Guys, how do you feel about independent women?

I'm referring to women who pride themselves on being independent and able to take care of themselves whether it be financially, physically, mentally, etc. Would you date a woman like this?

I was talking to one of my male friends and he said he would never date a woman who didn't make him feel needed in some way. So, I was curious about how other men feel about this.

  • Yes, I would date a woman like that
    28% (8)60% (28)47% (36)Vote
  • No, I would not date a woman like that
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  • It would depend on other factors (please explain below)
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  • See results
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Most Helpful Guy

  • See, in my opinion, there has to be a balance. A woman who, like some of the other contributors have noted, is so independent that the very idea of "being with a man" is the semantic equivalent of "having to settle with mediocrity" to me, would be a blaring red flag. Being cold, distant, acting superior and condescending, why would anyone want to deal with that?

    I want a woman in my life who is kind, generous, compassionate, and able to help me when I am in need as well as herself; in that regard, she doesn't "need a man", but chooses to be supportive with one. Who pushes her man to be his best self and he does the same in turn; who will not bow down to him when he is disrespectful, because she deserves better. Biologically, the sexes are different, but when those differences are taken into consideration, should not both people have both dependence and independence from and with each other?

    Autonomy with accountability. That, in my mind, is the definition of Independence. And any women who says that this is simply the Patriachy talking needs to ask themselves the obvious question: what is the better alternative?

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What Guys Said 32

  • Your question is tricky because it contains two elements , not one.

    An indépendant woman , in the positive sense , doesn't need a man for her survival ( Basic human needs) . You don't need me for your food, pension, beauty, clothes, summer vacation. But you need me for how i inspire you , how i motivate you , how great i make you feel. I am your rock that you can rely on in times of trouble. This doesn't make you a less independent woman , the male energy completes your existance and there should be nothing weak about admitting that.

    I am indépendant man , i dont need a woman for my survival, i don't need any one cooking or cleaning or decorating or healing me when i am sick. But i need the feminine touch and energy for sweetness, comfort , laughter, affection , softness. That doesn't make me a less independent man. The female energy completes my existence.. and there is nothing weak about admitting that.

    While i applaud that women are getting more equal to men, make sure that you don't deceive yourself about the realities and differences between men and women. Men are not your enemy and they are not your competition. Don't be this single angry lady at 40 something repeating '' i am a strong independent woman and i don't need a man !''

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    • I'm not sure if the "you" in your response is directed at me or not but this question is not about me, I was just asking in general how men feel about these types of women. Lol I'm certainly not independent, at least not in this stage of my life.

      But anyway, thanks for your in-depth response and taking the time to answer. It was very insightful :)

    • don't worry about the ''You '' ... what i am trying to say is that people like to feel they have a role in the lives of someone else.. people like to be valuable... if a girl is billionaire but she shows me that i am a big value i her life then she needs me.. and this feels nice... but if i am with a girl that doesn't show me that she needs me in her life... it doesn't matter how poor or rich she is... i wouldn't connect with her.. no matter how hot she is... and she will be no more than.. maximum... good sex for a while. You can be the most successful women in the world and still know how to make your man feel needed.. contrary to radical feminist beliefs.. men do wish the best for women. What we don't want is some delusional angry bitter bitch living in victimhood and trying to prove every single day that she could be exactly like a man. ( Not saying this is you... i just see many of them and they wonder where all the men went )

    • Oh okay, I definitely understand what you mean.

  • Every man and every woman should lead rational, productive, independent lives. I would certainly date a genuinely independent woman.

    However, the 'independent woman' who has allegedly been produced by five decades of feminism is not a genuinely independent woman. If a woman is (via welfare, workplace regulations, etc) dependent on government, she is no more independent than a woman who lives off her husband! In fact, this traditionalist arrangement is actually superior to the feminist arrangement because the traditionalist arrangement is a voluntary arrangement and because it is honest.

