How to tell your partner you lied about your age?

So, me and this guy have been dating a little over five months, we had met off of an online dating site, and I kinda had lied and told him I was 15 when I'm currently 14, and he's 16, he just turned 16 in November. I didn't think we'd get this serious and I was planning on telling him before we did, but time flew by very quickly. I'm lost and I hate myself for lying in the first place, but I didn't want to be rejected once again for my age. I really like this guy, but I don't want to hurt his feelings for lying, especially since he has trusting issues it makes it harder to confess. So how can I tell him?

Updates:
So, things worked out pretty well! I video chatted him and I was a little nervous on telling him, but he accepted it. He laughed at it actually. But I wanted to thank you guy's sooooo much for your advice! So thanks haha

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First, you NEED to tell him. Because you're minors, depending on the age difference and rules in your state, he could actually get in trouble. You like him. You don't want that. Fortunately, it sounds like you are less than two years apart, so it's probable that he's okay. You shouldn't be doing the hanky panky at your ages anyway.

    His feelings will be hurt. He'll wonder what else he can't trust you on. But every single day you don't tell him, that's only going to get worse when he finally finds out. Also, you want to be the one to tell him, not your dad when he says, "Oh, and she had such a great fifteenth birthday a week ago."

    So be as honest as possible with him. Tell him you didn't want to be rejected because of your age, that you really like him, that you lied because you like him, that you're telling the truth that you like him. Most of all, admit that you were wrong to lie, and that if he doesn't trust you now, that you understand that. Explain your reasons, but don't try to justify it or get defensive about it. Ask him to forgive you, but don't expect it to be immediate.

    He'll be hurt, but he should appreciate your honesty and the fact that you understand the consequences of the lie. If he doesn't, he might need time. And if the relationship falls apart, just know that continuing the lie would have been postponing the inevitable. He'll find out sooner or later.

    You're fourteen. Unless you date him for five more years and then marry him young, he's not the One anyway. So you'll feel bad and sad but you have time more than anything.

    (Okay, that said, what were you doing on a dating site at 14? And how can you be "serious" at 14? Kids these days, geez. Enjoy being a young teenager, and let the relationship stuff come as it comes. Dating sites... well...)

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    • Thank you, I'll take your advice.

      It really wasn't a dating site, it was like a site for teens to meet and make friends or whatever. I honestly signed up to make friends (I know, stupid shouldn't trust some people off the Internet for some people can be perverts pretending to be someone they are not) but I ended up meeting him. I don't know if I should call it serious, but you are right I should enjoy being a teenager. I'm just hardheaded and I know I am. But that's what the social world does to you. But anyways, much appreciated on your advice, thanks again.

    • I'm glad you found it good advice. And I'm glad teens your age aren't using dating sites (which would be weird and kinda desperate)! But yeah, relax, be a teenager, and have an awesome life. Remember that social worlds come and go, and that friends are often there for just a time. As are high school boyfriends. Try not to get pressured into anything you'll regret, ever. Even if that is just getting into dating before you are ready. Good luck, and I hope it goes well for you.

    • Most teenagers my age, but you'd be surprised. It makes a lot of older men look like perverts and some teens have the right set of mind (like myself) not to do that.
      But like you very very much! And no way would I ever let anyone pressure me into something I never wanted to do. Take care though! And have a lovely whatever time of the day it is where you are! (:

What Guys Said 3

  • You can tell the truth by your mouth 👄 LOL 😁 tell him the truth n he'll just laugh n say no problem cutie if he loves you...😶?

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    • Yeah uh that's kinda hard for me to do, I can't just come out and say ''oh hey uh I totally lied about my age'' plus the only communication we have is Oovoo (which we rarely do because of his family not knowing of me/his fathers side is racist) and Kik since he doesn't have a phone he uses his tab, kinda hard to do. But thanks.

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    • Not a problem.

  • Tell him you lied about your age, and that you're 14, not 15. Shame on you for lying in the first place.

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    • It happens, people lie. You cannot say that you have never lied to someone.

      But thank you.

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    • Okie dokes, thanks again.

    • You're welcome.

  • How long until your birthday? (Does he know when it is?)

    I guess just tell when you're alone talking quietly somewhere, he might not be too pleased, and I'm not sure if there's a way to make it sound better. Just tell him that you wouldn't have thought he'd want you if you'd told him up front, but that you wish you hadn't lied to him, and hope he can look past it. Anyway, good luck, hopefully he's alright with it.

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    • It's in October, and yes he know's just not my birth year.

      Because of the distance I'd pretty much have to wait to tell him, the only way to tell him would be video chatting and kik.. But thank you I'll try my best.

    • Oh, maybe tell through a video chat then, I think the longer you wait to tell him the more annoyed he might be by it. (Though I guess the more attached he feels to you the more likely he would be to forgive it...) Anyway I hope it works out for you.

    • Yeah, well thank you again. I really appreciate it.

What Girls Said 3

  • There isn't that big of an age difference, just tell him and be come tell honest with him. But don't get mad at what he decides about this situation after all you did lie to him, first thing that's going to pop into his head is "what else has she lied to me about" but be completely honest with, your 14 you've got plenty of time to find someone and you don't need to lie about your age, to find the right one he'd accept your age. Again your only 14.

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    • Yeah I know, but you'd be surprised a guy I used to like rejected me because I'm 14 and he's 15 he said I was too young. But anyways thank you.

  • How old is he?

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    • Currently 16.

    • Okay! Whew! So not as bad as it could be! You need to tell him the truth and you need to not lie like that again in the future. It's dangerous for you and unfair to him. You are a special and unique person whether you're in a relationship or not. Don't be in such a rush to pass so much of yourself along.

      Tell him you're honestly sad and disappointed in yourself and you didn't mean to lie or hurt him. Gp from there.

    • Thank you so much, I'll try my best. Hopefully he understands.

  • The sooner you come clean and tell him the better. (At 14 in my opinion I believe that y ou are a little young to be getting major serious with a guy, that's just my opinion though).

    The fact is that you did lie to him, he is going to have doubts whether you've been truthful in other areas too. If you've lied about anything else to him, he's going to walk away because he will feel he cannot trust you. Sorry.

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    • Alrighty, I haven't lied about anything else, but it isn't like really serious but I know I have feelings for him. But thank you.

    • No, it is really serious. Sometime in the future you will probably find "the one" you will want him to be honest with you to a fault he will expect the same. The patterns that you set right now as part of a relationship will become habit. Honesty with a S. O. is one of the best habits you can have.

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