EXCLUDING SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY, what do you consider most important in keeping a relationship strong, happy, and fulfilling?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honesty, caring, loving, sharing, giving, communication
    willing to listen, not self consuming, think with the heart..

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    • what do you consider self-consuming?

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    • Thank You for Mho :)

What Guys Said 19

  • Communication easily. I seriously cringe at how I've talked with girls and they've talked about all these things that they've done to overly complicate their situations. One the other day told me how she was deliberately waiting days to text a guy because it apparently was some sort of rule and when I said "what rule?" she actually got frustrated. I know myself that I'd never pull those silly childish games.

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    • lol, the way people talk about texting on here almost makes me want to remove it from my phone.

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    • I had an old friend of mine get frustrated at someone he was trying to give directions to because he would call and not get an answer yet get an immediate text back which made giving directions a pain for him.

    • yea, I would just stop talking to that person.

  • I could help you with that since im in a long distance, which means absolutely nothing sexual, for a while :D

    Well, there are some factors that have been said by everyone over a million times. Honesty. Its insanely important, if s/he is honest, you could believe everything, even when they tell you the most unrealistic thing. I've been in a strong long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 6 months, yes we fight but we work it out (3-5 times so far, impressive, right?). Don't discuss your problems with others. They will give you suggestions that you have to live with. They're just giving advice, because its easy to talk and comes with no responsibility for them.

    Always remember the small things. yes, big things are major but without the small things it won't survive. Small things that I've done for my gf so far (some of them):
    Send her flowers on our monthly anniversary (even tho we live 10,500 km apart)
    made her a video for her birthday, collected them from 9 of her favorite people (9 is her favorite number, another small detail)
    send her cute quotes at least 3 times a week
    send her songs, funny videos
    talk at least 2 hours a day (3 hours on average)
    send cute msgs every here and then
    the list goes on but you get the point. So little things matter.

    Feeling cared about. If you care about your partner but won't show it, its almost worthless. My girlfriend is crazy about me, but didn't show it much which was really hurtful for awhile, until I gave her time and she became comfortable. You have to invest your time. Really invest it. Listen, a lot!

    Find about your partners favorite things, and surprise him/her once in awhile. Surprises are awesome!

    I'm a car enthusiast (petrolhead), and she always send me pictures of cars. Do you know how great that makes me feel? So you have to see what your partner cares about, and then you have to care about it too.

    I'm limited to the characters here, but if you like to hear more, shoot me a message :)
    best of luck

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    • I'm single, I just really like asking relationship questions...

      why is talking to outside people a bad thing to you?

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    • I've given good advice to friends in relationships. maybe the key is to be careful who you ask.

    • I never said that was the case all the time, but I personally feel like it's not worth the risk.

  • friendship

    Do you get along with this person. Do you enjoy yourself around them. If you wouldn't be friends with this person if you never started a relationship, it probably won't work out

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    • I very highly agree with this. I've always felt the person you're dating should be considered a friend to you as well. not separate from your friends, but a special friend.

  • Kindness and appreciation, openly expressed. Learning new things and growing together. Not allowing familiarity to stifle expressions of gratitude and other bonding rituals. Things along those lines.

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    • so, do you feel people should verbally show their gratitude toward their spouses or showing it is good enough?

    • I think verbal expression is important. Not to say non-verbal expressions are inadequate in anyway, sometimes they're fine by themselves, but I think it's healthy to actually verbalize one's sentiments.

  • Companionship and similar goals.

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  • Communication, trust, adventure

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  • Having fun together, and telling each other how you feel. Don't assume that your SO knows what's in your heart.

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    • hmm, honestly I don't think I'm very good at verbally expressing my feelings with the guys I date. it never seems like guys need to hear that much.

  • Overall compatibility, trust/honesty, concern for one another, understanding of eachother, and of course love

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  • Effort... Without effort in the form of attention the love fades away! Both sides have to make an effort to demonstrate how much they love the other person.

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    • demonstrate makes it sound like you have to prove your love to one another. is that what you mean?

