Do you agree it's mainly females who decide how fast a relationship develops?

a guy claimed this on his question.. I'm curious what others think.

who pushes things in YOUR own relationships?

  • agree.
    53% (9)57% (12)55% (21)Vote
  • disagree.
    47% (8)43% (9)45% (17)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it depends. In most cases I think the guy GENERALLY determins the stance of a relationship... Like when you're official, if you're serious, committed etc , and the girl control the pace of when things like sex etc happen.
    But this is a vast generalisation based on the progress of most of my relationships and those of my friends.
    Obviously, really, a relationship is two people and these progressions are really just an agreement between the two people involved.

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    • I absolutely agree with this.

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    • And if she's not ready he can't force it so there's no control though possibly friending upon the people involved she'll foster the illusion of control.

    • @azara there's definitely control in getting someone to wait.

What Guys Said 13

  • Girls generally control how fast the relationship progresses sexually. Guys generally have more control over how fast things progress emotionally.

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  • No, not really. Women are usually the gatekeepers on the speed the relationship develops physically. Men are usually the gatekeepers on the speed the relationship develops emotionally.

    Both of them require the other person being willing to wait for the gatekeeper to be ok with moving to the next level. And for a relationship to actually be a relationship, you need both parts.

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    • not really, the emotional part comes first and you can still have a relationship without being physical for a while.

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    • Obviously there will be outliers. There will be times when both people want the relationship equally. Times when one gender acts more like the generalizations of the other. But the initial question was completely vague, so we have to deal with generalizations and trends. There are no specifics to draw upon.

      And what do we see on this very site?

      Do we see more girls asking questions about "Why do all the guys I like just want fwb?"..."How can I make this guy like me?"..."Why do guys always want to get physical?"

      Or do we see girls asking questions about "Why do guys tell me they love me, but then not be willing to have sex?"..."My boyfriend is committed to me, and has been for six month now, but won't let me give him a bj?"

      This site is full of girls asking why their guys are into the physical, and not giving them the emotional in return. We do not see nearly as many guys asking those same questions. Instead we see guys asking about how to get a girl to agree to give them a bj.

    • And we can therefore make some generalizations about common behavior. We can also make those generalizations based on what testosterone levels do, and how elevated testosterone levels make a person behave. And we know which gender, in general, has more testosterone.

      I think that those generalizations are easy to understand. Yes, with any individual situation, you need to look at the particulars. Every case will be different. But as a whole, as a generalization, you can absolutely make observations about trends.

  • Most guys want to have sex sooner than their partner and we are waiting for her to say "okay; why not?" So, if we are talking about sex, he's right.

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    • I never said anything about sex.. I just meant a relationship.

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    • He goes to work and earns a living to support his family while his wife hears all the news concerning the children. He waits for her to tell him when he gets home.
      But, one day, they wait side-by-side and hand-in-hand as the doctor explains the diagnosis and the prognosis.

      In the end, neither of them are in charge.

    • ok.

      I wish we could finsh and control our orgasms the way men can. that's so not fair..

      not all women stay home. most work nowadays.

  • It varies from time to time, overall I would say men, but I've been in enough relationships to know that it isn't like a kingdom or a wolf pack were there is one person who says what goes and everybody else follows. A healthy relationship is a partnership and a friendship in addition to being a romantic relationship, you would sit down with your partner and talk about it and ultimately and hopefully come to something that would appease both parties.

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  • It could be either.

    On average it probably shifts towards being the man more as you get older. But not always.

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  • Perhaps not in every relationship, but in most the guy would be happy moving as fast as possible, and the woman usually defines any amount of pacing that is occurring.

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  • I believe it varies among both Men and Women
    on how fast a relationship develops it's hard to say:)

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  • It takes two people to be in a relationship, so it depends.

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  • I don't think so. In my relationships it has been me.

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  • No, not really. Many women complain about guys who won't commit (yet).

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    • exactly.. I was surprised he thought it's women. I think maybe that guy just isn't very good with reading women/they string him along.

  • Yeah, I think so.

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  • It depends on what part of the relationship you are talking about. Women have far more power in regards to forming a sexual relationship. So at the beginning women have a lot more power. Guys have far more power in regards to a committed relationship. So later on the power shifts as the woman decides she wants more. A lot of relationships don't get that far, so the woman's power is typically the most used.

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    • I don't know what he meant exactly..

      being commited to me is the more important part of starting a relationship.

  • I guess in general, at least historically. Girls expect guys to do the pursuing, she decides when to stop knocking back his advances, when to have sex or whatever.

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What Girls Said 5

  • It really depends on the people and I disagree with people saying women control it sexually and men emotionally bc they each want the opposite sooner than the other.

    There's a stigma to women saying they want sex and men saying they want commitment. There's no way to know who actually wants what first as long as there's a double standard in either case.

    I don't personally know anyone where the guy was waiting for sex and the woman was waiting for him to fall in love. These things seem to happen pretty evenly if you're compatible. I think if someone feels like the other oerskn is controlling any part of the relationship then most likely it's a bad relationship. You should feel in control if yourself not controlled. Now being patient bc you want the other to feel as comfortable as possible is one thing but waiting while they are holding it over your head trying to feel powerful at your expense, is entirely another. I think most people can't tell the difference which is how they come to these artificial stereotypical conclusions.

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    • I agree, but I also think most men and women follow those "rules" of waiting for each.

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    • Plus people have sex outside of relationships you can't have a relationship outside of a relationship and it's not something one person dues to another or with another it's something equally comprised of all involved.

    • lots of people have multiple relationships simultaneously...

  • I think both people have a stake in the relationship's pace. A woman might want to slow down on the sexual side but a man may stall because of feelings or commitment.

    I really don't see this as a one gender over the other sort of thing though. There's no way to possibly study or prove it because it's so subjective.

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  • My boyfriend was the one who wanted commitment almost immediately and said I love you first and I was like "WOAAAHHH" but then I was like "actually yeah ok" It was REALLY fast for me seeing as it was my first ever relationship but he was throwing all these emotions at me and he fell for me super fast which was a bit of a shock at first until I realized I for sure felt the same way.

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  • I agree because some guys want to jump to stuff but, isn't sure if the girl is so the girl gives it the okay.

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  • Not at all
    It depends about how the two people connect and their beliefs

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