Is a cheater able to change his ways?

I'm dating this guy for four months now and I had no idea he's been cheating on me for the longest time. I believed he loved me and only me and wanted to save himself for marriage like myself. He's a good actor. Never came late, spoiled me, met everybody I'm close with and most importantly he listened to me and I trusted him. So when I heard he's been cheating on me and there was proof I broke down. I still love him but I know it won't work out. He's been asking what's wrong and I can't say I know what you did and I'm leaving you. There was only one sign I was worried about it was that his friends and my friends told me he was always seen riding in a car with a girl. I asked him about it and he said she was just a friend. He didn't even seem defensive about it so I let it pass. His friend showed me a picture of them together when he said he had a weekend trip with the boys. He said they originally planned a weekend trip but then he ended up staying in a separate room with the girl. They were holding hands, kissing and he even said they had sex a lot. I asked his friend how long this has been going on and he said a year before we started talking. They were always hook ups and a low key relationship. What hurts is that I know the girl. We bumped into her at a restaurant where she works and he said she was just a close friend nothing more. I found out she's casually dating other guys but not seriously. I know its bad to stay with him but I love him. I want to try to work it out even though everybody says its not worth it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • From the way you describe it, the guy is completely narcisistic about it. He's seeing another girl who has her own flings and casual relationships. Its like he had this friend with benefits but didn't want to stop the benefits until into a committed relationship, only there is no committed relationship. Not the way he sees it. You're just a potential for being one; there was probably no DTR involved was there? You just assumed?

    Anyway, he is a narcicist at worst and a shitty communicator at best. Neither is good boyfriend material. And you know this in your own words "I know its bad to stay with him but I love him."

    Normally I counsel on the side of following love, even in questionable relationships, since I know people aren't perfect. But I think you got to say enough is enough, ya know? Deep down you know this isn't a tenable way to continue.

    It is going to hurt, but you know what you must do.

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    • We did define who we were to each other. And he asked me to be his girlfriend. I met his family and friends and he has met mine.

    • Wow, so you were both exclusive and he even met the family and decided to pull this crap?
      Sounds like a psychopath to me.

      You can read more about it at www.lovefraud.com/.../ under the heading of "Oxytocin and the psychopathic experience"

What Guys Said 6

  • Can a cheater change? Yes. Is it likely? Not even close. And since he cheats, he would never be honest about changing. Just cut your losses and move on.

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  • You're just going to get hurt further the longer the relationship lasts with him. You already know that he's been cheating on you on multiple occasion and yet you still wants to be with him no matter what. Even if you guys somehow work out your relationship, you would never be able to trust him again. In addition, he's going to keep lying to you regardless of the conditions you guys have. The sooner you get out of this relationship, the better. It's not going to be easy to move on from this because you probably invested so much time with him already, but for your own good you have to.

    I've been cheated on many times before so I can relate on how you're feeling. In the past I have tried to work things out and forgave, but eventually they ended doing the same habit and cheat again and again. No matter how much I want the relationship to work, it's not going to be because she will never remain faithful to me and that I can never trust her again afterwards.

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  • Wait, did you notice anything crazy about his frnd, did he ever try to flirt with you?

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    • No his friend has his own girlfriend.

    • Then I guess you should tell him how much you love him and give him subtle signs that you know he is cheating, if he gets tensed; he doesn't deserves a second chance and if he is all relaxed give him one second chance!

  • once a cheater always a cheater

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  • f following love, even in questionable relationships, since I know people aren't perfect. But I think you got to say enough is e

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  • No, this cheater isn't going to change his ways. Don't waste any more of your time on him. What self-respecting woman would want to stay with a guy who does that? You deserve better; it's way past time to end this broken relationship and move on.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Please don't feel bad about loving him. This guy was nice to you, said sweet things and allowed you to fall in love with him all while living a secret life.

    He was seeing some other girl and fooling around with her while with you and promising he would save himself.

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. Something similar is happening to me right now, I am very upset and can totally identify with how you feel.

    You need to take some time and just do you right now. Don't worry about making a decision about this relationship. Take some much needed YOU time.

    Invest in yourself. Buy a new bag, some clothes, wardrobe. Heck, I bought a new car. I don't care, I'm worrying about ME!

    Take some time to spend it with yourself and away from him. See how great you are. Build up the courage to leave if you feel that's what you need to do. Or figure out what you want to do. But you don't have to rush the decision. Take your time.

    in my opinion if this guy wants to change, he has to want it. There is no other way he will change. If he was lying to you, you have to think about whether you can trust him again. Trusting is the hardest part.

    I'm sorry this is happening. Take care!

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  • Don't trust him, move on. You will find someone you love more and he will cheat on you again. If it is meant to be than sometime in the future you guys will end back up together but right now the relationship is toxic and it will only hurt you more. If you end things now it will be better for you. Again if you both really love each other you will eventually end up together but right now you are looking for different things so you should split.

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  • ever heard this?
    ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER

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  • It is, but don't count on it

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  • can guy get bigger than he is?

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