Screwed things up with a text - how can I fix this?

So we have a pretty casual relationship; more of a friends with benefits situation. We've both made it clear that neither of us wants a relationship with anyone at all. But we've not really had the dtr chat. He's been constantly asking me if I'm seeing other guys and we only hangout at my place. So last night (after a couple of drinks) I asked text him saying I had 2 questions. He replied saying what. So I said "why only my place. And other people - yes or no". I've not heard from him since last night. How can I fix this? For me it was more of a seeing what I can and can't do, Rather than attempting to tell him I want more. How can I fix it?


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What Guys Said 1

  • This raises TWO of my pet peeves about how younger people conduct relationships. First, let's deal with this friends with benefits thing.

    I have not had a friends with benefits relationship and I doubt I ever will. It is hard for me to imagine having sex with someone and not having any feelings. I understand having sex without being in love but I've never had sex with any lady if I didn't feel some affection and physical attraction.

    My concern about the friends with benefits phenomena is a much larger concern. Young people have developed a culture in which they are all scared to openly admit their feelings for someone else because - God forbid! - they might get rejected. They're not dating; they're just CHILLIN'! Now they're dating but IT'S NOT OFFICIAL! Official? What the hell do you do, go the courthouse and register yourself as a dating couple? Get a dating license? You begin and end relationships by texting so that you don't need to deal with the other person and the possibility of rejection or the agony of ending a relationship. So why don't you just go the to hospital and have a feelingectomy?

    I hear way too many things about these friends with benefits relationships where one falls in love (what a fucking surprise!) and the other one doesn't and this isn't fair! Most of you younger people are looking for a relationship. ADMIT IT!

    You want a relationship but you don't want to admit that you're motivated by any feelings. So if you just wanna get laid, why don't you go do the friends with benefits thing with somebody who's butt ugly? You won't know the difference when the lights are out!

    No, it's always with somebody who has relationship potential. You just don't want to admit it. This shit has all the insight and maturity of a 13 year old boy wanting to have a tickle fight with his cute next door neighbor.

    ADMIT THAT YOU REALLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP!

    On to the second pet peeve: texting.

    TO BE CONTINUED

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    • Real communications requires face-to-face conversation. You see each other's facial expressions, you hear your partner's tone of voice, if you sense a potential misunderstanding, you immediately correct it, and when you are done, (if you have been honest and candid) you each understand the other better.

      Tell me how sending a text message concerning something as important as affairs of the heart is an improvement on that? It is a lazy way to avoid dealing with each other's feelings and it is fraught with the possibility of misinterpretations and misunderstandings.

      Now, be honest with yourself about your feelings: brutally and absolutely honest. Don't be afraid to admit what you want from him and what you are feeling. Next, go talk to him. Have an honest and sincere heart-to-heart conversation.

      When you are finished, I hope that you are embraced in each other's arms, professing your love for one another. Good luck!

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you're overthinking and there's really not much to "fix". I mean no offense but you're his f*ck buddy so it's not like there's some legitimate bond to salvage.

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