Should I call it off or keep trying with him? please I need opinions?

2 months ago I started seeing a guy that was kind of my friend before but we always secretly liked each other and had a crazy chemistry. None of us is usually a relationship person and we're both bad at stuff like that but we said we would give it a try. Because of this the start was kind of rocky, we were happy when we were together but overthining it while we were not about whether we want to be serious. After 3 weeks he 'dumped' me, because he said he was not sure of what he wants and it's not fair towards me and because he respects me he doesn't want to play me but would rather be honest. He was also going through some stuff in his life and was kind of messed up so I understood that. However, he regretted it immidiately and spent the next three weeks trying his best to get me back. I rejected him at first (and he even teared up because of that it was sweet) but as he kept trying I decided to give him another chance.He said he really liked me for ages, that I make him happier and he realized he only wants to be with me and that he wanted to be serious and exclusive this time. He genuinly seemed to care and like me & wanted to make it work. However, the timing was pretty bad as I went travelling for a month right after we started seeing each other again. I was with him right before I left though and it was great and he said he can't wait to see me again. Anyway as I've been gone for over two weeks, expecting him to message me, he didn't do it. He's not the type of person to really initiate conversations and stuff, so I finally decided to message him first & give it a go. It went on ok i guess until he just suddenly stopped messaging me back (without conversation dying or anything, he just ignored it). I don't think I'm overreacting thinking he's changed his mind again. I don't know what to say to him when I come back, and I'm thinking of calling it off just because Im to stressed about it and I don't want him to dump me first AGAIN, I'd

Updates:
I know him not messaging me and ignoring me is a really bad sign, but I'm thinking why would he go through all the struggle of getting me back just to change his mind again after two weeks?
The main reason I would call it off is so he doesn't do it first and I seem fine. I know its childish but last time when he dumped me all of his friends treated me like some kind of heartbroken victim even though i was fine and it was pretty annoying. I know I should talk to him, but I don't even know what to say without showing him that I care and that I'm upset

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd suggest you be blunt and upfront with him. If it doesn't go well then time to move on!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Its all your side and what do you feel. Where is his side?

    Again, you said he was going through some stuff in his life, it is possible its why he is not contacting you. I mean even if he wants but what would he talk about?

    Would be happy and chatty if something is wrong in your life? Let him be and give him a space.

    However I would suggest to message him that "dear, I don't know what I am missing. Is there anything would you like to share with me? You can share anything you want. FEEL FREE to let go your worries and I will talk to you in person when I will see you."

    If he has something he would tell you and even after sending this message he doesn't say anything and behave in a same way. Forget him.

    This is the best thing you can do within your power. Don't worry about the stuff that is simply not under your power. You gave him a choice and if he doesn't do anything, you GOT NOTHING to lose except memories.

    Gather as many as you could as its exactly what makes you YOU just don't expect someone forcefully to be in that memory.

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    • Yeah! Never ever go into the vicious cycle of being "friends". It doesn't going to work for you. Either be a bf and gf or just be a DECENT HUMAN BEING with strong boundaries. He is not your FRIEND anymore. Always prefer to be in reality, may be harsh but extremely peaceful in the end.

  • Don't worry about one upping him by being the one to call it off. That IS childish... very!!!

    Instead, ask him why he stopped replying. He may have had some sort of emergency going on in his life!!!

    Never good to judge people without knowing their situation, imao.

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  • OMG! haha same thing happened with me 2 summers ago

    So i started dating this girl, right before i left for italy, but we weren't exclusive and had been dating for about 2 weeks

    i was so busy on vacation i didn't really message her, i messaged her 2-3 times over a course of 5 weeks

    she thought i had been hooking up like a wild man which was beyond the truth, so she told me when i got back, "i really dont want to be with you, anymore sorry, i think we want 2 different things"
    i was like wtf!!!
    so i had to fight for her love!, we dated for a year =) and had a lot of happy times

    dont break up with him, just for that, its a weird spot but, i think just expressing to him that you would like to more, is the way to go
    Let him know that although you are away you are thinking of him!

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    • it's useful to get a different point of view. it only worries me that in this case I am the one travelling and being busy and when I asked him how his break is he said he's bored and has nothing to do - so being busy is clearly not why he is not talking to me.

      I guess I will just have to confront him and ask him what's up once I return, it's just I'm afraid to do that and show that I care in case he then just says that he changed his mind

    • dont worry about that, just let him know when you get back, you can't wait to spend time with him, focus on the positive
      He is probably bored, and doesn't want to make himself seem lame, by saying "i am doing nothing!"

What Girls Said 1

  • Call it off. This guy is a poor communicator.

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    • yes, that's what i'm thinking as well. it's interesting to see how girl's point of view is different from the advice i got from guys. but it's always a struggle putting up with someone who doesn't clearly show he wants to be with you i'm not sure i want to deal with that

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    • If I were you. Ill just leave him a message to say it's over. Do not contact me anymore.

    • I think I'll message him when I come back asking to meet up & talk and do it in person, but yes.

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