Should I stop looking for love?

I'm 19. Never been on a date, kissed or had sex or anything. For as long as I have lived my dream has been love. To be there for someone and that someone loving me and looking at me like I was only woman in the world.

I got bullied by guys and girls at school. I fell for the shy nerdy guys. But even they weren't interested. I read books, got A's in school, since that was only thing in my life. Later on I fell for an autistic guy online. I loved him but it ended because he didn't love me as much. And it hurt.

And I have been depressed. I've been alone for a long time. I feel ugly and worthless. I'm not pretty enough for any guy to love me or make love to me. I'm thinking about plastic surgery but I'm not sure I could do that.

So should I give up? Accept my life as it is. Focus completely on my career and myself and forget about love?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Much of your post focuses on your appearance and it is difficult to respond without seeing a good picture of you. Some people have such a negative self-concept that they think they are ugly when, in fact, they are not.

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    • It is irrelevant. You can clearly understand I'm no beauty. It doesn't matter if I'm average, ugly or a monster. I'm just not pretty. And all guys want a pretty girl. I'm also inexperienced and hate myself. Enough reasons to keep guys away. I'm 19, am I too old already start? If I've been alone until now, is it possible that it could change anymore?

    • By definition, most people are average looking, and they find a mate for a long term relationship. I doubt that your appearance, by itself, is a deal breaker. Every guy is not demanding an 8+/10 girl and this is probably an excuse to not confront the other issues.

      There are plenty of 19 year old boys who are inexperienced. Many of them are virgins. Many of them have never dated and they are experiencing similar thoughts and feelings. It is never too late to start dating. I am 60 years old, and if I encountered a lady who confessed that she had never had sex, of course I would wonder why she had lived her life at that way but I would be honored if she selected me to be her first partner in love.

      The biggest problem you have is your self-concept and how that translates into the image that you project. If guys perceive you as bitter or hostile, they will stay away like you've got bubonic plague. Perhaps you should consider some counselling to address your self-concept and depression.

What Guys Said 6

  • Look woman, you need to not think your happiness revolves around finding love, you need to focus on you, how are you going to make you better. Being a girl has its advantages because guys will approach you. The disadvantage is constantly being under the impression to look pretty. Just focus on making a smarter more physically able person and the men will come.

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  • Lost a picture so we can see. Even if your not that physically attractive your personality can shine and guys will fall for you. Post a pic I'm sure your pretty and just have self esteem problems. I feel the same way. I feel unattractive also. But people here said I wasn't ugly.

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  • Yes, that is exactly what you should do. Focus on yourself, be happy as you are. That is the best way to find someone you love.

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  • Frankly, you're way too young to give up on anything

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  • Trust me the moment u stop looking for love... the magic will happen...

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  • Stop sitting on your butt and approach guys and ask them out.

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What Girls Said 7

  • You're nineteen for God's sake. I didn't get a proper boyfriend until nineteen. There's a lot I didn't do I til then or later. You are literally leaving your childhood and you think your life is over all ready? Yes. Maybe you would take a step back and stop obsessing over this. I know it sucks. I've been alone and thought that myself but wallowing like this will help no-one... and I'll tell you now - it isn't attractive.

    Get on with your life and you'll find someone. There's nothing more to say really, it feels as if it will never happen but it will.

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  • Its sad to know you rely your self love on your looks and not what you can do to achieve with it. You got a brain and a heart.

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  • Never give up on love!

    Because you don’t know when it’s going to happen to you. It could happen tomorrow, it could happen next week, and it could happen in twenty years. But when it does happen, you don’t want to have become so cold-hearted that you can’t receive it.

    Because one of the biggest risks you will ever take in life is love. And as a wise woman (my mother) always says, “It’s risky not to take risks.”

    Because by our very nature as human beings, our souls call us to live a life of love; to love, and to be loved.

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  • Don't ever give up!! There is someone out there for everyone!! Keep focusing on yourself and aim high but don't forget about love! Everyone is beautiful in there own way, and one day you'll meet someone and they'll see that in you. Try and get out more, do more activities that are sociable where you can meet all sorts of different people. Don't ever get plastic surgery, don't change how you look for anybody. If someone does not like you for the way you look then they were not worth your time, and in my own opinion, plastic surgery looks awful! Don't give up, you'll meet the one at some point in your life, just keep looking and you'll find him. Accept yourself the way you are, someone is going to love you for you one day!

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  • Love is not what you see in movies. The more you try to find the perfect one the harsher would be the reality. Look I'm 21 and I have never kissed, had sex and I never had a boyfriend just because I don't want to especially at this point of life.
    My all focus is on improving my personality, career, body, my communication skills and cooking skills.
    Don't get sad. Just look around and observe. Just see what you're lacking and improve it. Don't bend to peer pressure.
    Ask someone who's close to you about your strength and weakness. And try to improve what you can, take baby steps. Don't rush anything.

    And please don't waste your time on online dating these things are shit.

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  • your 19! you have your whole life ahead of you! this is like me saying i should stop looking I'm only 3 years younger than you and I'm sure i would be called pathetic if i was saying the same as you. in the nicest way possible stop feeling sorry for your self and get out there and do what YOU want to do!

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  • There are so many people much older than you who haven't experienced anything either. I didn't start till I was 21/22. You're normal and common.

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