Is my boyfriend jealous even though he considers himself polyamorous?

My boyfriend has had polyamorous relationships in the past though nothing that was ever serious. He said that as he got older, he started preferring mostly mono ones. His last relationship lasted 3 years and the only time they had outside partners was when they had threesomes a couple of times. Our relationship is technically open. Neither of us are interested in going out of our way, but if an opportunity presents itself, we're free to take it. We also hate "don't ask, don't tell." He says he sees me as a divorced woman and has encouraged me to "get out there." He says he thinks it would be good for me because I was with the same guy for 10 years. While he got to experience a lot in his younger days. He said he wouldn't be offended or want to stop seeing me if I want to experience other guys. I like the idea of having the option, but I'm not ready. And I'm wondering if he's more jealous then he lets on. For example, I hung out with my guy friend for several hours, and he texted me way more than usual and wanted to hang out afterward. When I saw him, he seemed a little distant, and made joking comnents like,"So how was he?" He said I seemed awfully excited about seeing my friend. And when any guy talks to me at social events, he fishes for info in a weird way by saying things like,"You're crazy beautiful, no wonder (guy I spoke to at a party) said he'd leave his wife for you." "Have you noticed how he gravitates towards you at events?" When my male roomate made teasing jokes about me on group chat, my bf was replying to him like crazy and he never replies to him on there. Is he jealous?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, it sounds like he's getting territorial about you. I'm a polyamorous person, and I admit that there have been girls over whom I've gotten jealous. It happens when we really like the girl. It's a complicated situation, a sort of contradiction that many men feel.

    I can fall for a certain girl, but I stay out of committed relationships because I know at some point that I will want to get sex with another girl. There's nothing like the rush of experiencing new pussy for the first time, and I won't give that up. I work hard to make myself as physically and socially attractive as possible just so I'll have the option of sex with lots of women. But this doesn't mean I don't still have feelings for a given girl.

    It's a Catch-22, and it's the reason I don't think even 'open' relationships can work. Eventually someone will get jealous and it'll blow up in your face. That's why I stay unattached. There are fewer hurt feelings, and I get what I want.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm in a polyamorous relationship, and I generally encourage partners to 'get out there' a little bit, as it's kind of the only way to handle the time management. It does sound like he is drifting into some jealousy issues.

    You may want to talk to him about it. The only way poly can really work is if things are all out and open and discussed. It is a lot of work emotionally, and there are clearly some issues that are not being communicated. If they continue without being addressed they will short-circuit the relationship. The 'joking' comments sounds passive-aggressive, and the open nature of the relationship won't work if you feel emotionally punished for pursuing something. That's not how it works.

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  • It sounds to me like it could turn him on seeing u with another guy. Honestly if u feel up for it maybe start by having a 3 some with another man. I'm pretty sure he'll get off seeing u with another guy. Or if u do get with another guy then tell ur boyfriend about the experience n I'm pretty sure it'll make him want u like nothing else!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Is he your ex or your bf?

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    • He's my current bf, but he knows I ended a 10 year relationship last year.

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