Is it selfish to remove someone from your life who doesn't respect or help you?

Ok so usually ill just ask a straight forward question but I'm in need of some real advice ! I am a young lady and I have a lover who I have been on off with for years I'm talking maybe 10 years now with year gaps and all sorts and I'm struggling a bit in life with money and health and nine times put of ten he will make me feel worse before he makes me feel better I've looked at it, this situation and I feel like his presence in my life is causing me more harm than good he puts me down when I really don't need it and makes me feel like I'm replaceable and I don't feel like things will change anytime soon and when I remove him some people say I'm not very nice for doing that but I'm so confused and I love him a lot but I have to love myself more or I can't see this ending well! For me especially he's very controlling and I feel like I've put myself on hold to cater for him? Any advice men or women please ask any questions if I haven't made things clear ! Dicussing this will help thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am sorry to hear this! You should leave so that you can recover; it is not selfish to take care of yourself and actively work for your own benefit. :) He is abusive.

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What Guys Said 5

  • What is wrong with being selfish sometimes? Like most things in life whether or not being selfish is good or bad is a matter of balance. If you aren't going to look out for yourself no one will. We all need to put ourselves first from time to time. It doesn't matter if that is selfish or not, its just something that has to be done. This is YOUR life, and you are the only one that has a right to decide how you live it.

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  • hell no it isn't selfish, its better for your life. I've already burned a few bridges with people I used to consider really close friends, they just turned out to be piece of shit human beings, I'm off for the better.

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  • if that doesbt' respect u... it's only fair isn;t it?

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  • No I do that all the time in my life. I can drop someone in a heartbeat if I see they're a complete pos. Don't know why you love a guy who has no respect for you. He seems selfish and very undesirable.

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    • I honestly can't explain that this is why I'm looking at this situation so confused that really isn't me I would rather eat shit than let someone make me feel like this

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    • That's the plan it's just not easy as he is really obsessive

    • Thanku for your opinion tho

  • No it isn't selfish at all... sometimes you have to do it if you love yourself

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    • I know It's ridiculous please as a man don't allow anyone to do this and don't do this to anyone it's discusting thanku for commenting

    • Hope it was helpfull...

What Girls Said 5

  • Doesn't respect me / is controlling. If I am certain of either is leave immediately. The only question is whether I'm sure not what to do if I am sure. Like honestly think it is impossible to be around someone who does not even treat you as well as you treat yourself and remain sane... You're living a double consciousness.

    What is it that make you think he doesn't respect you and how did you put your life on hold and how is he controlling?

    It will help you falsify what to so if you specify exactly what it is you think is going on -- not just what you feel though of course that is important.:)

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    • He treats me like I am one of many he doesn't take my feelings seriously and he will openly admit he doesn't care about me or anyone else, by controlling I mean he will tell me what to do with my life and things like getting a piercing he will talk me out of it, my life on hold was me changing practically everything I do like working and certain friends I had he would act different on the phone and make me feel bad for spending time with her

    • I think it is time for you to be selfish... Care for yourself you can see he's not. I think it's time to walk away. Respect is everything in a relationship.

      Take care.

  • Sometimes decision you make can be selfish for other people. But it can be the best for you. So which side you will prefer? Of course your side.
    You deserve happiness and peace like everyone else. And he doesn't bring any peace to your life. So what do you wait for? Decision has to be made. Even it is the harshest.

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  • he doesn't make you feel good and isn't treating you right so cut his ass off. why do you need to keep someone in your life who is negative? you deserve to be happy. fuck him, you come first. if he can't act right then he needs to get gone

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    • Maybe he will realise what he's like I am so strong I've told him to jog on but let's hope that lasts your so right fuck him just needed some real opinions thanku

  • Nope. Sometimes you have to be selfish in life - you have to look after yourself because clearly he isn't. You're not here for everyone else's benefit :) If he's not doing you any favours and you've given him a chance to rectify that then demote

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  • It's not selfish. This is YOUR life. You are allowed to decide who will be part of it. You can pretty much cut off anyone for any reason.

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    • I know but I just feel like I know what's best for me then people put doubt in my mind thanku for answering I hope I can stay strong and keep this in mind

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