I have been on several dates with this girl. It has been about a month since we have been on a date. We held hands while watching TV about a month and a half ago and afterwards we talked about holding and she said she wanted to move slow. So I told her I respect that and so I toned it down.
Last Saturday, She went on a "date" with a guy she met a couple of weeks ago. They went to the movies. One of my friends jokingly asked if it was a date and she replied "no" and the guy just awkwardly laughed a little.
I wasn't there, this is just what my friend, who is a girl, told me.
Now here is my question. Should I be concerned? Should I feel mad? Should I let the girl go? I got super jealous that she went to the movies with him. I felt that when she meant that we would go slow, that we would shy away from going out with other people. So I am torn, since we aren't officially dating, I feel I have no right to be mad or jealous, but at the same time, I want to know if this is a horrible sign that she might leave me?
She still talks to me everday, she still will touch my shoulder, she sits next to me at church vs sitting next to him.
What are you thoughts on this? Be honest too. I want up front answers, not answers that I want to hear.
Most Helpful Girl
There's no "should" or "shouldn't" with feelings. You feel what you feel. That's okay, as long as you don't act inappropriately. If I had a crush on someone and thought it was going somewhere, and then thought they might be interested in someone else, I'd be disappointed too.
She said she wanted to "go slow". This may be complicated by churchstuff. Does this mean you aren't supposed to get intimate too quickly? You haven't kissed her yet. Are there rules against kissing - is this advised against? She might feel she has to "go slow" because of that. Sometimes too, a parent might say something like, "I am concerned you are spending so much time with that one boy", worried will it get serious or physical too soon. She might think the best thing would be to hang out with other people, so it doesn't look that way.
Or she could be afraid to tell you she doesn't have feelings for you and was letting you down gently.
If you spend lots of time talking, why didn't she mention this "non-date"?
Whether something is a date or not is a grey area when there's no making out. She could SAY it's not a date, because "nothing happened" and no feelings were confessed, while still hoping.
Maybe she's curious about this guy, so doesn't want to make a decision until she gets to know more about you both.
She may be wisely taking her time, seeing how her feelings develop, what kind of people you are. Once it gets physical, it becomes more committed. She wants to make good choices and hurt nobody.
Comparison is a normal part of selection. She needs to know you're the cool guy who won't act bitter, rejected if you don't get what you want. If she feels you won't make a big deal of it, she may answer your question openly. This will raise your man-status no matter the outcome. Don't ask if she prefers him. That's weak. "You know I like you a lot, but if you just want friendship, I'm cool with that. Tell me if I'm putting my energy in the wrong direction. I'll respect you for it."0