A girl I had a date with just told me she's bogged down and doesn't wanna pursue dating atm, what should I say back?

So this girl I had a date with 2 weeks ago now off okcupid just told me she's bogged down and doesn't wanna pursue dating. What do I say back?

Now she has been busy with work and finals as of late but the frustrating thing is we hit it off really well, had a lot in common and we've talked about meeting up again but now I get this message and I don't know what caused her to pull a 180 all of a sudden.

The thing is I've been having this issue going on for the past few years and I don't know what my issue is. Without blaming women entirely or myself, it's like I'll have 1-4 dates with these women I've met off sites and then I'll never hear from them again without an explanation. I feel that if I ask them about why they're not texting me, responding, etc then I'll come off as needy and insecure. But at the same time if I don't ask then I'll make the same mistake again, whatever it is. Most of these women I've met have just resulted in a hookup or fling at most and it gets old after awhile. Hookups and flings are only fun while they last. It's also not my goal to get with as many women as possible, it just ends up that way.

While I'm not desperate for a relationship, meaning I won't just date anybody, it is what I want eventually and it seems like with all the women I've met over the years from the sites, it ends before it really starts.

It kinda scares me because it makes me feel like I'm undateable and the older I get without having been in a relationship, the more of a turnoff it is. I feel like it has the same stigma if telling a girl I'm a virgin even though I'm not a virgin.

I try to keep my options open and multi date and it still ends up that way where they flake before it really starts.

I'm starting to think dating sites are jokes but I use them because i have a hard time meeting women elsewhere. And when I tell people about this, they're like oh there's other girls.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The girl who says she's bogged down and so busy she'll be inside her apartment for years until she sees the light of day all the while continuing her profile on OkCupid is nicely telling you she's not interested.

    It's a numbers game, my friend. You'll probably go through several women before you end up in a relationship with one, and that's okay. The first thing you have to do is don't take anything personal. It doesn't matter why a girl doesn't like you or likes someone else or says they're too busy. Okay then, they're out and you're onto the next.

    I would also not ask someone why they don't text, because they'll typically lie if they respond at all. Sure it hurts to be rejected, but with online dating, you're among many other suitors, and she's juggling men just as you are other women vying for your attention. Also, asking why comes off as needy, so I'd urge you, after you follow up after a date to wait and hear from her or simply let it go and move on.

    Dating sites are not jokes, but they can become irritating and frustrating. But, you can also meet some really nice people on there, and if you "give up" altogether, you're depriving yourself of possibly meeting someone special.

    You said you're not needy for a girlfriend, so don't be. Be patient and take it or leave it with these girls. You'll know when the two of you connect, so just enjoy the ride.

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    • I'm aware it's a numbers game, but at the same time I've met over 30+ women on those sites and even the girls I've met traditionally have been the same and this has been going in for over 4 years ever since I started having luck with women. Wouldn't that raise a red flag to someone?

      Also rejection isn't the issue, but being led on is. My closest thing to having a relationship, I ended up being rebounded which really fucked things up.

      I'm not giving up on dating by any means but it's an ongoing issue. I mean if you kept on dating and had the same thing happen with 20 girls in a row, wouldn't you be concerned?

      It's like I don't know if I have some personality flaw that scares them off or something I said they disliked. I don't go into dating these women thinking how long will it last or is she really interested. I just play it by ear and this still happens.

      Now that being said, there have been girls into me that I didn't like back. I'm not just gonna date someone just for the

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    • What I meant by changing my approach was changing about how I go about things, not who I am. And yeah there's a lot of disingenuous people on dating sites whether it's people just looking for attention, on the rebound, etc but it comes with the territory.

      There's a girl I had 2 dates with last week who wants to meet up again. I'm not even sure I like her emotionally yet but I'm not opposed to seeing her again. So yeah I don't always go into the I need a relationship mentality with every girl I meet off there right off the bat even though that's what I want in the long run if that makes any sense. In fact there was a different girl I had a date with 2 weeks ago that I felt wasn't a good match because she couldn't hold a conversation despite wanting to date me and she used misleading pictures which I was turned off by.

      Have you had luck from eharmony though?

    • I met and married my wife on eHarmony. We met 4 years ago and will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary in May, and I'm still very much in love with her.

      I had met people on eHarmony before and had some fairly good relationships and had some that didn't quite work out too well, but I took it for what it was and understood that being compatible on paper didn't necessarily mean it was going to work out. In the case of my wife and I, it worked great for us, but I did go through a few before I met her.

      I do like the fact people have to take time to answer questions about themselves, because too many times we focus only on finding the other person instead of understanding who you truly are. Seems silly, but it's true. You'll still meet your flakes on there, but overall, I think the experience is good.

What Girls Said 1

  • Nothing. Just find someone else.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Honestly, you need to find someone else. I think she was just using that as an excuse, because she wanted to let you down easy. If she "wasnt pursuing dating atm", i don't think she would he on okCupid in the first place...

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  • Well she gave it a try, time to move on

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    • Yes, but again this happens so often. It's like my life story.

    • Ah, yeah, sorry dude. It's like finding jobs. Eventually, you'll get one

    • True. I also see parallels to online dating with my sales job how they're both numbers games in how you can't sell/please every person/girl.

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