When people say someone is too picky, how do they lower their standards?

I am not too picky if I'm honest. I guess I am picky about having that click, if I have that then the guy who is not the most attractive person will seem like the sexiest man I ever met. If he has an annoying trait but I feel attracted to him, I'll probably even love that trait. I have gone for different types of men, the only common factor is that they tend to be the shy type of guys. I guess I like that in a man. My problem is that no guy has ever committed to me, even after being so involved and good to me. So I have decided to think about how I can adjust what I want so that I can give other guys a chance. I have tried before but eventually left because I wasn't really into it. I have had people suggest that I might be too picky to give guys a chance, how do I lower my standards and widen my pool of potential men?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not sure you need to.

    I think what you need to is move on much faster from guys who aren't interested in more serious relationships. The fact they're into casually dating or having sex isn't good enough. Now it's -possible- that the guys you like, you're in the 'hook up league' but not the 'relationship league' with. But I'm not getting that impression.

    I think you just need to meet a whole lot more potential guys and move on faster if the 'click' isn't two way.

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    • I agree, my friends say I should take it slowly with a guy so I allow us to build something good without much pressure ( I tell them from the beginning that I only have sex if I'm in a relationship and they still seem interested so I guess it seems fine). At one point, or the stage we reach when things can go further.. they just don't want it. Its hard to discern these type of guys, maybe I should make it clearer from the beginning that I'm looking for something serious but my guy friends say that will freak a guy out. How do I go for guys in the relationship league? And I mean guys who would want to be with me? Those guys obviously didn't think I was worth a relationship with, even if they invested months or year into being with me. And these guys pursue and chase me themselves, I give them so many chances to opt out but they come back stronger. Once I have the talk by asking what it all means to them, they say they can't commit.

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    • I think you're right. I have never had a guy want to commit to me. Only one, my ex boyfriend. Even he wanted to mess around at first, I told him I don't do that. I don't know what changed in him but 2 days later he said he wants to be with me and he stood by it through his actions. After that I never had it so I don't know how it works. I mean several friends of mine had guys avoiding the commitment and then end up committing, so I thought maybe it takes time to grow close to each other and to know for sure. I guess next time, I'll just stop talking to a guy if after a few dates he doesn't say he wants it or not

    • Oh and if I'm honest, I think those are all excuses and that they never really liked me. I believe if a guy really likes a girl, he will commit to her. I think thats why it hurts so much, to realise no guy has ever liked you.. especially not enough to be with.

What Guys Said 5

  • im guessing if a guy had to "lower his standards" he would either forget about boobs or butt or some other physical feature he can probably cope without, but personality wise you really can't lower that standard. character is extremely important.

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  • I do not know how you lower your standards and since you have gone for different types it sounds like you give chances to just about anyone. Only suggestion is look for guys with a little more confidence in themselves? I don't know why guys are so afraid of commitment these days, it seems to be a common problem :/

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    • But I would not lower you standards too much personality wise

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    • Yea I try to do it, I guess I should ask people who settle for relationships. It happens a lot, I just don't know how to settle

    • Yeah I do not know how settle for relationships either :/

  • Decide which traits are non-negotiable and which are desired but negotiable.

    But always be prepared for that guy who fits nothing on your list who just moves in and sweeps you off your feet!

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    • Fair point. Thats what I do, but I still can't get a boyfriend so I want to be more open to guys who could be good for me and I'm not feeling it with initially

  • you never lower your standards. however, you have to be realistic.

    why should i lower my standards when i know i won't cheat and dont believe in divorce?

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    • I want to because I can't seem to get a boyfriend. Something has to change, maybe I need to give more guys a chance. I don't really know anymore. I'm an amazing person, the most loved amongst my friends and family because I have a kind heart and am natural. I get told I'm beautiful all the time, makes me wonder if I'm actually an ugly person inside? I don't know. Don't lower your standards if you seem to get good relationships. I would never lower my standards if I haven't been rejected so much

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    • thses are just perspectives you should check out because you know better than me.

    • Thats something I agree with totally, we can keep it safe with friends and family. That is also why I tell my friends they don't see what I do wrong because they don't deal with it. I also think the opposite of what you said, brokenness has perhaps made it even harder for me now. When I had no baggage and was open, it was hard so it can only get more difficult now.. after years of rejection. I mean I do know I am at a stage where I stay away from guys because I strongly believe a guy just won't commit anyway and is pretending to like me. I think the fact that guys reject me shows that they think they can do better, not me thinking I can do better or dating up. I give the guys with whom I have a click the chance. They all admitted themselves to saying im a special kind of girl and that there is a click. So I don't know why I'm not good enough

  • basically try and spend more time with other types so you develop a trait for them

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    • Have you tried that? I have done it but they basically become my friends :P. Maybe I should make more of an effort to see their good qualities, but the attraction is hard to build with them

What Girls Said 3

  • You don't. Don't EVER lower your standards and give yourself less than what you want unless if your standards are unrealistic.

    Yours aren't. It just seems that you have a select group of men that you choose from and you simply need to expand that. You can do that without settling for what you don't want (it's not fair to the guys or to you).

    Start simply accepting men that have similar traits to the ones that you want, but not entirely. You said you like shy guys. Why not feel out some confident ones?

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    • I actually find the shy guys more confident. They aren't extremely guys, but they are more introvert I guess. More careful about opening up or pursuing a girl. I like that in a guy. I have been with overtly confident guys too, but they actually seem more insecure to me. Its like they need to show how confident they are or something:P. Not sure if you get what I mean?

    • I understand. Search for other traits that you haven't considered before and go after those guys. :)

  • I suggest not lowering your standards because in the end it's about you being happy, yes? So I think you should just date whoever gives you that click and give him a chance to prove to you that he wants you and only you. Sure, in the past, you haven't been fortunate to keep a guy, but don't let those losers indirectly tell you that you should lower your standards for a wider pool of guys. You won't be happy in the long run if you aren't attracted to them.

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    • You know everything you say is exactly my thought process too. However, since I haven't had a proper relationship I just wonder what it is I am doing wrong. Also, a friend of mine who has been with the same guy for 10 years and is all set to get married told me to not care about attraction or looks and to see if I can get along with a guy. For me, attraction is very important and primal. If I don't think a guy seems sexy (to me) or interesting then I just don't find him interesting enough in totality.

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    • Really? It makes me happy to realise that maybe I can get what I want, the constant rejection (from not committing) has made me so sad since I'm not the type to mess around and only ever wanted to fall in love and commit to it. The past guys would chase me, pursue me, no red flags and then when things were getting serious.. they would say they don't want a relationship. I heard a billion excuses but in the end I believe if a guy truly likes a girl, he will commit to her. Makes me feel terrible that no guy has liked me enough to think I'm worth a relationship. Especially when I see how easily my friends get boyfriends. So once these guys say they don't want a relationship but would still like to be friends, I walk away (being dumped pretty much)

    • I'm serious. Please don't lower your standards. You'll find someone who fits your criteria. It'll take patience and maybe even a few more heartbreaks but trust me, you'll find him and he will love you

  • I feel like you shouldn't just because of what people say, it's your standards not theirs if they disagree then too bad.

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