At what age do men start to find a woman with all 3 - beauty/brains/morals - to be attractive instead of intimidating?

I know that I have all of these things, not just in my opinion, but have been told by many other people. I've also had terrible luck with dating. I'm wondering if my age and the guys in my age group not being ready to be with a woman with such qualities could be one of the big problems causing this struggle for me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • They're intimidating because they are attractive. Then truth is most men are put off by the idea of possibly having to compete with other men to get a woman, so they lower their standards somewhat to avoid having to deal with this hassle. This is what men really mean when they say intimidating. It's not that the girl herself is intimidating, rather there's simply nothing she could possibly have to offer to make the prospect of having to compete for her seem worth the stress and effort.

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    • So what can I do to help deal with that problem?

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    • Basically, try to get him comfortable with you as though there were no competition.

    • @WeaponZero

      Absolutely spot on.

What Guys Said 10

  • to be frank, brains in this country tends to come off as arrogance, to those without them. And arrogance isn't intimidating so much as annoying.

    I would suggest moving to a college town, if you can.

    But, if not, it's still not unheard of. I can imagine myself meeting a smart attractive woman. This is how my thought process would go:
    1) She's likely taken
    2) If she's not taken, she likely has no interest sex.
    3. a) If she is not interested in sex, then we aren't going to get along.
    3. b) If she is interested in sex, then it's not with me because she is smart enough to know she only has to ask.
    4. a) If she doesn't know she only has to ask, then she isn't as smart as she thinks she is, so we aren't going to get along.
    4. b) If she doesn't want sex with me then she doesn't find me attractive, so there is no sense entertaining the idea.

    I would draw your attention to 3. b. Try being a bit more forward, perhaps?

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    • I'm not only looking for sex, though. I'm trying to start a relationship then have sex within that kind of context.

    • In that case, a more appropriate question might be "At what age to guys start wanting relationships that lead to sex, instead of sex that leads to a relationship?"

      And that answer varies wildly. I would say most guys make this transition around the age of 27 or so. However, some guys are actually 'raised backwards,' and start out wanting a relationship that leads to sex, but end up wanting sex that leads to a relationship. This transition tends to occur at about 20. So you're right in the middle of that double-screwed age range. Sorry...

    • Thanks... I figured something similar to what you said. I've tried dating guys from 21 to 30... I haven't gotten anyone worth my time yet.

  • What does 'morals' mean in this context?

    If it means you don't cheat on guys, that's just sort of a basic expectation.

    If it means you don't do anything sexual for a long time, that's not very popular with most guys.

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    • I don't sleep around. I'm 23 and still a virgin... not because I'm not interested in sex, but because I want to wait for the right person to have that experience with (not necessarily marriage). Ideally I'd like to start a relationship or at least really care someone who has the same feelings, then have sex in that kind of context. I just want it to be under circumstances I wouldn't regret later.

  • That's not an age thing.

    If a guy finds a girl with those attributes threatening, he'll probably do so at any age.

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  • you have all 3, now you just need to click with a guy and poof! you're solid.

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    • I've clicked with some guys, it just never lasts. Either they don't want something as serious, or they lose interest and just cut contact, or they aren't willing to put in any effort. It's frustrating!

    • after a streak that does sound frustrating lol. just keep trying though. that's what im doing.

  • Love the confidence. Love it. Definitely don't change that.

    Age 23 sounds about right! Sounds like you've truly just had some bad luck.

    Are you meeting tons of people? like EVERYONE, friends of friends, church/volunteer/work groups of friends, at the gym, etc.

    After college, meeting and dating isn't always easy because everyone is so busy so they have to be very selective with their free time.

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    • I haven't met tons. In college, I had my head in the books, so I tried the online dating thing. I found several on there who I clicked with, but the few I met in person I didn't click with, and others didn't live close to me and cut contact or lost interest for some other reason... basically played games with me when they didn't know what they wanted or how much effort they were truly willing to put in. Most of my friends' friends are married or in relationships already, but maybe asking around for people of other groups they're in will help. I would have pursued more during my summer internship, but all the employees at that place were women. I just can't think of good places to go to meet people. I want to avoid bars at all costs... maybe I'm just in a bad area for dating?

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    • Nice, that should be a good area. I haven't been there in forever, but I think you'll find a lot of guys to potentially date between all the students at UNO, Creighton, UNMC, etc.

    • I surely hope so. :)

  • There's one other critical item... Maturity. So, 25 at least.

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  • I've been looking all my life for someone like you... honestly, women like you are very hard to find. You are exactly my type, but there's only like 0.01% of women like that. I'm guessing it's probably even worse percentage for men

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  • Sounds like you should date guys who are slightly older with a better idea of what they seek in a long term partner. Guys in their early 20's are still figuring it out.

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  • hmmm don't know maybe never
    and please have more confidence girl

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  • When they actually have the money to attract such a woman

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What Girls Said 2

  • I know how you feel, when I was younger I went out a lot with guys my own age and I was never interested in guys my age (early 20s then) because it seemed like I had nothing in common with any of them and they were a little intimidated that I was more mature and had my own things at that age. I started going out with guys older then me, maybe you could try that?

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    • I've done that too... the ones I've gone out with or talked to didn't go anywhere... they either wanted more committment than I did or didn't know what they wanted and led me on... but with the second thing all the guys have done that.

  • When u find a guy on your level. I'm sure guys who have all three would love that in a woman

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