Guys, Men, what are your thoughts on these rules?

There are so many rules floating about on what to do while pursuing a relationship. Some of the reoccurring ones are:
- Let the guy chase you
- Do not initiate contact for at least the first three months
- Do not show that you’re interested right off the bat
- Do not respond right away
- Do not be too available
I almost feel sorry for the guys - that is a lot of pressure and mind games to work around. But I also feel sorry for the women - on the one hand we are told to take charge and pave our own path but then we have all these rules that contradict what we are taught to pursue in every other aspect of our lives. Apart from the psychological toll, there is the fact that all these rules place undue pressure on an already hard situation. I think relationships (whether it be a friendship or a life partnership) is hard enough to formulate, but when we add all these mind games to the mix it makes it so much more difficult. We get so busy thinking about all these rules and worrying about not looking “needy or desperate” that we fail to focus on actually building the relationship. When the relationship doesn't work out we are then quick to place the blame on the guy or the situation and never take onus for our own inactions. IF women were to ignore these rules and go after what they wanted, would it make them desperate?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Following these rules will help you to meet a guy..
    Guy who is playing exactly the same perverted, sick mind games. Guy who is into honesty will take your feigned disinterest at it's face value and move on. Why would anybody waste time and energy on anyone who is not interested or is stupid enough to pretend so?

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What Guys Said 17

  • The first and last are a little ambiguous.

    The second and third, without question, I'd move on fast. Probably true on the other three as well.

    I am not interested in trying to convince a woman to be interested enough in me to date me. If she's not excited about the idea, I don't want to be with her, even if I -can- convince her.

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  • I like #1. #2 is fucking retarded, 3 months seriously? 3# is totally understandable in most situations. #4 is on par with 3# depending on the circumstances. #5 is actually on par with #3 and #4 depending on the circumstances.

    its not only guys though so don't worry. girls think about this shit too.

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    • So you agree that girls and guys alike should follow some of the rules stated?

    • I don't think anyone should follow any rules or set guidelines. people should just do what they want. but when there are a lot of people who actually take these guidelines seriously, you almost have no choice but to play the game or simply move on to the next person of interest.

  • You can't be serious. Are you actually 30 and taking notice of this bullshit?
    It sounds like a game of playing "hard to get" for about 3 months. I'd be playing hard to want within 2 weeks if she didn't show some serious interest in that time. In other words, I'd be gone.

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    • I am finding that most guys my age (28-31) actually seem to follow these rules. I don't I text or call when I feel like talking to them. I do not connect with them all the time and I don't think I come across as needy or desperate but I find that often the men lose interest. Its been frustrating to say the least so I did some research and found this to be the trend. I actually blogged about this and too a stance against it. I think relationships are hard enough to formulate without adding all these bullshit rules and mind games. I posted the question here to see what other men thought of these dating norms that we have to face these days.

    • sorry i meant I DO text or call when I feel like talking to a guy I am interested in.

  • Lol if a girl doesn I itiate contact after a week I move on.

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  • Well i think if i would approach a girl i would see how much i connect with her... I have no interest playing any mind games. And if sometime plays these games with me then i would move on fast... I got no time for these mind games bullshit..
    Although i think the last rule can be right... But if you really have a life besides the girl then there is automatically no needed to follow it...

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  • I feel those rules aren't meant to be strictly followed, they're like guidelines, the bigger picture is to not be so easy.

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  • These rules are for girls in high school who don't know what they want themselves. If both people look forward to seeing one another and hanging out, who the hell needs these rules?

    Uhh.. too much hollywood.

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  • They're all fuckin stupid

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  • This is so fucking stupid. Nothing more of a turn off to me than such bullshit mindgames.

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  • Screw the rules. If someone makes you happy and a better person then you should pursue them and now worry about rules.

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  • Well that's different to what I had to go through I would wait a few days before texting her so I don't seem desperate.

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  • No it wouldn't, so as long as they're religious.

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  • And we say true love doesn't exists...

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  • I agree and disagree with them. It's true that the man is expected to initiate but I think the girl should reciprocate otherwise it's just too one way.

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  • I disagree 100%

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  • - Let the guy chase you
    Yes, to an extent. Let him be the aggressor, but give him encouragement.

    - Do not initiate contact for at least the first three months
    Nah, if a girl did this, I would assume she wasn't interested in me and I'd give up on her.

    - Do not show that you’re interested right off the bat
    Terrible idea. Guys need signs of interest. The best relationships I've had were with girls who showed open and obvious interest. It was hot, and made me want to be with her more.

    - Do not respond right away
    Also terrible advice. If you blow a guy off, he'll think you're not interested.

    - Do not be too available
    Partially true. Nothing wrong with making him work a little. The girl I'm dating the most right now didn't go out with me on the first date I asked her because she was busy. So I asked for another date and got it. Now, if she had blown me off several times, I would have given up under the assumption that she really didn't like me.

    The best advice is to go for it with some caution. Let a guy know if you like him, either through eye contact or smiling or talking. Don't play hard to get. It's annoying and leads to hurt feelings.

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  • I dont who came up with these stupid rules where its the guy job to come up to the girl and let guy chase you. You might miss out on a opportunity to meet a guy especially when some one noticed some one in distance been admiring for a while but he did notice that you were interested or he thought there no way a beautiful women like that would be interested.

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