Does the 'Elastic band' theory of dating actually work?

Like distancing yourself, will it make them desire you more

Have you found this?
Has this worked for you or have you felt like you wanted the other person more when they distanced themselves

E. g. not responding to the other persons messages/ calls straight away

  • Worked FOR me
    35% (7)17% (3)26% (10)Vote
  • Worked ON me
    5% (1)6% (1)5% (2)Vote
  • Failed FOR me
    5% (1)0% (0)3% (1)Vote
  • Pushed me away
    10% (2)11% (2)11% (4)Vote
  • Never experienced this but believe there is truth to the theory
    0% (0)17% (3)8% (3)Vote
  • Unsure
    25% (5)22% (4)24% (9)Vote
  • This doesn't work
    20% (4)27% (5)23% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • don't play games. be busy enough as an individual that you get forced to pass some time without each other working, both of you.

    and it doesn't need to be one complete day two days a week. some hours some periods in the day is enough. if you really love each other you want to be together all the time ideally. you don't ever need to get distanced from each other to get attracted to each other. and those some hours of not being together help you to keep doing your own works and interests and also help you to be more excited when you sit together to have dinner. when you go to bed together.

    But with distancing yourself on purpose being in a relationship or not, or in other words playing games, nothing will get better in a straight way, but it can get worse too.

    even if he comes after you after you distanced yourself it is not done in a good way and he will not forget it, also it shows that he's either just too obsessed with you which isn't a good thing or have found what you're doing and is just playing a role to please you.

    all said above is not good because it is not honest.

    and like I said it won't be always good. It can just end the whole relationship between you and tear it apart very fast.

    So hear me, don't do it.

    and don't ever want to buy or attract anyone's love. if someone is into you he's into you. if he's not, he's not. respect it if he is forget it if he's not.

    if you want to see someone is attracted enough ask him in honesty. and expect honesty too. be straightforward. if you are not satisfied with how much attention someone you like gives you tell him straightforward. tell him I like you and you like me and this love and attention you're giving me isn't enough for me. I expect more attention and care from you.

    very simple. don't make things complicated. love is easy if you are honest.

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What Guys Said 12

  • This approach is a risky gamble. Some guys will view it as emotional dishonesty, which isn't always the best way to start a fledgling relationship.

    It will work sometimes, when the subject of the distancing is fairly obsessed with the person. If they are already starting to feel some of the NRE chemicals associated with early infatuation. In those situations, the distancing can start getting them thinking about the person a bit more in a speculative sense, wondering what they are up to, and that can have the effect of getting more of those early chemicals flooding the brain while thinking about the person. So in those cases it can have some success.

    If the person doesn't have those chemicals in the brain associated with the person yet, or if they are really insecure, or if they are only interested in the person casually at the moment, the distancing can be catastrophic for the relationship. It can kill it before it really gets started. A person can end up feeling abandoned, or annoyed, or deceived by the person, and end up forming negative associations in their head instead.

    It's emotional manipulation, so it's always going to be a questionable decision. And it's a bit of a crap shoot for having it work anyway, so I would approach this idea with great caution. If you are desperate and feeling a relationship is drifting away from you and you need to kick it up a notch, it could be a last-ditch effort worth considering. But I wouldn't use it as a standard approach if you are looking to start a healthy relationship.

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  • I vote 'E' cause I sure believe there are situations where this has worked but again there's no thumb rule for anything including this theory.

    I'd take it on from individual to individual and situation to situation.

    On me whenever anyone's tried it, it's failed 100% :)

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  • Years ago I lived in a dorm and had a crush on a girl from my past, so I basically didn't want to get involved with other women. Also, I was pretty weird (weirder than now), and I let my hair and beard grow wild. I wore terrible clothes. I even pretended to be dumb and cold.

    Oddly, quite a few of the girls I shared a kitchen with (including two or three I was attracted to) seemed really into me. They were very curious about me and tried to invite me to parties. I guess the fact that I was sincerely resisting must have made me more interesting.

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  • "Like distancing yourself, will it make them desire you more"<--- only if da other person likes u back basically ;-)

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  • It worked for me but Its too late for love Dx http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vHA1Cv9XsBk

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  • If someone distances themselves from me then I'm distancing myself from them. I'm not gonna chase after someone who is giving signs of disinterest, I'm not into feeling like a creep.

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  • LOL i think it would work only if that person likes you at least a 50℅... if that person doesn't like you then it won't work...😊

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  • Yes this actually works. It's something my friends and I call he/she who cares the least.

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  • it a girl distanced her self from me doesn't make me want her more or less i don't really think about i would just assume she was busy or she doesn't like me anymore which is fine in any case cause i like my space

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  • Can cause confusion/heartache for the ignnored party. If you like him tell him Alex :D

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  • I usually just lost interest and went elsewhere.

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  • elastic theory

    i think its called playing hard to get.
    whatever it is its stupid.

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What Girls Said 9

  • Well, he's not my boyfriend and I'm not dating him, but he is my best friend. When I ignore him he gets upset and will do anything to get my attention. I only ignore him, though, when he's acting like an ass. He once called me clingy and I told him that he was exactly the same way with me. He said he wasn't so I ignored him for a couple of days and he got really upset and wouldn't leave me alone, haha. Victory is won!

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  • Yes, it usually works.

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  • It really does work... but only for the guys that don't want to settle down or not ready to settle down OR don't know what they want OR think you are too interested in them.

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    • How do you do it properly lol?

    • Basically (for me), once I notice a guy is distancing himself or acting like it is losing interest, I in return distance myself from him. He will be back.. and when he is, I continue to distance myself a little--slowly letting him back into normal routine/relationship. Also, if we aren't in a relationship and I like him, if I can tell he is one of the guys that don't know or isn't sure, I act nonchalant and I am cool about it.. giving him all the time in the world and keeping my distance (though that can be different from the band theory).

  • It might work for/on some people but this guy tried using the "theory" on me. We were really close friends before and then suddenly he's not replying as much as he used to and just being overall unreachable so I was like hmm okay whatever 😒 and stopped trying to message him. In like a week I got all these mass texts from him saying how much he missed me and made up some lame excuse, his friend told me about him trying to play hard to get so that I'd make the first move 😑

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    • Did it ever turn into anything?

    • Nope but for a while I thought maybe I did like him but after the whole thing I needed some space. He still texts me from time to time as a friend. Things might've been different if he just told me he was interested instead of being hard to get.

      Maybe it works differently for guys or both ways. But as soon as I started distancing myself so did he- not very elastic there 😐

  • This has definitely worked on and for me LOL My crush tried to do the "distance himself" i was like oh okay dont think i dont know the game you're playing. Then i distanced myself then he was trying to get closer to me so it definitely works!

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    • How did you do it?

    • Show All
    • No, because he was acting really stupid randomly, like i would give him sexy pics and he would too but then he wouldn't talk to me AT ALL, i tried to talk to him casually and that was impossible anytime i would try to ask a simple question like how are you he wuold get annoyed or straight freaking ignore me so i cut him off and told him why and that i dont deserve that. He once again emssaged me on his brothers account LOL

    • Yeah he doesn't deserve you lol

  • I think it's mean. I hate mind games and think you should just be sincere with people and let the chips fall where they may.

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  • Nope. I don't believe in playing games. If I like a guy, I want to see or hear from him everyday. And I expect the same back. If I don't get it, then he's dropped. I don't do hot and cold

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  • It worked for me. He became obsessed. I did it because he didn't seem to care if I contacted him or not and I got bored and stopped.

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  • I am unsure about it

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