Why do I lose interest when a guy starts to show he has feelings for me?

Whenever I start talking to a guy and he starts to show interest or tells me he "likes me", I feel like I just am not into it anymore. I feel myself almost beginning to pull away. Does this happen to anyone else?

This has been happening ever since I could remember. Is it normal?
I feel stupid for even asking haha. -.-


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 2 reasons

    1 you like the chase

    2 the guy is WEAK and doesn't know how to NOT give you what you want. Instead he'd lay down his life for you and put everything on hold. How oh so unattractive and NOT what you want. If he was a real man he wouldn't EVER give you the satisfaction of knowing his feelings while you still knew, lol a contradiction BUT there is a way to do so. He would bond through your conversations and understanding and hearing you and be you're rock. And he'd have his own ever interesting life. BUT I've rarely met guys like that able to have their own fun life YET truly give a damn about a girl without giving away his power and giving away his feelings and keeping it a mystery. It can be hard to balance, most guys are insecure losers just putting up a front AND you find that out once they reveal their feelings and they are willing to do so much for you when you really haven't done anything for them. So you might as well settle for another loser as they're everywhere. Good luck with that

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What Guys Said 7

  • It's like seeing a commercial for something you already own.

    If you bought it to own it, because you imagined owning it would feel good, maybe influenced by advertising, but now you don't really use it, you probably won't feel much when you see that commercial.

    On the other hand, if the thing is something you use every day, which provides value to you every day, you might think: 'Ah, yes, that was a really good purchase.'

    Talk is cheap. If that guy is not providing value to you regularly, no wonder the novelty has worn off.

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    • I really like this analogy. I suppose you're right though. I'm just afraid that this will really fuck things up for me one day. Y'know?

    • Show All
    • Ah. I know of two theories on this; one was Stephen R. Covey (self-help guru) who wrote: '(...) love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb.' In other words, if you put in the hard work of loving someone, you will reap the feeling of love.

      Another approach is that of Helen Fisher (biological anthropologist), who talks about three drives: lust, attraction and attachment. Lust attracts you to the opposite (or same) sex. Attraction focuses your attention on one person (infatuation). Attachment may or may not arise after some time together (I don't recall the number of months, but I think it was around three months to a year). The point is that these drives seem to be centered on various hormones and/or neurotransmitters, and that they can operate independently of one another, so that you can be attracted to someone but never really grow attached to them. Or grow attached to someone you aren't attracted to:

      www.ted.com/.../helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat

  • same reason I lose interest when a girl openly admits she likes me. the challenge, the pursuit, the game, its all over! no satisfaction whatsoever.

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  • You're more interested in the challenge than the actual person. When they tell you they like you, it feels like you've won and you're ready to move on.

    Or perhaps you're worried about a relationship becoming serious, or you're worried about having to take responsibility for someone else's strong emotions toward you.

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  • You're a tease. You like the game of attracting guys to you, and then when they actually show interest you like to be able to reject them.

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  • Maybe you're afraid of commitment, or you have trust issues?
    That doesn't happen to me, but I've heard of it, and it's usually because of what I said before.

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  • We all want what we can't have, and doesn't appreciate what we do have. It not abnormal.

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  • you like a challenge

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What Girls Said 3

  • No it hasn't happened to me that I know of but I can understand you wish the boding was longer and it came too soon.. Am I kinda right?

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  • I do too. I've ever felt the same way. Poor us.

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  • This happens to me all the time. I'm not 100% certain, but I think it's because I simply just enjoy the mystery of being in a relationship with the guy, and not actually interested in having a relationship. So when I hear he likes me I get scared and avoid him for a while. This also maybe because I'm too self-conscious, or that I'm not datable material as I'm not interested in kissing or anything yet.

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    • I'm 16 by the way, so I'm at the age where boys don't have "cooties" anymore.

    • I completely get what you're saying. It literally SUCKS feeling like this. I feel bad that I am like this but I can't help it.
      I even find myself picking out things that I don't necessarily like about the person... like if he'll text me & call me babe or be all cute-sy... I'm just like no, please just stop.

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