Is it normal to only take what's offered/ not chase hot girls?

Okay so I'm an introspective person and I've hit a point where the narrative I tell myself about my thought process is starting to seem like a cover for whats really happening. Help me out.

I used to be an ugly dude, now I'm quite handsome and I work out. My taste in girls has not changed much though. I've always been attracted to nerdy girls for a ton of personality reasons.

I thought this was just me not being a dick and realizing that my type is just an alt looking girl. The problem is, when I look back, I've only had crushes or had sex with girls who had crushes on me. In fact I've never successfully attracted a specific girl of my own volition. I've never pointed out one and then made her love me. Now a lot of people say you just have to see if she's interested and if not go away... but on the same token there are was to get a girl interested in you when you first meet. The girls I've had sex with... only 3, have literally thrown themselves at me. Not saying I've had sex with every girl who was interested but, I've never gone up to a woman and made something happen myself. Now I realize that when I look around I classify women weirdly, there's a level of attractive where I say damn she's so hot... and without being scared or anything i kind of dismiss her as being "too hot to waste all that effort on". basically i recognize that whatever type of person she is, god or bad, she's so used to guys hitting on her that it will take forever either way. the girls im interested in are more hidden gems, hot librarians, the girl with the nice ass that just wears sweats and glasses, the girl with the awesome rack who wears turtle necks. It's funny because low self esteem is still a turnoff to me but still...

Am I just lazy? Am I just going for low hanging fruit? Has my past conditioned me to write off hot girls who I secretly don't think I can get? Am I settling? Am I being irrational in assuming that more attractive girls will have way higher expectations for me and far fewer of themselves?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nothing wrong with your way of thinking. It's exactly thge same with me as well. SInce I'm average looking (or perhaps below aevrage), I don't really go for 'hot' women because they's be way above my league abnd reject me anyway, or they'll already be taken. And also, they usually have exceedingly high requirements. Not worth the time, efforts or energy, according to me.

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    • Not saying you can't get hot girls, but the time and effort required to get a 'yes' from such girls is usually not worth it, especially since they can turn you down even after an year or so of pursuing. Too much drama.

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    • May not be as smooth about it, though.

    • @sjoes006
      A 'hot' girl showing the signs you said, is an extremely unlikely scenario in my case. But if that does happen, due to some miracle, then I would be open about it and would obviously make an attempt.

What Girls Said 3

  • You don't like to chase, which is normal. That doesn't mean you can't approach pretty girls. That shows a lack of confidence on your part.

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    • I approach pretty girls all the time, but never as pretty girls. I just treat them like people. I'm not too afraid to do that, I even have great conversations with some but then again, I never go for a number or approach as a potential dating prospect. It's always ow pressure "lets just talk about interesting stuff" vibes. Guess I don't like to just put myself out there until can gauge what type of person they are. The girls I usually like, the alt girls are usually more revealing about themselves, less on guard and I can get a better read on them. They also seem to try, you know put in actual effort. I guess I don't know how to talk with a hot girl who's on guard and get her to lower that guard so I don't really try for it. Most hot girls do have this barrier too, it's just an air of detachment from you, like they don't mind talking to you but you won't make their daily mental recap when they go to bed lol

  • Go for any girl you think is attractive, that you genuinely like. Otherwise, you may never find that special someone

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  • Nah, nothing wrong with you. I'm the same way - I just strongly feel that one should always let things fall into place, at least when it comes to love.

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    • Yea... but you see, I'm a guy. You don't have to initiate, men will find you cause most aren't like me, women won't find me because most women are like you.

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    • Yea, that's what I thought... but a year long dry spell says otherwise lol. Then again. it's my first year out of college and i'm not quite set up yet so...

    • Thinking I should be more aggressive and try a bit harder to get past that defense these ladies put up. Post grad, even the alt girls have this barrier. There's no "we go to the same school" familiarity anymore

What Guys Said 1

  • You used to be ugly but now you are hot?
    No offense but you can't change your facial structure suddenly.

    If you are born ugly you stay ugly unless you get plastic surgery.

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    • I was 100 lbs over weight, my face was super chubby, my hair was at an odd length), I went through late puberty... like 17 to 18. Man boobs went away and underneath all that facial pudge was a strong jawline. Worked out to the point that i'm one of the stronger guys I know. I've always been tall so that works. Also on top of being unattractive I was one of few black kids... nerdy fat black kid. NowI'm more of the "right" type of black guy lol

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