Why is my boyfriend mad?

I feel like he has know reason to be mad at me. OK so we were friends for 2 years before we started dating now were 5 months in. I'm not the girly type or emotional so i dont wanna be touchy feely I'd rather keep it to myself. For a week I haven't been answering his calls or texts because I've been going thourgh stuff aboutt me being adopted. Well when I finally answered his call he started questioning me about avoiding him. I told him what was going on and how i want to be alone but he keeps telling me to come over so we can talk about it. I just wanna be alone and I feel like he won't understand or just wants to talk then have sex ( it's been like 2 months since we did it). Am I wrong for avoiding him?

  • Your wrong 😕
    52% (11)67% (6)57% (17)Vote
  • Your Right 😏
    48% (10)33% (3)43% (13)Vote
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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not wrong to want to be alone. However, it IS wrong to not tell your boyfriend that you're going through some stuff and that you'd prefer to be left alone for a while. How was he supposed to know what you were up to? How was he supposed to know that you were ok (physically, like not dead)? How was he supposed to know that you weren't breaking up with him or something?
    Because, quite frankly, if my boyfriend ignored me on purpose for a week without explaining why, I would honestly think that this is his way of breaking up with me. That's a shitty thing to do to your partner. You are not single. You owe him an explanation. You don't have to go into details, just say something like "I'm going through some stuff that I need to figure out, I will contact you immediately when I feel better". That's the LEAST you could do. If you want to be alone without having to explain yourself to anyone, without listening to anyone, without talking to anyone, then maybe you're not mature enough for a relationship. Relationships are a lot about effort and communication. Take those away, which you did for a week without any explanation, and there is no relationship.
    Like I said, you have the right to want to be alone sometimes and deal with shit on your own, but you HAVE to tell your boyfriend about it. You can't just shut him out and expect him to understand and accept that. That's simply not what you do in a relationship.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Apologizing while "not being wrong" won't be experienced by your boyfriend as a sincere apology. You will think you've done your part, but he'll still be pissed.

    Here is an analogy for you:

    Your behavior toward your boyfriend has been kind of like backing your car over the neighbor's cat. You neither intended nor sought a bad outcome, but you are still responsible for the consequences of your acts.

    You really did shut out your boyfriend for a week. That really did cause him distress. You really have been minimizing your culpability here. You really did distrust your boyfriend by not informing him of your needs at the beginning of the week. You acted like he would fail you so why even bother. Telling him that you need some time alone to process some difficult news is not too much to expect from you, or at least it shouldn't be.

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    • OK I'm really starting to feel bad. I should have texted him or called him or something. Omg I really f**ked up. I'm just going to go over tomorrow and explain myself and apologize. He should be calm by tomorrow

    • That is the change in understanding I'm looking for. Going over to see him tomorrow is a good idea. You knowing that you f***ed up is necessary for him to be able to forgive you.
      With your sincerity and his understanding you should be able to put this matter to rest.

  • I will not vote wrong or right because you are both in this situation.

    You are right because that is something you have to deal with on your own and that is perfectly acceptable reason to be alone and that really counts because you are not the type to show your emotions.

    However you were wrong to completely ignore your BOYFRIEND for a week without even acknowledging him or saying anything at all. That is a long time for you to say absolutely nothing to him. Sure you may not want him around or share your emotions and troubles with him, but you should have at least had contact with him. If I had a girlfriend and she just basically disappeared for a week I would be pretty mad as well

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    • I just wanted to be alone. I mean sometimes you just dont want to explain yourself. Im acknowledging him now so why be mad?

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    • OK I see where you and everyone else are coming from. I feel so bad right now. Im going to try to talk to him tomorrow

    • That sounds like a good plan, do not be too harsh on yourself as you did not intentionally do it and it is your first relationship. We all make mistakes sometimes. Hopefully it all works out :)

  • If he does not know why you are avoiding him, then ya I would be upset/worried as well. And even then, if it has been two months where you 'need to be alone', I understand that is how you feel, but he may be feeling that if you felt close to him, you would rather talk it through with him, so maybe you don't like him as much as you thought. And I mean, I hope I never have to go more than a few weeks with now sex while in a committed relationship...

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  • Your wrong in many ways, you could least answered one time
    and tell him your not feeling like talking/ texting or did something
    this is guy you knew 2 years just as friends , i got lot mixed feelings
    yes the guy may have his faults in some ways who don't..

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  • You don't know for sure that he just wants sex. He might just want to be there for you and support you, so why push him away like that? If i was in his place i would be worried sick if she didn't contact me for a week. Then she tells me she needs to be alone? I'd be extremely hurt after hearing that.

    He is probably mad at you because you shut him out.

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  • 1-I think you are right for dealing with this on your own but you also kinda failed him by not talking and disappearing for a week. If he can't understand that you need space then thats on him. I think he needs to learn space as well, you allow the sex and now you have stopped it.

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    • I thought he would be able to handle just a week with out me but I've never had someone do this to me so I don't know. I've been going through a lot so I'm not really feeling sex.

