Are you more intimidated by number of partners your current significant other had, or the quality of those past partners?

I don't know if intimidated is the right word, but maybe which would bother you more? and honestly niether one needs to bother you, but I know it does bother many of both genders.

Just to be clear, I mean would you be more intimidated if your significant other had a few, but long and meaningful relationships (with long periods of time of a lot of sex but with the same partner) or a lot of little ones with lots of sexual partners?

I ask this because me and my current girlfriend sort of talked about our pasts, which honestly didn't bother either of us, and I have had three ex gfs that each lasted more than 2 years wince I was 16, the last one I even lived together with for a year and had plans on marrying (which was so dumb of me in retrospect, but I wisely left that it out now). Meanwhile she has had the complete oposite of nearly no relationship lasting even a year and apx 10ish ONS, whcih I have never done.

In the end, I think she was much more intimdated by my longterm exgfs then I was of her sexual partners, which triples mine. I just thought I would share as there seems to be a lot of 'slut shaming' or unacceptance of our current SOs sexual pasts, but after this discussion, I think past relationships are worse in a way (if either is 'worse').

What do you think?

  • I am more bothered by fewer but high quality relationships.
    43% (3)14% (1)29% (4)Vote
  • I am more bothered by many past partners, which were not meaningful.
    57% (4)86% (6)71% (10)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'll admit that both have made me feel a little insecure in the past, for different reasons, but not to the point where I let it interfere with my relationships. I suppose I'd say that that I felt a little more insecure about my partner's long-term relationships because they had a higher level of intimacy and familiarity. They knew the person better and had a lot more history, so there was more that they could potential compare me/our relationship too.

    I think that the thing that might be a "yellow flag" for me would be someone who had a high number of casual partners, but no serious partners (at least if they were someone my age). I'd wonder, have they never wanted a long-term relationship? Have they never found someone they connected with enough to have a long-term relationship? Etc.

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What Girls Said 3

  • He's not with them anymore, he's with me, so I'm not bothered at all.

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  • I just don't really care or think about his past partners. As long as they're STD free it doesn't bother me.

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  • i would feel more threatened by a long-term relationships because there is a lot of history there and there could still be feelings there

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What Guys Said 6

  • I'm not bothered by any as long as she was safe and responsible sexually. I don't want to catch anything lol

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  • The past is the past (STDs are the present)

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  • i just don't care bout her # of partners ;-)

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  • neither ^^ i care a shit about how many exes my SO has and how big their dicks are :D she's with me right here right now... and there was a reason why their relationships ended. I can only make it a better time ^^

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  • my fiancee has had over 20 partners before me and i was a virgin before her so ya it definitley intimatdated me at first but i remember that our sex life is fantastic she says i am the best sex she's had and that she really loves me and i am working to get over it

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  • This has actually been an issue in my current relationship.
    I've had relatively few relationships and all have lasted years (the shortest was five years).
    Meanwhile my partner has had well in excess of a dozen, and the longest was five years.
    Now in both relationship histories each of us has been a victim of various sorts of domestic abuse, violence and generall awfulness. So I think it's safe to say none of those relationships were exactly high in "quality".

    But it has been a sticking point that my SO is intimidated by how long and involved my relationship with my ex was (just stuff like I still sometimes find old items of her clothing in the depths of my basement, or files she left on my computer and I haven't deleated yet).
    Meanwhile I am frankly intimidated by how cassually she will raise the topic of one ex or another... and by how shockingly disgusting many of them are as individuals (one is a pathetic drunk ten years older than her who cassually brags about bedding 70 year olds, more than one cassually raped her, etc)... and I'm sorry to say thinking about them makes me feel slight disgust towards her, and the fact she continued relationships with them... which makes me feel awful to admit.

    So in essence I can understand either point. Personally however I think the 'previous longterm relationships' issue is somewhat more easilly dismissed: "He/She is with me now, and is unlikely to ever see them again", than the simple fact that when you walk into a bar in your small town your partner has probably slept with someone in there.

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