    While it is very rare for me to find anyone of either sex who is consistently for freedom and responsibility, it is much more common for me to find men than women who are at least willing to take the bulk of responsibility for their own lives. That said, both sexes have been infantilized significantly by the various political ideologies implemented into policy by government over the decades, but women definitely much more so than men because of the huge influence of feminism.

    So, yes, in summary, independent women are awesome. But, what is typically labelled an 'independent woman' is no such thing.

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    • I should add that being a second-hander, in other words living to one-up other people, is also unattractive. You should want to succeed because it will improve your life, not because you want to surpass other people. Competition is not bad. But, it is not good either. It is a morally neutral by-product of productivity. In fairness to women, I should point out that this immoral focus on competition is much more common to men than women. However, it is also very prevalent among 'independent' women (though not independent women), and actually that self-label itself implies that mentality.

  • Of course I would, I am looking for a life partner, not an oversized toddler whose body is legal. Although technically, people usually date to get some of their needs met that require other people, no? That being emotional reciprocation, intimacy, affection, etc. And also enjoying each other's extended company.

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  • I voted "A"

    Not only would I date a girl like this, I PREFER women like this. There is no reason to revert back to traditional gender roles.

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  • I prefer independent women. A woman able to take full responsibility for her life and happiness is one of the biggest turn ons I can see in a woman.

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  • A girl who is independent, yes. A girl who prides herself on being independent, no. The latter just seems annoying.

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  • Why would that be a bad thing lol?
    Tho I understand his concern of "neediness" .
    If the other party doesn't feel needed , then why would the party stay?

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    • Yeah, I agree. Well, if you read the other comments, a few men have said that they think women who claim to be independent act like they don't need or want a man which could be a turn off to them. I don't know but the various responses so far are interesting. Lol

    • Now that I think of it , it's not so much "neediness" but of a mutual desire that is equal in magnitude.

  • If her independent attitude leaves her cold, callous, distant, and bitchy then I wouldn't want to stay around her.

    But if she's caring, affectionate, and loving in addition to being independent then that's perfectly fine.

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  • Personally I'd love an equal partner in a relationship so a "truly" independent woman would be awesome.

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  • Yep :) one of my fears when it comes to dating is not having enough alone time I need with out upsetting my girlfriend. Nothing against her but I don't like having to see each other every single day, I need the space. With both of us working hard, not only would we be able to save up, our time we do spend together would be even more special and most likely more affection. Also, as long as she's not the cynical man hating type who is quick to threaten to leave every time shit goes down.

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    • I understand that, so it would work better for you then in that situation :)

  • I would not date a woman who isn't independent and who isn't capable to take care of herself.

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  • Now , your friend never say he refuse to date independent woman, he said he would never date a woman that don't need him in any way. It sound like a woman that don't value his contribution to the relationship is a turn-off for him, and for me too.

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    • We were specifically talking about women who claim to be independent and then he made that comment. So that is what he was referring to but I understand your outlook and I'm sure that's how he feels too.

  • as long as "independend" doesn´t mean you won´t fully trust a guy necause you´re oh so independend, it should be fine.

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    • Now sure if you're referring to me specifically but this isn't about me, I was just asking in general.

    • not to you specificalley but to chicks that claim to be "independent". they usually have this superiority attitude. but if not, i like it.

    • Oh okay, I understand what you mean.

  • Independence is strength, and I don't like weak people.

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  • I feel like people care a lot more about labels than actions.

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  • Guys wanted to feel needed, it makes us feel like we have a purpose. So, if a woman never needs us why bother?

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  • Actually this is the type of women that I respect and would like to marry.

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  • Ok this is important to me: I loveeeee really confident girls that are emotionally self-reliant. But it's important to let me be a gentleman though. I knew this girl that refused to let me open doors for her, I couldn't believe it.

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  • Yes i like women who are Independent that's great idea

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  • Well, i would personally be quite alright with that. In many respects, a girl who wants to date you but doesn't need you is a lot better than a girl who needs you but wants you only out of convenience or desperation

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  • Every women should be independent but not to a degree where the man feels like a spare wheel or a second thought it's about balance

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  • Independent women are more capable of coping with me consistently making an ass of myself. Definitely a plus.

