Guys, He's not looking for random hookups and he's also not looking for a relationship. What does that mean?

I had a second date with this guy. The first date went great. We had so much in common and talked for hours at a coffee shop until it closed. On our second date he was quite touchy feely and told me he found me super attractive and tried to kiss me several times but I kept backing away. I did tell him that I found him attractive but that I don't kiss early on when I'm dating. As he was walking me back to my car he was quiet and really distant and didn't even hug me goodbye..

He's told me that he's not looking for random hookups but at the same time he said that he's not looking for a relationship.

What does that even mean? Why did he want to hang out with me if he doesn't want a relationship or to hookup?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It most likely means that he really wants to take things slow. Basically a relationship without the label or the pressure to move in together. Just tell him you understand how he feels but ask him to clarify one thing. Weather or not he wants to see other people. I'm guessing you don't want to so if he asks you what you want be honest. If he says no he isn't going to he wants to take things slow (no labels) if he says yes he wants what is known as a Friends With Benefits (fwb) type relationship.

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    • Well I messaged him and said that I like him but thought he wanted to a fling which is not something I ever do. He never replied so it's safe to assume he was just after sex? When I pulled back from his kiss he was very cold and distant to me even though I said that I don't move that quickly..

    • How long ago Was this?

    • He ended up replying saying that he doesn't want to play around with my heart and that he's not one of those guys who sleep around. He also said he was gutted that I didn't kiss him.

      He didn't apologize or anything though. I messaged him back saying that he gave off the vibe that he wants a fling since he said he's not looking for a relationship. I said that I can only be friends or be in a relationship with a guy. I don't do friends with benefits etc and said if that's what he wants then I'd rather just be friends since we have a lot of common interests. He hasn't responded in over a day and he usually responds within the day to 2 days. Not sure what to make of his behavior.

What Guys Said 6

  • he might just want to get to know you better before pursuing a relationship. I usually like to get to know someone myself before doing anything romantic just to see if the person is someone I like. However I don't think I would have tried kissing the girl unless I felt ready to move to the next level. Obviously he is inexperienced and doesn't see that he is sending the wrong message.

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  • He wants a girl in his life to keep him happy, satisfy needs and just see where it goes with no expectations. He wants a friend. Does that make sense?

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  • I'm thinking at date two it was thought to not be random. /c:

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    • He said he's emotionally unstable due to his past relationship and that he's not looking for a relationship... So I'm not sure what he wants especially since he was very distant after I turned down his advances to kiss me

    • Which suggests, you know what he wants, right?

  • Guys who say they are not looking for hooking up are actually looking to hook up haha

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  • Maybe he want to marry

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  • Probably He's gay and want to explore

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