Why doesn't he ever call or ask to hang out?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy about 2 months ago and started dating about a month a half ago. I have had my eye on him for about a year and when I saw him, I asked him for his number and initiated a date. I didn't want to waste any time. He has accepted all my requests to hang out, he answers when I call or text him, but he never calls me, never asks to hang out, but never seems to want to leave when we're together. He hasn't dated in a long time and I just got out of a long term relationship about 9 months back, so we're both a bit rusty at this dating thing, could that be it? He is also super busy with school, but he still never calls even if he has a break. I mean, do you think he would still hang out with me and not be interested? And do you think it's okay to ask him about a relationship or leave it up to him? I feel like I'm coming on too strong half the time and I've back off, but I want to be with him. Need advice please!

[Anonymous]

Well there is two ways you can handle this:

1) Back off, and by that I mean stop calling, texting, and asking him to hang out: either he will notice that and begin to pursue you or he will just let you go

His lack of calling you etc., could be more for many reasons: he might be seeing another girl or ex, he's insecure and doesn't like to initiate things because of fear of rejection(i'm this way!), he hasn't dated in a long time which makes him unsure how to handle things with you, or he is keeping you around and knows he doesn't have to put in the effort by calling you and such because he knws you will..

The second option:

2) Confront him casually on why he never calls you and stuff. Do not ask him about the relationship because if he is not calling you or asking you to hang out than I'm sure he is not seeing this as a relationship, so it might scare him off

I understand he is busy with school, but how busy could you possibly be not to send a text message these days. I had a guy I was dating who used to be "so busy with school", and I was in the same boat as you. I find out a few months later he was talking to his ex the whole time and enjoyed having us both in the picture at the same time. So before you jump into asking him about a relationship you need to figure out what is going on. My advice would be to do the second option first and casually bring up why he never calls you or asks you to hang out. If after that you see no difference, than go with the first option and back off. Some may say backing off is playing games but its not because there's only so far you can put yourself out there before you make yourself look like a desperate fool whos doing all the work.

*You asked if he would still hang out with you and not be interested...Yes he would. I know many guys like this, they have nothing else going on for them at the moment so they string the girl along, have someone to hang out with and hook up with, yet there not interested for an actaul relationship. See what happens after option 2 and 1..

[Asker]

I tried your advice and casually asked him why I don't ever hear from him and he said he's not a phone person and used to have a girlfriend who called him like 50 times a day, so maybe that turned him off to picking up a phone, she ruined it for me apparently. But, I guess I understand and he is a very busy guy. He actually asked if I wanted to do something this weekend, so maybe that sparked something in him, don't know but thanks for the advice!

[pinkhorse]

Oh no! he said he's not a phone person. trust me, something's up. trust me as a feamle player, I can spot misdemeanor from a mile away. I usually tells guys I'm not a phone conversation because I had a bug-a-boo ex. That's always my line. I'm telling you now... tread carefully with this dude, something's not right.

[pinkhorse]

firstly, whatever you do, DO NOT ask him about a relationship please! as things progress, things will lead to that on their own. it's only been a few months, keep it casual. act casual. act nonchalent.

you've done enough. dating is like chess. you've made enough moves. it's time for him to make a move too. don't initiate anything until he does. he obviously enjoys your company and as long as you're not a bug-a-boo, he will respond to your calls and texts. don't act clingy. don't over-analyse things. have a nonchalent attitude as well.

speak to him face to face about it but don't be accusive, just be like "hey, I've just realsied something... you've never rang me. why is that?" if he doesn't initiate anything after that then let it go and accept it. think about it, we are always told to "start as we mean to go on". so if this is what he is like now, then expect to always be the one to initiate and that can get tiresome! good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice, helped a lot! I probably was over analyzing things, you're right though, I should just let things take their course on their on.