    • yes you do have to prove to that person that you love them... if you don't prove it by saying it and showing them how you feel (ie., demonstrate) then they will figure you don't love them and move on to someone else that will pay them attention.

  • Both time apart from each other, could be hours to even a full day, and conversation. Both make you appricate your other.

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  • Communication.

    They say that conversations rank 2nd in most pleasurable behind sex, but you know those girls who you just get you and you get, too?

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  • Being able to keep a dialogue going and actually enjoy each other's company.

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  • Personality compatibility.

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  • The ability to cook! :)

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  • Not sexual comparability at all. But learning and communication with each other as well as continuing to date.

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  • Trust every magazine says the same thing.

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  • Someone who can make me laugh.

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  • I miss being able to laugh with my girlfriend over the stupidest things. No matter how weird either one of us got, we accepted each other, and would act weird together. We could let our guards down and act like 10 year old children playing in the backyard. Sometimes we would buy candy and just camp out on the trampoline. The sex is never a memory i miss, the memories of feeling happy, and laughing with her are the ones i treasure. So all that is what i personally feel keeps my relationships strong and happy.

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  • Flexibility, honesty and trust.

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    • elaborate a bit on flexibility.

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    • ok, so don't hold grudges against each other over unimportant things.

    • Yes. It was improtant but not as much as the family and our life together.

What Girls Said 7

  • I think for my own relationships, definitely open and comfortable communication, which involves an environment in which the two can be honest about their feelings without an excessive defensiveness from the other person in sensitive times. Good conversation in general, from the silly to the serious topics. Shared values and aligned beliefs, politically and in terms of "spiritual" faiths, or in my case, lack thereof. Warmth and affectionate, in our words and physical interaction. I like kisses, cuddling, hugs, and mild PDA. Some shared interests as well, and perspectives. And a comfort with independence in our social lives. No possessiveness or jealousy when I go on trips. And that gets to another key aspect - trust. Without trust, its all a giant shit show and race to the end anyway.

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    • why do you think shared political and spiritual values need to be the same?

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    • Some people are more open to stark differences in their views in relationships, but like I said, these people tend to have different natures and interests from my own, and the things they talk about in their relationships don’t often include the things I discuss on a daily basis in my own.

      I will say that it is really interesting when that isn't the case, when they are similar types of people who discuss these things regularly, and have two very different viewpoints on these core issues. And while I stand by everything I said here and what matters to me, I can kind of see how some people would want to side step beliefs and "just focus on the person." Its a difficult concept for me, as I've already said that at the core of "the person" is their beliefs and how they see the world. But I can kind of understand it, and it would work, as long as you don't talk about certain things too often.

    • ok, that makes sense. I think for me some of those would need to be similar too.

  • Ooh, this is tough. Huge toss up between trust, communication, and effort...

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    • lol, I probably shouldn't have worded it as the most important thing. things sounds better. these are all equally important. (:

    • Agreed. :D I couldn't choose between them, since they all kind-of go together.

  • To keep a a relationship...
    ... strong: Intellectual compatibility
    ... happy: Emotional compatibility
    ... fulfilling: Spiritual & Physical compatibility
    ... long: Practical compatibility

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    • haha, everything from you're poll before. I still wouldn't know how to put it in percents.

    • Hahaha yeah... xD I think everything has to be more or less compatible to get what you want. At first I just wanted to say practical compatibility.. because I first read what it takes to have a long lasting relationship.. and then I read again and it was about strong happy and fullfilling.. but I don't think those come from the same 'kind' of compatibility.

  • Being 100% honest with each other and 100% comfortable. Meaning you can look extremely stupid and goofy and the other person doesn't mind. Also finds it cute and fun. So where you don't feel like you have to hide anything. Like you can tell them the most embarrassing thing about you and it be not a big deal.

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  • If they don't have a sense of humor or at least one close to mine, I can't deal with the person.

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    • hmm, I've never thought of incompatible senses of humor before.

    • There totally is. at least for me and my mom haha. Her last boyfriend was terrible in that way & he even told her that we "have a totally different style of humor." Things didn't workout between them. (Not just because of the humor thing though :D)

  • Communicashin'

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  • Trust in both sides.

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