Been with bf 3.5 years.... he cheated over a year ago. It was a very elaborate thing, he was secretly talking with his ex from another country online and planning to leave the US to marry her. This was over the course of 2 months. I guess he changed his mind at some point, I found out and forgave him. Now our relationship is pretty solid, better than ever ...but I find myself having insecurity attacks. Example: I sleep over his house 5-6 nights a week. Last night I did not, and when I came over today I saw he had a nice dress shirt and dress shoes tossed on the floor (used) from the previous night. Obviously he knew I would see them, and I SO wanted to ask if he had gone somewhere last night. I went to the bathroom and cried because I hate being triggered like this and automatically assuming the worst. He is open with me, but after the cheating I refuse to go through his phone or computer at all to snoop. It doesn't help that he is very attractive and has many female friends. As well that he refuses to change his Facebook status to in a relationship, instead it is just blank. He has never changed it for any gf in the past. He does post pictures of us though, but still. How can I get through this? Every time I take one step forward, it's 3 back. =(
Most Helpful Guy
Some of the answers given are useless. There is nothing wrong with you at all, you are justified to feel this way. It is him at fault, not you. Whatever his betrayal, it is you that feels hurt or not, you can't control this and you have to accept whilst you are with him, it will always bother you.
A year has passed, so maybe its time you start asking yourself, is he doing enough to help me get over it? Has he earnt my trust? Only you can know deep down what the answer to these questions are.
For example, does he try and help you, or reassure you? Has he shown a desire to prove that he has changed and that he won't betray you again? Are you able to talk to him about your insecurities or are you fearing he may get angry?
Obviously I do not know your partner, but I can say from and outside view it sounds like he has you under a bit of a magic spell. If he has cheated on you already, but can't compromise with even little things like changing his Facebook status then something is wrong. It doesn't necessarily mean he is going to use Facebook to chat to other girls, but it does show he has no desire to change for you, or to help you through this. It also shows he has no empathy towards the way you feel.
So I think you need to question this and make a decision. It can work and you can trust again, but you can't make yourself trust someone, its his job to earn your trust.
I know I have been in your situation before and I tried to make things work, it never did and now I am glad I moved on. If she showed she was willing to change and earn my trust things could have been different, but she didn't so I ended things.3
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