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  • Sounds like they're saying "I'd rather be single", so, sure, I'm not fussed, have it your way :)

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    • Maybe, I don't know. I've never actually met a woman who made it a point to talk about how independent she is.

    • Perhaps that is because you pay more attention to the other gender :)

    • haha yeah, probably.

  • My problem is with the being proud part. Being independent is a normal thing, not something to be proud of. I'm not proud that I have nostrils, because your suppose to have nostrils! The flaunting of the independent woman thing would turn me off.

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  • I agree with your friend I need to feel needed in some way.

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  • I'm actually married to a women like this. Where i sometimes don't feel needed i wouldn't be there if i want wanted. My independent wife is amazing and i don't think i could be with a woman who want independent.

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  • Yup I appreciate them n their struggles!!!
    I would date them if offered.. ;)

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  • The first lady I dated was an "independent woman" like you described. She dumped me in less than a week because I was too "clingy" (it was my first EVER attempt at a relationship at a much older age than most). We were friends beforehand, and we stayed friends, but it was awkward for a while.

    My fiancee is somewhat clingy, while I have become more laid back since my earlier attempts at dating. It sometimes gets a little tiring, but I much prefer it over someone who is so independent that they don't even need you around. I mean, what's the point of dating someone if they don't want to be with you all the time? If you get married, you're going to have to share a house.

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  • As long as she isn't a man hater. Man hating and the description you gave seem to be part of the same package a disappointing percentage of the time.

    They're admirable qualities, but they now are a red flag to me. When I see them, I start screening a girl a thousand times harder. I've had some really bad experiences I'd prefer not to repeat.

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  • I'd have no problem dating an independent woman. Being independent and self-sufficient doesn't mean she lacks emotions or feelings. It just means that she’s got a fast-moving life.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I pride myself in my independence. I don't like appearing like a damsel in distress that a man feels compelled to save. My tutor even called me "Miss independent" when I was going down loads of stairs with loads of my luggage that obviously looked very heavy but I was managing it fine (I'm pretty strong) and refused help from him. Other have gotten this independence vibe from me.

    I pay for all my stuff. I went out with a guy on Friday and he kept insisting he paid for my drink but I said to him and the bar man that it's the 21st century, I can pay for my own stuff and that I had more money than him anyway (not in a patronising way). I feel the only person I can truly rely on nowadays is myself. I would dislike it if guys were intimidated by that. I still like a guy's company but I can usually do most things myself and don't appreciate it when someone assumes I'm unable to do something because I'm a woman.

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    • Cool, it's good hearing your perspective on this. Thanks for your response :)

  • My guess is that some men love it and find that fire to be extremely sexy and highly attractive. They want an independent woman to guide their daughters. :) They love the strut and vibe of an independent women who gives no vibe of weakness or dependency.

    However, some men simply feel threatened by it. A needy, dependent women is apart of what makes them feel solid and firm in their masculinity.

    Then you have some independent women who are so independent that they come across as snooty, arrogant, and make any and every man jump through hoops just to prove that he is worthy of her consideration let alone an actual chance with her.

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  • This topic can be reversed to men, too. I can't imagine ever spending my life with someone in such a way if they weren't independent. It is one thing if they have a disability or medical condition that therefore requires more attention or understanding. And an entirely other situation if they are clingy, suspicious, voluntarily idle, and treat me like a maid.

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  • I think it's the attitude that turns them off and not the actual fact that she can go at it alone. The fact that she says so is offensive apperently.

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  • I like independent women!

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  • Sorry, I just thought of this song. :)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9brRClzXLY0

    And I think many men like that kind of women.

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  • I feel like this song should be on this thread...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9brRClzXLY0

    Gotta love that independence. ^^ Doesn't mean you don't want a man to share life, love, companionship, intimacy, affection, etc. with, but you're definitely capable of taking care of yourself. :)

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    • Oh wait, someone beat me to it lol.

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