Why do so many people who claim to be in-love seem so fucking miserable, especially men?

mostly when they're actually together. some when they're apart and talking about the other person seem more disturbingly obesessed than in-love...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because they are not in love. They are in lust. They are together for the wrong reason (s).

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    • hmm, maybe.

      I can't see the point in being miserrable about it though.

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    • your last line makes a lot of sense.

    • Thanks very much!

What Guys Said 6

  • There's a relatively big loss of control in being in love. Even by simply (really) trusting someone, you let go of a bit of your own control. I think we kind of do it a bit how as infants we would relate to our parents, as we trust them with emotional, psychological or physical parts of ourselves. By opening up this way, we kind of merge with other people, which makes us vulnerable.

    The problem is that men need to be in control of themselves to be happy, and they love certainty, whereas (at least some) women can absolutely love uncertainty, a bit of drama, etc.

    That's why a man would rather shut his emotions down than really deal with it. Whereas women tend to enjoy going through a vast flow of diverse emotions.

    It's a matter of being in tune with who you are and especially what you need to be happy. A man losing too much control probably won't be happy, and as you say, will probably be miserable.

    It's not a matter of what they want, but it's about what they need.

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    • a lot of men prefer controlling women. what about them?

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    • you can't be happy with just your needs though. the wants are just as important.

    • What you "want" is usually logical, or driven by external influences. What you need, is more visceral, it tends to come from your will to resolve childhood issues or to produce your subconscious idea of well-being.

      For me, happiness happens when you want exactly what you need, and you get it.

      Being "miserable" happens when you want what you DON'T need, whether you get it or not.

      The difficult part is first discovering what you truly need. Then you have to want it and choose to go for it. Miserable people tend to fail at both of those steps.

  • Do you know what love does to a man? It sucks, it really does.

    To women, love is all rainbows and sunshine. It's the best thing that could happen to you. Which is why you don't understand the effect it has on men.

    When a man falls in love, he stops liking his woman. You can't love and like your woman at the same time.

    So that misery you see is him thinking "I love this woman with all my heart. Now I wish she would just leave me the fuck alone"

    Women often confuse a man's "like" with a mans love. If he's happy to see you, happy to talk to you, enjoys your company, etc... That's not love, that's like. That phase usually has to end for him to love you.

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    • that makes no sense whatsoever.

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    • ok, I hadn't noticed your age before. that explains it..

      you too. have a nice night.

    • So typical lol

  • I think their not telling the truth and they need to admit how they really feel :-D

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  • I guess because they have devoted their lives on her/him...: -)

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  • Being in a relationship with a woman is like going from being an alley cat to a house cat. You are expected to stop doing anything and everything that makes you happy and/or are biologically programmed to want, do, and think. You are required to conform to the ideas of your now owner. If you don't, you are punished in some way.

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  • If the love's unreciprocated I could understand that leading to greater misery than not being in love. As for guys in relationships with the person they love I have no idea why they would be particularly miserable.

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What Girls Said 1

  • It's true!! I mean most men that claim to be in love do look miserable!!

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    • I'm really curious why, especially when they have the woman they want, what is there to be so sad about.

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