    • I was like you once being adopted and all. Well I probably went through a lot different situation because something gruesome happened to my parents. Best advice I can give you is get off the pity potty and begin to reign in those emotional horses. You need to also take the reigns and really begin to grow up become a strong woman and stop looking at yourself as useless. You aren't you are beautiful and unique in your own way. Best of luck.

  • know = have knowledge of
    no = negative or the opposite of yes

    Anyways I think you are right since personally when I deal with things I prefer to do it in isolation. They guy should have respected your wishes

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  • "Your"=Possessive pronoun: Your car, your dog, your money.

    "You're"=contraction of You Are: You're cool, you're wrong, you're right.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Put yourself in his place. How would you feel, if he was consistently ignoring you for a week?

    100% guarantee you'd flip your shit and assume he's cheating or doesn't want to be with you anymore.

    Yes, what you're going through is tough, but you can't just cut off your boyfriend completely without any warning and expect him to just be cool with that.

    If you want to be left alone, you should have told him that from the start. Expecting him to magically know that you're not mad at him or don't want to see him again is absurd.

    So yes, I'd say you're in the wrong here, as much as it sucks dealing with what you are.

    However, insisting on talking and bringing up sex at this time is rather shitty of him. Very shitty, actually.

    But then you said you haven't had sex in 2 months, which just points to even more problems within the relationship that I suspect both of you are at fault for.

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    • I didn't think about it like that. I probably would flip out but after he explained why he did this i think i would understand but he's still pissed.

    • Yeah, he probably will be for a bit. I'd be upset if my boyfriend dropped off the face of the earth without warning too, because that shows lack of trust and respect in the relationship.

      He wants to help you and the fact that you've been withholding sex for 2 months bonus completely ignored him for a week only exacerbated the whole situation.

  • You're wrong for ignoring him for a week, but he's wrong for being pushy about you coming over and talking with him. It's obviously something you need / want to work through on your own first, and he needs to realize that.

    But you also need to realize you have someone who cares for / about you, and ignoring them just because you're dealing with some shit doesn't really cut it. The least you should have done was explained after a day or so why you weren't communicating and then let him know you'd talk to him when you were up for it.

    He obviously went into the relationship knowing your personality, so it can't be a surprise that you're not touchy-feely.

    Basically, though, communication makes or breaks a relationship.

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  • You ignored him for a week? You may not need to be told or shown that you are cared for and not like 'touchy feely' stuff but that doesn't mean others don't. You've been very... I don't know, but I'd be pissed if I was your boyfriend. Your partner is there to support you, they want to support you and be there for you and if you refuse to let him in then personally, I'd feel very very hurt. Like they assume you would be of no use. That you can't help.

    Not the kind of relationship most people want.

    That said you need to work through what you need to work through in a way you want to. But letting him know you're ok would be a common courtesy.

    Sounds like you find him more of a nuisance than anything else. not very nice to be viewed that way.

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    • I honestly didn't intentionally mean to make him. feel like a nuisance. This is my fist real relationship and honestly do care for him and about his feelings

    • I feel for you, I was similar with my first boyfriends. You really do need to let them know you care. People do need assurance and they need to know you are ok.

  • I think you're wrong for avoiding him like that (not before, but NOW). You could shoot him a text and tell him that you prefer to deal with these kinds of things alone--not with anyone. And you hope he understands.

    Some boyfriends are truly genuine and want to help/console you in a way. He might not be interested in sex--and he should KNOW that he's not getting any especially with the bombshell you've been dropped.

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  • I understand both sides to this. Sometimes you really just need to be alone to clear your head or deal with whatever you have going on.
    But then on the other side when your significant other is going through something you want to be the first person they come to and the person they can trust.
    When you're in a relationship with someone its a 50/50 deal, you're committed to that person, it stops being all about you on both sides of the relationship. A man will always want to be there to take care of you even if there's nothing he can really do about it. They're wired to feel the need to protect and provide. He's going to want to take care of you. Be your safe haven, your comfort, your problem solver. I've known so many guys that it seriously pains them when they can't be that for their girlfriend. Talk to him, hun. I know you're going through some serious shit right now but you have to consider his feelings too. Goodluck!

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  • He is mad because of the lack of communication and you doing what you want without telling him why. You left him the dark.

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  • I feel like you should have explained why you weren't communicating, because if my boyfriend all of a sudden stopped talking to me I would be really worried and upset. It's good that he wants to talk to you in person, just tell him that you need some time to sort through some stuff and you'll talk to him about it when you feel ready.

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  • you can always talk to him about everything, he's your boyfriend afterall. of coz he'll mad when you're just silent and never talk about anything in a week, he loves you, that's why he wonder what happen to you and mad. if he doesn't love you, he definitely find other girl to hang out.

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    • I just wanted to do this alone. I didn't talk to anyone.

    • okay, so u just need to inform him that you need a space, you have personal matter. that's all, instead of ignoring him and shut yourself alone. at least he'll understand why you're reacting like that

  • he is worried about you and only wants to make you feel better

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  • You ignored him you should have to him

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  • you are right.

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