, who knows what else you'll snap about. Let him do the things his mother taught him. Let the man feel like a man.

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