Online dating site profiles; a guys experience/perspective and question?

I've been single by choice for more than three years, read recovery period to get over my ex. Recently I've decided to make an attempt to re-enter the dating scene but, from a safe distance (for friends first) and hence, online dating.

My observation/question/concern is this: I've noticed that at least 50-60% of the women on both sites that I belong to 'seem' to make deliberate attempts to either hide, mislead, or falsify their physical descriptions. Although I realize that no site is going to be able to provide a comprehensive/fully exhaustive list of every single persons exact build, many women still seem to fail to accurately describe or even assimilate with the 'correct or relative' descriptors and post misleading photos by taking strangely angled selfies from above, hidden behind a large group of their peers, or tightly cropped close ups).

Does anyone have any insight as to why so many people do this? Do they genuinely think they will never be discovered? Or could it be they genuinely do not realize that there is a difference between fit/average, curvy/overweight, a few extra pounds/curvy, etc


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm only familiar with eHarmony. I used that service in 2005-2006. I have experienced both sides of your issue here. I saw concealment and I saw disclosure.

    The most glaring example of concealment was one woman who used a picture form Glamour Shots to use as her only profile photo. That first date did not go well and was not repeated.

    I did find that I had much more disclosure than concealment. One woman offered to email me full frontal and full profile pictures (fully clothed) on a what you see is what you get policy. Most women had profile pictures that were nice but not heavily doctored.

    I did find a woman to marry on that site. We will have been married for 9 years this June. One thing that immediately impressed me in her profile was her honesty. She came right out and said she was a BBW. Now it happens that I am a bit of a chubby chaser so her disclosed size was a good thing. Talking to her later, she had a rather sensible attitude about the whole thing. She said, "It's not like you were never going to find out."

    The thing is, just about every woman has someone that wants them for who they are.
    Let's say that my future wife not said she was a BWW, she may have had other dates and she may have missed being matched with me. Her honesty led to success for both of us.

    Part of the problem is that women of all sizes and body types want to be desired for more than just their bodies. They let that desire cloud their thinking. It simply does not compute for (many of) them that accurate self description is actually a moral test. Truth wins, manipulation fails.

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What Girls Said 1

  • @gray_sailor

    Please share your xperience.

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    • I'm not sure I understand your statement. I was pretty descriptive in my initial post/question.

    • The tagging feature gives the other account a notification so they can load the question.

    • She is my wife. She saw the question and mentioned my username so as to get my attention. (She is out of town and I am at work so sometimes we talk to each other through GaG.) Her words were actually directed at me.

What Guys Said 6

  • They TOTALLY know the difference between body types dude, that's why they manipulate their images!

    They do it because they wan't a date. A lot of people on the sites are shallow so the women need to present themselves in the most favorable way possible, it's only natural, right? Guys do the same thing.

    But yes, it is misleading and it is a waste of our time. The sad thing is that if you have to manipulate your image to get a date then maybe the person biting on that hook is not the kind of person you want to date, after all, right? So many people simply do not understand this.

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    • Well there's a fine line between looking your best and using flat out misleading pictures.

    • I feel like meeting someone who uses misleading pictures and then you aren't attracted in person is like getting an interview that seems promising and then once you get to the face to face interview, you find out it's a pyramid scheme/scam and the job sucks.

      Bottom line is, if they lied about their appearance then what else did they lie about? Same with the job.

  • I think you might even be generous with the 50-60% number. There are very very few "normal" sized women.

    I always just assumed they think that if they could mislead you long enough to get a date that their other qualities will win you over. If worse comes to worst, they can throw themselves at most guys and get at least another date out of them if they want one. Guys are always saying that a pretty face matters most, and by golly, featuring their face and hiding the rest with clever camera tricks actually does work to get your attention doesn't it? Perhaps it's an adaptive survival trait.

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    • Agreed. The sad thing is instead of trying to change their situation, most would rather remain in denial, hide, or intentionality mislead you thereby exacerbating the real issue.

    • And on top of it, guilt you for not liking them.

      I know there's girls who think im hot and ones who think im ugly as fuck. No point in misleading anyone because if they're responding to me in the first place, I at least know there's some physical attraction and don't have to worry about that aspect when meeting them.

  • I have used multiple sites, primarily free ones so I'll share some experiences.

    What you're being smart about is the fact that girls hide their weight. It's a very real issue for guys. The girls on the site struggle in this area with guys lying about their height mostly, and sometimes other things like their age.

    I have had the issue of meeting multiple women who were fatter than what they gave the impression of online. Some I suspect may even have used outdated photos. So your suspicions are going to be correct when you see girls who have "face only" photos or those selfies where the camera is pointed high up at a downward angle. If she cannot post a full length photo she is probably overweight.

    If you're gonna give it a chance, just make sure you're only agreeing to a short meet with an easy exit, like a "pre-screening" so to say. Coffee works fine. Some guys will hide in the car to see the girl walking in and stand them up but I do feel that is mean.

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    • Some guys will hide in the car to see the girl walking in and stand them up but I do feel that is mean.

      The other day I had a girl who misled me saying her weight is average but ended up being short and very obese in person. Didn't stand her up but i ended the date quick. It felt awkward because I was stuck between the balance of not being mean to her but not leading her on at the same time. I just knew from the get go when I met her in person that it wasn't going anywhere.

  • They have self confidence/insecurity issues.
    Apart from that, I have no advice because really you never know what is going on inside somebody's head space

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  • I agree. Been a total waste of my time

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  • Because they'll never get fucked, so they might as well try to deceive the guy and hope that it'll magically work out.

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    • Sad thing is, I think you may be onto something. Instead of trying to correct the problem, they genuinely think it will 'magically' work out and you will simply over look that extra 75lbs they 'forgot' to mention. That or they will call you a shallow, judgmental, piece of crap for not finding them attractive. Ultimately it was all my fault that they are overweight from the get go.

    • People who mislead others with their appearance, whether it's their weight, height, etc are mainly doing themselves a disservice. How do they know who will like them for who they are if they're just using misleading pictures?

      "That or they will call you a shallow, judgmental, piece of crap for not finding them attractive. Ultimately it was all my fault that they are overweight from the get go."

      I fucking hate that shit. That'd be like me telling a girl I'm buff or a bodybuilder when Im actually skinny then calling her a shallow bitch when she's turned off in person.

    • The only time a person would be in the wrong is if a person agrees to a date with someone who is honest about being overweight and then the person complains their date is overweight when meeting them in person.

      I once had a girl freak out that I was 24 when I met her in person and she was 27 when I had my age listed out in the open in my profile. It's not my fault she didn't read or pay attention to my profile.

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