Should I meet up with this guy I met online?

I do not have much of a social life, and even less with men. I am 26. Its not that I haven't received any tokens of interest throughout the course of my life. On the contrary there are men who have sent a flirtatious glance or signal my way. But that is as far as it goes due to my quiet and reserved nature. I have a perpetual fear that if I were to date I would not be good enough. And that is also a factor. But this has been a predominant feeling for so long that I am starting to wonder if the reason on being good enough is just an excuse to avoid a relationship. I have recently met a guy online and after a short conversation he suggested that we get together, in other words, go on a date. I thought that I wanted this, to try it out, but there is a stronger feeling of fear and hesitancy. I don't think that I should force myself to do this if I don't want to. Do you? Anyways I feel there are other areas in my life which has more demands on my time and attention right now than a relationship after all. I still have much to learn and improve on. Sorry, I don't know where I want to go with this at this point. I just wanted your counsel.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wellllll...

    A couple of things come to mind. If he suggested a date after "a very short conversation online". I would question his motives. The last thing you need is someone who wants a random hookup; that will utterly destroy your already floundering self esteem.

    Is this a dating site or some other online media? I'd be more inclined to say go for it if it were a dating site.

    If you want to meet him, plan initially for a mid-day meet up at a Starbuck's or something. Safer to meet in a crowded place and mid day means you can plan an escape if you need one by claiming plans later.

    In dating, you are going to meet many different guys. Some will be good for you, others will not. I stick to my guns about one thing; if you already have a lower self esteem do NOT have sex with anyone early on. Nothing wrecks even a confident woman's mind more than when a guy sleeps with her and moves on.

    Yes, you should take a chance. Don't have really high expectations, though, just set your mind in having fun at the moment. You will have to get out there eventually, why not now? Keep your guard up and be safe.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You go to the beach, you want to go in the water but you're afraid it's cold. You force yourself to stick your toe in, then your foot, etc. until you're in the water. It's the only way to do it.

    All of us have those insecurities about whether we are good enough to command someone else's attention. Feeling that way doesn't make you a special case; it makes you just another member of the human race. Get over it.

    Everything you are telling yourself is an excuse. You are not at an age where life has passed you by, but you will arrive at that age before you realize what happened.

    So tell the guy that you are very shy but you are going to try to overcome that. If he is a decent guy, he will appreciate your honesty and work with you. Have a first meeting at a coffee shop in the middle of the day. Meet him there with the understanding that you will leave separately. I suspect that as soon as you get over your initial anxiety, you will want to see him again and have an evening, dinner and movie kind of date.

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  • Take reasonable precautions: talk to him for a while online, only meet him in a public place for an hour or two, and leave if at any point you are afraid for your safety.

    You have to decide if you even want a relationship right now or if this is something you feel you should be doing due to societal pressure. Like, if you do actually want someone in your life but were feeling nervous due to inexperience dating, I would encourage you to go for it. However, if you weren't even sure you wanted to do it, I'd suggest you figure tthat out first.

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    • I just wanted to do it for experience's sake and to see what I am missing out on. What is it like to have a relationship with another. Not so much as a need to have someone in my life. I suspect that I may have a socially avoidant personality disorder. But I can feel a bit lonely and insulated at times though I don't have a problem being by myself.

  • Since it's not a big deal to you either way, it really doesn't matter. Dates are supposed to be casual.

    If you do end up going, then you should probably perk up the indifferent attitude a bit or it's gonna be pretty lame for both of you.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Do what you want to do. But don't worry about it as if its weird, like 60% of relationships start or meet each other online nowadays (or something like that). Hell, my mother and stepdad met in 2001 on the stargate sg1 forums. Now 14 years later they are happily married.

    So if you want to go for it then go for it. If not then just let them know you dont feel comfortable yet and just talk to them a bit longer and see how it goes.

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  • Ever heard of the Craigslist killer? I'm not saying this to scare but be very careful. Some guys prey on women online, make sure where you two go is as public as possible and please drive yourself until you feel comfortable enough to ride in one car with him just incase you don't feel comfortable and want to get away.

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