Just a "guy" thing? or not?

my boyfriend recently told me that after watching a movie about a guy who sleeps with heaps of girls, he wanted too as well. he said he is in his "slut years" and telling his friends he has only slept with a small number of people is sometimes embarrassing. he says he has been having thoughts about sleeping with other girls but decided not to because he would get "lonely" without me. he said I should focus on the fact that he stayed around, instead of the sleeping with other girls part.

when you are in a relationship, do you think about sleeping with other people?

guys, have you had these thoughts? were they harmless?

i can't help but think that him thinking about sleeping with other people, will lead to him sleeping with other people.

he says I am the perfect girlfriend, but he just thought about other girls because he wanted to "get his numbers up".

he said sorry, apologized many times and said to ignore his thoughts. but I cant. am I over thinking this?

it makes me feel rejected and unappreciated :(

sorry if this is long.

please help?

Updates:
thankyou everyone for your answers. they are much appreciated! definitely opened my eyes to some things :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "he says he has been having thoughts about sleeping with other girls but decided not to because he would get "lonely" without me. he said I should focus on the fact that he stayed around, instead of the sleeping with other girls part."

    ___

    If he talks about it to you (rather than keep it secret) it's a good sign IMHO: it's HIS way of giving you some power/control over him and that will make him think twice about doing it.

    It would be really dangerous if he hid it.

    "when you are in a relationship, do you think about sleeping with other people?"

    Think, yes, but link

    A very good song, here by Pete Seeger: link

    guys, have you had these thoughts? were they harmless?

    I had and have them, and in my 'case' they're 100% harmless.

    (in fact, this morning, when I met a neighbour...)

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What Guys Said 5

  • I don't think it's normal, but I think it's common. Sex is not about quantity; it's about quality. Unfortunately, it takes guys some time to figure this out. My best advice is to dump him. He'll soon cheat or break up to sow his oats. He's already setting you up for the inevitable.

    Yes, I've thought about other women while in a relationship. Yes, these were harmless thoughts I didn't dare voice to my partner. Yes, I'm sure men and women both do it; someday you will too. However, you won't follow through; because, they are just passing silly thoughts.

    You are over thinking this. You're feeling rejected and unappreciated. You'll soon start to resent your boyfriend for being so immature. Dump him; a break up is inevitable. The sooner you get it over with; the sooner you can start having a better relationship with someone who makes you feel good.

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    • Age, that's why I say dump him. The guy is obviously very young.

    • IDK if a break up is inevitable.

      I have those toughts too, but I'd never jeopardize my marriage or break up because of some girl with a nice body (or because she dreamed about a 'hunk')

      Dumping the other on doubts sounds immature. I would never dump my wife if I suspected her of thinking about other guys.

  • There will always be impulses to sleep with other girls, they don't just go away because you have a girlfriend. However you can choose not to follow these things up and stay with your girl if you can see that it's a better choice.

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  • Men are very visual. Any man who sees a nice 'piece of ass or 'pair of b**bs' will be interested.

    Most people can live with just their fantazies, some will try to realize them. It depends on how strong the bond between you is.

    Among men 50 is a dangerous age: they think it's their 'last chance'.

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  • Omg, You are the perfect GF... This guys Nuts he doesn't know wht he has infront of him.. I love to have that someone special, to come home to and kiss and love. How old is he? no way when am in relashonship I just want to sleep with that one person over and over again... The bloke is trying to get you Jealous DO NOT FALL FOR IT! When he says that next, turn round and say yeah suppose and say il do the same, it will get to him big style! He is trying to keep you close but he will end up loosing a great girl, his loss... What's the point of risking something so special for one night with a stanger! This guy depends on you majorley, if you didn't call him for a day or two he would chase you... Who cares about numbers, I care about my health...

    Call his bluff he will run scared, trust me!

    Kane x

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  • basically he wants an open relationship. if he does sleep with other girls then its not going to work. if he loves you then he will only want you. you have to say no.

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What Girls Said 2

  • First let me say that I am sorry for the pain and suffering that you are going through just by having to hear something like that from someone you feel connected to.

    I have learned that life is too short and to have that burden of always wondering what he will do, makes me think that "it is time to take out the trash."

    I am not saying that he isn't a wonderful guy and maybe he is; but he is just not that in to you to say something openingly and that disrespectful to you. If he really cared about you and your feelings, he would of NEVER said anything like that to you about having other sexual relationships.

    Remember, you are number 1. And if number 1 is not happy, then you cannot make others happy around you. You deserve something more and better in a relationship! And don't worry, you can start all over again.

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  • It is probably a common thought, but it does mean, I think that he isn't in the mindset necessary for a committed relationship. He's seeing all of the things he could lose. Maybe he'll mature out of it, but I think there's a good chance that at least you won't get a solid committment out of him for a long time to come, or if he does outwardly commit, that he may back out in time in order to satisfy his urges. If he's in his "slut years" he isn't ready to be in his "till death do us part" years.

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