Guys, would you be patient with a girl who was scared to start a relationship?

I have to admit, after a third serious relationship break down and after each one gets a lot more painful and messier than the last, I've put my walls up way too high this time and I don't see them coming down anytime soon and I've become quite a cold/blunt person from it all. I feel like no-one could break those walls but even if they had a chance, it would have to be taken down brick by brick, ever so slowly. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a very sensitive person, I consider myself a great girlfriend that treats a partner like a king and I show my love constantly, but now it'll take longer for me to show that side, until I could trust a guy again. Up until that point, I can appear distant/uninterested, when actually, I'm protecting myself. I still enjoy the guy's company.

I was wondering if that would put a guy off, he wouldn't have the patience for that or he'd find a damaged girl unattractive and go after someone else. Would you be willing to see a girl for a fair few months before you made it official? Would you be understanding and not judgmental or view her as weak? Would you require to know the full story of why she's become that way or would you accept it as it is? How would you feel about this kind of situation?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, of course, but only if she is worth waiting for.

    So if you ever date a guy, just tell him that you want to take things slow. You will be covered.

    There is no need to explain why you need to take things slow or no need to bring previous bad relationship stories, they bore people.

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What Guys Said 21

  • Well I trusted a girl similar to that you've mentioned in your question.
    But after dating for friggin 1.5 years, she still had feelings for her ex and she left me for him and told me to forget about her and move on with life.
    We haven't had any fight but still she left me cold heartedly. The sad part is, I loved her unconditionally but I had to give up on her
    That incident left a big scar in my life and I still afraid to put my trust on girls for relationships.
    So no I wouldn't date an emotionally unstable/broken girl, she should develop her self confidence before committing to a newer relationship.

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  • As long as she told me she has relationship issues she's working on I'd be there for her. I'd wait. Do you tell guys who are interested this or do you act like your not interested? If a girl acted like she wasn't interested or was back and forth I might just assume she's not into me.

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    • I show that I like them. I am more than willing to hang out with them regularly and apologise for being busy etc. I may hug and kiss them. I make them feel I'm interested in them, but I still keep myself at a distance now. I would explain the situation if they were feeling a bit odd about what was going on, definitely. I wouldn't keep them in the dark.

    • Then yes. If I was dating someone dealing with that I would want to help them through it. If it was a trust issue I'd make sure to give no reason and always reassure them. I would just want to make them happy and make them comfortable. We can go as slow as she wants.

  • If you are honest with him, he won't mind
    Good girls almost always make us wait

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  • You and my girlfriend seem to be in similar positions. We've come a long way the last six months, and the one thing I've learned is patience. She has her flaws, and sometimes they are more obvious than others. But I love her. She's not weak, but she runs. I've learned that in this, I am going to be the man I should be, who loves and cares for her, no matter the situation.

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    • That's a good way to put it - not weak but runs (for protection). We'll certainly fight if we have to! I'm glad she's found someone like you who can be patient and understanding.

    • Thanks. Like you, she's afraid that nobody will ever be able to get through and make her feel the way she thought she would.

  • As long as I trusted her to not get involved with other guys, and I'm certain that her feelings for me are genuine... then sure.

    I'd be sure to explicitly communicate this too (so there's no mis-communication).

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  • Yeah I would be patient, especially if I liked the girl.
    I'd try to give her space and listening ears to chose between :D

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  • brutal honesty... no I wouldn't

    Based on your other opinions/questions you seem like a train wreck. I wouldn't want to invest my time and energy just for the chance that you'd open up to me.

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  • I dont think there is anything wrong with taking time to trust again Hannah most guy's who genuinely like you will wait for you , only ones that won't are the ones you dont want to be with anyway I waited for my girl for 5 years before I got with her (Not the girl in my profile pic - that's me with a PR girl at a Motorsport day recently my own girl took that for me)

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  • At first I was going to answer by saying that as long as I knew you were interested in me and their was hope for the future I could see myself sticking out for the long haul. But you mentioned that you appear distant/uninterested. That is the point where I am not sure if it's worth it. I am VERY willing to invest my time in a lady I felt we could be good together with. But if she is not showing signs that there is a future even if it's months away I would be less inclined to stay. Best advice from me would be to let him know you like him but you have to take it slow. If you don't say that to him he will probably think you don't care and leave. Be honest with him.

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    • In the beginning, when I trust the person and open up, then I'm the best girlfriend I can be, so I think it's worth dealing with. I would most likely tell him that I like him but want to take things slow. :)

    • I don't see that being a problem. I think he might want to help you through what issues he can. As long as he knows you like him and he can help you trust again then I think he will stick around. Just make sure he knows how you feel about him and that their is a future for the two of you.

  • It would all depend for me on how she acted toward me. I could understand the wanting to take things slow part. But if she acted cold and distant and couldn't loosen up she wouldn't be very pleasant to be around. And if she wasn't pleasant to be around then why bother.

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    • I have bad days of being cold/blunt. When I go on dates, I'm fun to be around, I still laugh and joke, enjoy their company etc, you wouldn't think there was a problem. But I won't be wrapped around your finger in a sense. I won't answer texts immediately when you send them, I probably won't send loads of kisses or overtly flirt but I'll still show signs of interest (e. g. cuddling). I'll basically keep you at arms length until I feel comfortable. Of course, this would all be explained early on though! I wouldn't just randomly be distant with a guy who I was interested in and not at least explain it. I can like a guy, yet still be distant and not wait around for his texts all day. I've spent too many hours of my life doing that so I don't do it anymore!

  • Of course I would I am a very patient man.

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  • I would. I am just that type of guy that waits for a woman so it will go towards a good direction. :).

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  • Some people need time to recover and find themselves. I wouldn't date you because no matter what you'd be preoccupied.

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  • If the guy is worth it he would bend over backwards for you
    I am a single guy but I do no to respect a woman

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  • i would. would you date an ugly guy who's affraid of rejection?

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  • I would understand because i have had a girl step on my heart

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  • I wouldn't start a relationship with somebody who's broken. I would become her guru friend and would council her though her ruff times.

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    • Nice of you to be there for her, but I don't think I'd like it if a guy I liked became my counsellor.

  • nO. WOULD YOU WAIT FOR A MEAL, WHEN YOU WANT IT NOW?

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  • Not always

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  • I'd assume she was stringing me along

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  • Too much time and effort to deal with a damaged woman. Plus, damaged girls can be unpredictable and dangerous--she's most likely to start throwing around false accusations, for example.

    I don't date damaged women, as a rule. I wouldn't be judgmental of her or look down on her in anyway, but until she's healed, I wouldn't consider her romantically. She needs to take the time to work on herself before asking another person to risk their emotions on her.

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    • I'm only "damaged" in the sense, I can no longer trust as easily, I'm pretty scared about dating anyone again now tbh. I don't ever throw around false accusations! I know how to control myself and what's inappropriate or completely delusional. I wouldn't say I was "effort" either. I can manage things on my own, I'm fairly independent so the guy would have to do nothing but show he could be trusted, not just in the loyalty sense.

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