I don't know what to do! Trouble in paradise, started see a nice guy then ran into my ex. Can someone give me some help?

So I met this guy via fb. He's older than me and has 4 kids. He's a total gentleman. We started talking for a couple of months then he came home (he works off). We met and things really clicked, well he lives close to my ex, who I hadn't spoke to in a yr. We broke up and that was our last words. Well I was leaving "Bills" house going home and ran into my ex, we stopped and talked. It was like we never missed a beat, even though it had been a yr. We decided to ride around and catch up.. well Bill left to go back to work and though I liked him and we seemed to click, we'd only seen each other about 4 times. Anyways since then... me and my ex have been seeing each other. Things are so easy with him, and I'm comfortable, it feels like home. (We were together for 2 yesrs, got preg, miscarried, he screwed around, I got fed up and left.) My problem is, even though I told my ex I can't do it, relationship all that junk, we still see each other, I tried to call it off a wk ago and it broke my heart and cried and we're not even together. Wtf. Anyways l would really like to see where things with me and bill would go. Yet, I feel it's nowhere bc he's always gone, I'm always worked and he got "snipped" and I want kids, at least one, one day. My ex is bad for me, bc, even though he doesn't do it on purpose, and it's not really his fault, he makes me get distracted from my priorities. He always gets to be #1. I dk why it's like that, never been that way b4. I'm scared to call it off and miss out on a second chance bc I can see he realized what he lost, and that he'd be a better man to me, not that he was all that bad, but cheated, emotionally or physically is bs. Any ways.. help please. I'm so confused. Note I am 23 and in college. Ex is 29 and Bill is 34.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're in no way ready to be in any other serious relationship. You're still not over your EX. Better let Bill down easy before he gets hurt.
    You're not confused, you just still have feelings for your EX that didn't seem to treat you that great in the past. Seems you need your EX to hurt you more before you realize people don't really ever change especially at his age. I hope im wrong, good luck.

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    • I'm not, but I want to let someone in. And I think it's possible to care and love someone (not be in love) and leave them. And move on with your life and relationship. That's what I did. But seeing him, and still being single, I got side tracked. I save him but he kill me. Honestly never see the difference in a man like when he has me by his side and when he's single and after 2 years of seeing that and hearing him say it I still feel like it my job to save him and keep him on the path... deft NOT my job. But that's what the deal is. Its not undying love.
      BILL is fine. We've discussed what we want, are looking for, and where we both are at the moment. But considering we've only seen each other 4 times, we haven't really got to know each other. This is in a 3 month period. My only problem with him is, like I said if we did hit it off... I want a kids one day. I think it's best I move on away from them both. One is the past the other, clearly isn't what I'm looking for, wanting kids all.

    • Ill agree with you, the four kids is kinda rough. I mean no that many guys are willing to go for the 5th one. Especially at his age.

What Guys Said 4

  • If your ex is bad for you then you know the answer. Just because your new bf has 4 kids doesn't mean he's completely against having another. Although if you've only gone out 4 times then it might be a little early to talk about you getting pregnant. But yeah you need to move on from the old guy. You're letting nostalgia of what once was cloud your judgement. If he screwed around once he can easily do it again.

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    • Lol I don't want kids now. But it is an issue because he has had a vasectomy. When we first started talking, we discussed why we're single, he mentioned being gone a lot being an issue, and women wanting kids and he can't have anymore bc he got snipped.. which he didn't say he didn't want them but having a V pretty much speaks for itself.

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    • Thank you. And I know I should, but it's hard to leave what's familiar. But I agree.

    • It'll be tough. You might feel like complete crap for a couple of days but you know it has to be done.

  • First, forget your ex. He cheated on you when you were pregnant with his child. He may be fun but he won't stick around when there's work to do. You want children but he's not even close to mature enough to be a good father. If you have a child with him you will probably end up a single mother.

    Finish college and meet a nice guy who has no kids and is crazy about you.

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    • No he was nice enough to do it before I knew I was preg. And then after I misscarried. He would have stuck around, but he would have been doing that same shit.

  • ex for a reason. It didn't work... unless you mistreated him. Otherwise they both sound like bad news.

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    • Sorry ill retype that lol. He was an ex for a reason. I don't think its entirely fair on a man with a family and a job, to have to deal with a younger girl who doesn't know what she wants. If still want to see your ex, you most likely won't have a very strong relationship with Bill. Perhaps you should take some time to consider if Bill is just lust or if you think you can take care of him and his children.
      Your ex sounds like your run to comfort zone but you don't truly care for him. You are just searching for the right man but you want him to magically appear in front of you. Just take your time and don't play games most importantly.

    • I agree, and Bill and I have discussed things, what we want.. relationship wise. We know where we both stand. The whole thing with my ex just came out of nowhere. It threw me off. And he is my security blanket. Thanks. Thinking I should just leave the dating scene, granted I've only been on 4 dates in the past year.

  • Your profile says you are 26. either way, you should finish school - seems like this whole thing makes you get distracted from your priorities, which ought to be school. You can hang out with.. what's his name, but he's working off And he has a family already - don't you see the power struggle here?

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    • I'm focused on school. I work full time and am a full time student beginning my masters in the fall. What power struggle?

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you need to wait honestly. There are plenty of guys out there to just focus on just 2 who aren't even in the same age range as you. I would focus on myself before trying to settle down.

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    • I agree, and I've focused on myself, the past year I've been completely single and have done awesomw. I'm beginning my masters in the fall. Most guys can't deal bc I'm busy all the time, but bill seems to hang around. My ex was the only one who could distract me from it all, not intentionally but it happens. Working in my masters, I won't have time for that.

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