I've been with him for 4 years. Its been a roller coaster ride almost the entire time. He's accused me of cheating on him since day 1 practically. Constantly telling everyone I lie to him 24/7 and just over all making me look like a scum bag. His whole family always blames me for him and I's issues. Regardless of knowing both sides of the story. Well... His anger issues.. Never has he once put his hands on me. But he screams bloody murder at me all the time. The reason why I'm posting this is because I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him and things will get better for awhile and then turn back around full bore. Same with me leaving. Shit will go good so I will come back and then shit will hit the fan again. Through the last few blowouts I've remained silent. Because I know the turn out either way. He will always stand above me screaming in my face. About an hour ago he pulled a stunt bigger than he ever has. He was pissed but still talking calm. His voice slightly raised but nothing major. Then as soon as we heard his parents walk into the house, he went off. I have never been scared of him before. And I was petrified. He took his side table and flipped it up and all over the bed that I was sitting on. Smashing our picture and dumping out the hot wax of his scentsy burner. He stormed out of the room and two seconds later came in and picked it up. And then went off on me again. He was screaming at the top of his lungs about how much a whore I was. Talking about how I'm on my phone 24/7. Which I'm not by the way. And just going off about stupid shit. But honestly... I was begging him to stop and he just got worse and worse. Until finally, I was in whole blown anxiety attack. Couldn't breath or speak. When he noticed, he said "Here we fucking go again" and tried pulling me against his chest to calm me down. I fought with all I could to get away from him. He eventually calmed down a little bit.. But I just don't know what to do anymore.
Most Helpful Girl
Holy crap. Where is he from? I'm not even joking, that is like... almost exactly detail by detail how my very first boyfriend who abused me was. He constantly accused me of cheating and would call me a whore/slut/bitch, etc. He would scream at me, punch holes in walls, and isolate me from everyone else. Everyone thought I was the problem. During that time I started having severe panic attacks every time he would yell at me and I would not be able to breathe, so then he would comfort me, say he loved me and that he wouldn't hurt me. Once I calmed down, he'd just do it all over again until I said what he wanted to hear or did what he wanted me to do (he would also force me to delete friends out of my life and even wanted me to stop talking to my male cousin). It sounds really similar, doesn't it?
This is abusive behavior. And I can tell you how mine ended up. I was eventually sexually abused repeatedly, threatened, my family threatened, and emotionally tormented for months. I had eating disorders, sleeping disorders, depression disorders, anxiety disorders, the panic attacks got worse, I started self-harming, and even attempted suicide. It is absolutely NOT worth it no matter how much you think you love him and he "loves" you. That is not love, it is abuse and you need to get out before it gets worse, because it WILL get worse.
The worst part is, and I'm sure you probably know how this is, you get attached to your abuser. Many people do not understand this, but these abusers know how to manipulate. In my case, he isolated me from friends and family, used personal things against me, and threatened me (so I couldn't leave). They also do what you described here, that "push/pull" game I call it. He abuses you into a panic attack and in your moment when you need someone to calm you down, he becomes your "hero". Wash, rinse, repeat. The isolation on top of this, a victim will become attached to their abuser for "survival". Again, please, value your life and leave ASAP.0
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