Should I let him?

should I let my boyfriend touch my butt? We have been going out for 3 months and I let him touch my butt a few times but not everyday.... It feels good but it feels so wrong at the same time. I know my mother says to respect myself and I really do because im waiting until I get married to have sex. But is letting him touch my butt contradicting everything about self respect? Am I even still respecting myself? He recently has been wanting to touch my boobs but I just told him I was not ready for him to touch me there yet and he said it was ok. Is it wrong what do you guys think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your mom's moral teachings are a typical example of a brick wall built against logic. Think about it: no common sense, no rational thinking could explain these kind of statements. What does touching boobs or touching a butt have to do with self-respect? What does waiting until marriage have to do with self-respect? You have a guy that you like (perhaps even love), he wants to show his feelings to you by touching you, it feels good to you and you wouldn't let you because of self-respect? So it's like... respectful to punish yourself and ban yourself from having harmless fun? Same with sex: sex is fun, it is healthy and it is probably one of the greatest joys of life that you get for free and - if you're just a little careful - with no danger involved whatsoever. It's better than a day of eating burgers, chocolate and cake, of sky diving and having a race with your car and all the other fun activities you can think of - because it's healthier and less dangerous than all these things. So you have this absolutely awesome activity that you can do and through which you can express your love to another person and you're gonna chaste yourself, you're gonna take away that joy from yourself for a weird concept of morality and self-respect? Is it self-respectful to be mean to yourself? I really, really don't get it.
    If you like him touching your boobs or your butt, let him do it. If you like touching him, do it. If you want to have sex, do it. There's nothing wrong with it and it doesn't make you less "self-respectful" because you're embracing your life. If it was true what your mom is telling you, then many other things like laughing, cuddling, going to the movies, eating cookies etc. would also be disrespectful of yourself (which obviously they aren't).

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What Guys Said 5

  • If this has anything to do with Christianity, I have a few unique points for you to consider:

    1. I would just like to remind you, that at 14, if you were living in the days in which the bible was written, you would already be married to your boyfriend.

    2. The bible is said to be our irrefutable holy book, and it says no sex before marriage.

    3. The bible was not written directly by Jesus or God. It was written by his flawed followers, and therefore, their perception of the word of god might have influenced their writing to make it imperfect.

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  • It depends on how he grabs your butt, and if he does it often, or if it turns out being the only place he touches you.
    When I kiss a girl I usually put on of my hands on her butt, even at your age I grabbed my girl's butt, but it was usually the only time when I touched it. Maybe if we hugged I may pass my hand over her butt, but not like grabbing it.
    I don't think letting him touch your butt is lack of self-respect as long as you put some boundaries. But if you're not completely sure about it, not 100% comfortable, don't do it.

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  • No, don't let him. No, you are not respecting yourself if you let him touch your ass. He should touch your boobs or your ass until you two marry. It's that simple. Respect is when you love yourself enough to know that you won't "whore" yourself even to your boyfriend.

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  • I don't think there's anything wrong with a little booty rubbing. It feels good and there's no danger from STDs or pregnancy, so why not? Physical contact is a good thing.

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  • It's innocnt enough, and as long as he doesn't get too weird and push any boundaries why not?

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What Girls Said 7

  • First off she is respecting herself in that she is respecting her privacy second she is also respecting her future husband by waiting to have sex (I am also waiting I know the struggle!!) third she is respecting her mother who is trying to protect her and fourth and most importantly she is respecting GOD! Who tells us in the Bible that those who commit adultery will be punished with fire and brimstone! @BlueCoyote SHUT UP!!! Obviously you don't know what RESPECT is!! And I suggest you learn before you end up with a little girl who turns into a disrespectful whore because you teach her wrongly.

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  • I know I'm probably the wrong person to answer this if you want advice from a religious standpoint... because I highly disagree with religious ideas such as this one... For the exact reason that you're feeling guilty for doing something so natural!

    Humans are still animals in body, those feelings are not abnormal, weird, or wrong. Everyone feels them.

    So in my opinion, enjoying and sharing something with someone I care about (SO, boyfriend, partner), like intimacy is not "disrespecting" oneself. In fact, it's the opposite.

    To lie to yourself, and keep yourself from doing something that would make you happy... that is disrespectful to yourself.

    Whatever you choose to do. I hope you choose whichever makes you happy. :) Hope that helps.

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    • Thank you so much it really helped and I felt gulty because im a Christian. And you know Christians say its bad

    • I'm glad! I used to be Christian, but I don't know much about it anymore... maybe there's a church that is more open about relationships? I think it can be depressing to have people constantly guilt-tripping you about doing something that makes you happy.

      They always made it seem way too terrifying and wrong. But they don't educate you enough about STDs and pregnancy. I felt like I knew nothing... and I had a very hard time being touched and then having sex later on because I was so scared I was doing something "wrong".

      The best thing for me was to accept that it's not "wrong", it's simply a choice. There are no right and wrong ones. Only ones that are good for you, or not good. Of course, you have to think of what will happen in the long run, vs immediate happiness. But in the end, that is a choice you have to live with. So it's yours alone.

      I know it's hard... especially when you're young and not completely free to make choices at your age. But I think you'll do fine. :)

  • Don't let him force you to do anything and if your ok then a bit of gropings fine. Dont have sex though. Because otherwise he might dump you right after. You never know. But if he agrees to wait then he's not just using you and he's legit a good guy. A little bit of touch is fine but not too much.

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  • Go for it. As long as you don't feel super harassed or anything, you're not hurting anyone. It's actually pretty nice. (If you drop the sexuality of it, it's just like getting a back rub... Except on your butt.) If he gets too pushy or excited with his actions, tell him to cool it and that you're just not ready. But deffinately stuck to booty touches before booby touches. Anyway just stick to what's comfortable but don't be afraid to step out of the box a little. Don't knock it till you try it.

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  • Yeah, he's your boyfriend. Let him touch your butt. Nothing wrong with that. It would be different if he was asking to touch your vajayjay in this situation haha

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  • i love when my boyfriend touches me everywhere, but thats cuz im comfortable with my body and trust him.

    however, in your case, you dont feel comfortbale yet and so you shouldnthave to do anything you aren't ready for or comfortable with.

    sex and intimacy is not a sin in my opinion. it just feels good

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  • I don't think it's wrong for you to let him touch ur butt. I let my boyfriend do that when ever he wants I was like u but then I realized it's not disrespecting urself

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