Curious? Need HELP?

In my experiences in dating, I have noticed that a lot of men don't like women who "speak up" or stand up to them. I believe that both men and women deserve respect in relationships, but I seem to have issues with those men in particular who seeem to be uncomfortable when I express myself.

Those same men go on to date "slow" women, or women who let them behave however, and some men even marry those women. But for some reason I seem to make guys uncomfortable. Also, these same men think it's ok for them to talk however they want, act however they want, but I can't do the same.

Anybody have any experience in this? If so, what did you do? ANy suggestions?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hmm. . .

    I like women that stand up for themselves, but not in a domineering or aggressive manner, or any manner suggesting that they have been hurt by a comment I may have made that wasn't by any means directed at them.

    So, that may not make a lot of sense, but there are some women who I find overly domineering, and who almost make it a point to stand up for themselves even when you are lightly joking about something. And then it seems a mountain is made out of a molehill, and I find that very unattractive.

    But maybe this isn't what you had in mind. Care to offer an example of when you've stuck up for yourself during a date? A dialogue would be nice : )

    CHEERS!

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    • Hi

      Most of the time, I have a fairly pleasant personality, but when a person deliberately says stuff about me and attacks me I tend to stick up for myself... kinda HARD. If a person offends, me I can be very VOCAL about it. It's only after I tell them off that they say that they were just "playing" or joking" but most of the time when I react that way... it feels like they aren't kidding...

    • Well, then it sounds like you need to get some advice from your best friends. Ask them if they honestly think you overreact to people's comments.

      You might be hypersensitive, which is okay, but if you are, then it's helpful to be aware of it so that you can learn to take a joke with less sensitivity.

      Without actually seeing you react, it's hard to say what the deal is. And given the popularity of passive aggressiveness, you might be right about them not actually joking.

      When people say they are only "joking," (which doesn't mean they necessarily were--it could be a cop-opt for them), do you tell them it doesn't feel like it, and that you are pretty sure they aren't? What do they say?

What Girls Said 1

  • In my experience the men who act that way are generally insecure, or have been raised very traditionally in the sense that the man is the head of the household. So long as you are respectfully expressing your opinion and respectful to their opinions even if you don't agree with them then I do think it is just their own insecurities or upbringing that is causing this. All of my exes were like this they became nearly repelled by me when I expressed my views on certain subjects as if I had no right to say anything on the matter or as if I was some how insulting them for having an opinion especially if it was in front of our friends. However the guy I am with now loves the fact that I speak my mind and encourages it as do I to him even if we don't agree with one anothers points of view we debate it out and just respect each others opinions anyway and that is the end of it. Also keep in mind some women prefer to be treated like that by their man, hence why the guys you have encountered have gone on to marry women who just accept that kind of behaviour, however a number of them may also have self esteem issues also

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    • Thanks for your opinion... I find that a lot of them who are insecure do have an issue with a woman who speaks her mind. But I don't want to be the kind of woman a man is afraid of...

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