The Great Houdini: When a Guy Disappears?

Story: had a nice first date. We kept in touch and met for 2nd date. During 2nd date he kisses me and invites me into his house. I want to but say no because I don't want to get attached too soon emotionally as I know I will if I sleep with a guy. He says we will keep in touch. I go home and text him to thank him for the night. No reply. Next day I text again something about how I enjoyed last night but need to know him better before getting physically intimate, so he doesn't get the impression I'm not interested. Asks him to call me to talk. Nothing. So far nothing and it's been 2 days. I assume he's done the great Houdini act and disappeared. Probably never to return. I'm gutted but can do nothing about it. Should I:

  • text him in about a week to say: "it's been nice knowing you and I wish you well and bye"
    0% (0)17% (1)10% (1)Vote
  • Don't text anything or contact him again
    75% (3)67% (4)70% (7)Vote
  • Something else - please tell me in your answer
    25% (1)16% (1)20% (2)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Poor girl. =(

    You definitely didn't do anything wrong. I think he may have just been a horny dude who decided to act like a child when he didn't get his way as he had invisioned it.

    Even if he hadn't planned on seducing you when you got in, he should have still been flexible enough to keep pursuing you after you decided not too come in.

    You don't need to do anything else. You already did more than enough to show you appreciate him, and now only he can swallow his pride and make a move from here. You did do the right thing though. Good luck!

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    • Thank you :)

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    • Thank you. I really value your thoughts :) all the best

    • My pleasure, best of luck!

What Guys Said 2

  • He is just thinking, maybe he is busy. This is the WORST problem nowadays - texting. Texting creates a psychic-ego in all of us. When someone doesn't respond, or responds too quickly, or is really short, or says way too much, we always try to interpret their motives and what they are thinking through texting; and, most of the time, it results in us dwelling on the wrong things for too long, and sometimes acting on the wrong assumptions which could drive people away.

    Just give him some time, after a week if he says nothing just send him a short text or tag him in an instagram or something; just something to remind him that you are thinking about him, but not that you are "worrying" about his lack of response.

    I hate this game as much as anyone, but its reality now, as shitty as that may be.

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    • In past he has responded to my texts - usually within a few hours. So this probably means he will not contact me again because it's been so long. He's maybe mad at me for turning him down or just plain not interested and moving on?

    • Well, whether you realize or not, you're thinking exactly how I said people think when this happens: you're reading into his absence too much, trying to be a "psychic" and figure out was his motive or intention is, and you're dwelling on things that aren't facts - they are just assumptions that may or may not be true.

      Just try not to think about his motives or intentions, and just give him time. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine receiving the texts that you want to send to him. I f***ing hate these stupid texting games, but once again, its reality now. So put yourself in his shoes, and if you were wanting a little time to think about whether or not you want to be with this guy, and he is texting you appearing "needy" or "desperate" for your attention - like what your messages would come off as - then just sit back and let time play it out.

      I mean, if you think he genuinely likes you, then just wait a week and say something.

    • Ok thanks I will wait.

  • I hate to say it , so I'll ask you too ; can you say player? It seems by his fight or flight way of working it he chose flight. He seemed to feel it was just going to require too much work to get what he wanted from you and moved on to an easier target.

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    • I think he was not really into me. Slightly curious maybe. From the signs I read. He just went along for 2nd date. Though he was communicating with me between 1st and 2nd date to indicate some interest like how have you been etc. And at the end of the date maybe he thought 'well maybe I can get laid tonight?' And I said no. So in wounded pride maybe just decided to run. My guess.

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    • Yeah time will tell and I will wait thanks for your honesty :)

    • My pleasure young Lady. Good luck

What Girls Said 5

  • Don't text him. It could be that he is interested and there is some reason he hasn't gotten back to you yet, and if that IS the case, then he will contact you. You've already texted him a couple of times, so he knows you're interested and there's no confusion there, so he WILL contact you if he is also interested.

    But, there's a good chance he just wanted to get laid and when you didn't come in after that date, he decided not to bother pursuing further. If that's the case, he's probably not going to contact you again or, if he does, it'll be when he's horny and wants to try again.

    If it goes more than a week before he contacts you and asks you out again, it's a safe bet that you're looking at situation #2 here... if he gets back to you sometime in the next couple days, go for it.

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    • It's weird - we have things in common eg music and movies etc - so I think we would make good friends. But on 2nd date he seemed a bit distant so I didn't get the sense that he was really interested. And I guess he just tried to get laid that night but was unsuccessful. I'll wait it out anyway but not that hopeful. :( thanks for your advice

    • Yeah and the reason I say don't text him is because if he was just trying to get laid, then yeah he's probably not going to text you, but if you contact him he might give it another shot and then the same thing is gonna happen.

  • I wouldn't text until he texts ypu, but considering it took him several days I'd be a little hesitant.

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  • Don't text - wait

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  • Wow, I can feel your pain. This just happened to me after the first date. I got along talking daily with the guy for two weeks and felt really comfortable with him. We did hook up and cuddle, but I didn't want to have sex first time around.

    After not receiving a reply for three days I degraded him via text. It was awful to be in this position. I wasted a couple of weeks getting to know him for what seems like nothing.

    It is easier to believe that he just wanted to get laid, but I swear it seemed like he had feelings for me. Who knows if I will ever find out!

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    • 😢
      It's horrible isn't it to be disrespected. Bad enough to feel disappointed that it didn't work out the way that you wanted, but just to be given the cold shoulder. I tried calling him yesterday after a week of silence but he didn't pick up. Finally texted him to say: I assume you aren't interested. That's ok. I wish you well. Bye.

      Even then not even a 'I wish you well' too. 😣
      I think he was insulted that I turned down his invitation to make out. So he feels it's his right to treat me in this way. Heartless.

      The worst part is that I regret not making out or kissing him properly. Because I wanted to - just not so soon and not in that way. At least I would have had the experience to remember. But I'll never know now. This guy really got under my skin because I liked him so much. HUGS sister. You will meet someone who treats you with love and respect. x

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    • Check your inbox missy

  • That guys a jerk by what i know, because maybe he just wanted to sleep with u and when he found out that u werent that type he just left u know.

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