GUYS: Would you make official with a girl you have never touched before?

Might be a strange question, but I am sooo sick of cuddling and holding hands with a guy, only for him to not make it official with me. (Actually, it has only happened twice but I am obviously affected.) And yes, I am religious, will wait till marriage for sex, and obviously don't want to feel violated. I think a lot of times two people when they are seeing each other one on one, would naturally start holding hands, touching, etc., but if you're a guy, would you like it if the first time you hold the girl's hand, she asks you (even casually) if you two are a couple? Or would you prefer not to answer but maintain physical contact and see where it goes? I'm just afraid that if I let another guy touch me, I would feel taken advantage of if he doesn't want to become a couple with me. Hence I want the girlfriend status first before he gets to have any physical contact with me (like holding hands or putting his arm around me), but I wonder how most guys would feel about that.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Holding hands shouldn't be an issue, in my opinion. Holding hands could just be a signal that a guy likes you (and you reciprocating a signal that you like him back).

    Totally get the cuddling issue though (depending on the cuddling). Some guys, understand, might put their arm around the back of your chair as a protectiveness/familiarity signal. But if it's actual cuddling or you feel like it's intimate (but like you said, *not* sexual), casually asking might not be a bad idea. He might not answer or might get a little scared off or might have to evaluate his own feelings, but here's the point...

    If you have boundaries with a guy, you need to make those boundaries clear in as nice a way as possible (and firmly if necessary). That means making it clear that sex is totally out of the question (good for you, btw). Or R-rated movies. Or whatever you are uncomfortable with. Personally, I'd find a girl I was dating not wanting to hold hands a little odd as hand-holding strikes me as more testing the waters or flirtatious (in a positive way, usually). But if a girl wanted to make sure I was at least somewhat committed to seeing where the relationship went (i. e. boyfriend status!) before letting me put my arm around her, I'd understand that.

    Bottom line: If you want to set a boundary, set the boundary. Just understand that the guy might not understand. Your explanation makes sense to me at least though.

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    • Well, thank you! But if let's say she won't let you hold her hand before a relationship, would you agree? You said you found it odd but would you move on to someone else?

      And I've heard both sides - most say not to hold hands before a relationship.

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    • Okay thanks. One more question for you: If you and the girl you were seeing haven't become official yet, would you hold her hand publicly or just in private?

    • Probably just privately if we were around people we knew. Publicly if we were walking along the beach or on a nature trail or something.

What Guys Said 1

What Girls Said 1

  • Yes, many do.

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    • Sorry, many people do what? Hold hands/touch before relationship or after?

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