Why is he the one doing this when I'm the one who is upset?

He and I were friends for a long time, then had sex, then I saw a picture that his bro uploaded of all of them out and he was with another girl. I always told him I had my doubts abotu a relationship with him because he wants to see other girls, and I'm fine with that because we're friends. So after that picture, I backed away for the last two months, which wasn't hard to do because he disappeared on me too. I kept it neutral, and recently he found out I'm casually talking to someone (I made it apparent on my phone so he knows I'm not waiting on him). He would always ask me if something was wrong but I didn't want to come off as needy or clingy, because remember we are "just friends" and I can't interfere without looking jealous or hurt. So lately we started hanging out again. We were drunk the second night and just watching a movie at his place when he started getting touchy with me, and I just asked about everything- basically saying "you disappeared on me, don't you have someone?" and stuff like "respect her enough not to try anything with me" and stuff like that. He apologized and said there is no one in his life, but it wasn't convincing. We ended up cuddling in his bed for a bit and I left. He has been giving me the cold shoulder for three days. I texted him asking "if we're okay" and he never responded. What's the hell did I do?

I'm 24, he's 26.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're being absurd.

    Without going into much detail:

    You admit to agree on keeping things neutral and at the friendship level

    Yet you turn around and start interrogating him with all these questions about other girls.

    That's really not your place to be doing. Whatever he does with other girls is his life. He's never offered commitment to you.

    Do you see how all this comes out as very resentful and passive aggressive.

    You shouldn't be having conversations about his dating life , and morality when he's not your boyfriend and second you can't speak on behalf of this girl. For all anyone knows she may be into friendship with benifits.

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    • I did not interrogate him. I kept my cool for the very longest time. I only started asking when he became touchy with me. The couple of times before that when we hung out it was fine, I kept it on a friends level like we always had, and we only hugged and he kissed my cheek at the end of the hangout, totally innocent. but at his apartment aftr the movie when he tried to have sex again (after two months of not seeing me or just casually contacting me once a week), I had to stand my ground and tell him why I didn't want him touching me and ask him. How is that interrogating? I even told him that I didn't want to bring it up before because it was none of my business what he did in his personal life, but I don't want you to play with my heart like that. You want to see other girls, thats great, but have enough respect for them not to get physical with me. That's all. Why is that a bad thing? I wasn't mentioning it befoe because we would go out to eat/drink as innocent friends until that nigh

    • Show All
    • You're completely right, I appreciate your straight-forwardness. I really did try to keep it inside me for as long as I could. I didn't want him to take advantage and think I didn't know about his non-exclusive intentions. I've told him time and time again - I don't want a relationship because it'll complicate the friendship we have, I told him I'd love to hang out and just that. He doesn't get this.

    • I understand. . it's hard.. hence why I came down on you. We can only make sound judgement when our own mind is clear.

      Best of luck XX

What Guys Said 1

  • Oh dear!! The games people play!!

    You both sound a bit like users.

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    • I only did mine on purpose to piss him off. I'm incredibly loyal and that's why I've been hurting for two months.

    • I do think you deserve better than what this guy is offering. The problem with pissing someone else off is that it never addresses the original problem. It is most likely going to make things worse.
      Don't keep chasing the same guy if you've been hurting that long. Go and find a decent fella who doesn't play games and who doesn't play one girl off against another.
      I applaud you for your loyalty, but I don't feel this will get you very far with this guy

What Girls Said 1

  • he's super immature.

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    • Anti male culture... everything a male does is interpreted as immature if it doesn't align with your expectations.

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