Is it selfish to go into a relationship knowing you have major self esteem issues?

I feel like my self esteem issues could cause a lot of relationship problems. Do I need to work on myself before dating. I feel I might constantly seek approval or need reassurance that she really likes me. I don't want to be a burden. Should I ask someone out letting them know how I am? or save Them from headaches by holding off.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • "Do I need to work on myself before dating?"... YES.

    You should be focus on resolving your issues instead of getting involved with someone else. It's unfair to the other person to deal with your baggage. Why not work on them first then try your hand at dating? Also, if you're trying to use "love" or "sex" or "dating" to deal with your issues then thats so not the way to go. In fact it can make it even worst. I've had friends who depend on guys to keep their self esteem steady and when the guy jets or doesn't feed their ego, their self esteem collapse. Thats because it was only being balanced by someone else. they had all the power over that person's self esteem. I wish u the best with everything. Sorry if I sound harsh! Just tryna help! :)

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    • It's not harsh. I just don't know how to improve my self esteem. I've never felt like someone has found me attractive and am not sure how to get over that without having someone show me differently.

    • 1. Identify GOOD traits about yourself. (Go head, think of five right now) Feel good that you have those traits... enhance them.. use them to your advantage.

      2. Acknowledge your insecurities. WORK on them. IE: Therapy, talking to someone you confide in (who's very optimistic), or working on it on your own. Good luck :)

      Also, attraction is NOT all about physical appearance so perhaps your low self esteem reduces attraction? Not sure if this is the case but it happens.

    • My low self esttem locks up my ability to tell those I like how I feel. I have female friends and have ended up being friends with girls I like. Two girls I've liked found out that I liked them and only saw me as a friend. I'm trying to get past it. But think only time will help.

What Girls Said 2

  • It's not selfish at all. For all you know she may have the same issues... or, she might still be understanding. Just let her know. Relationships are about putting the other person first - and that goes both ways. So if she can't understand then she isn't somebody you should be dating

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  • Tell them upfront what type of person you are. A relationship is supposed to be where two individuals accept one another and both work at their relationship as a team.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm sure most girls here will say yes

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    • Yes that I should wait or yes that it's ok

  • I wouldn't say selfish so much as ill-advised and silly. If you know you have an issue, why continue to live with it instead of addressing it? That makes no sense to me when people KNOW what their issue is, but don't have the gumption to buckle down and attack it head on.

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    • The only issue is that it will take a lot of time and I'm not even sure how to get past it. I'm wondering if I'm missing out on opportunities by thinking more about the other person. Or over thinking

    • Ok so it takes time... would you rather start now or start later? lol That's poor reasoning because it's gotta be fixed no matter what. I don't see what delaying things is really doing for you other than making you wait longer for the prize?

    • Valid point thanks I should do both makes sens

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