Online dating: useful, or a confidence-killing waste of time?

I live in a small, relatively boring city. I've tried various activities, classes, and sports, but when you get right down to it my social circle doesn't change very often. I'm nearly thirty, on the shy side, and I've found that since I've gotten out of college, meeting women is very difficult.

Has online dating proven helpful to anyone here? What were some of your experiences?

Updates:
If you haven't found your person by the time you graduate college, are you pretty much screwed?
Response is pretty unanimous...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Online dating has reportedly worked for some people, but largely seems like a waste of time to me. To be fair, though, I've never tried it.

    "If you haven't found your person by the time you graduate college, are you pretty much screwed?"
    Hahahaha, no, you're not. You simply need to get past the idea of dating within your social circle. That means asking out strangers.

    When you're out and about and you see a girl you fancy, talk to her. That's it. In the grocery store, in the cafe, at the park, walking down the street, in the mall--wherever you see a girl you fancy, say hello. Ask for a date.

    You can be strategic about it too. Want an ambitious career driven sort? Odds are you'll find a studious girl at a library. Want an athletic girl? Go to a park and find a runner. Etc, etc.

    Now heads up, you will have to get used to rejection. Even if you are really attractive, you will get rejected A LOT. That's just the nature of the game. As you get better, you won't have to ask as many girls before getting a date, but at first, you can expect infrequent dates. As you get better and more knowledgeable about how to ask for dates, you'll get them more consistently.

    Set a quota for yourself. Ask out 10 girls a day. The faster you pile up the rejections, the faster you'll learn how to get dates.

    Best of luck ;)

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    • That sounds like an awful way to go about life! I was never one of those guys who could do that lol

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    • @Curmudgeon
      Cheaply and easily? Yes.

      But asking in person is superior. You have to account for your fashion, the way you walk, talk, your non-verbals--in short, it forces you to develop your social skills in a way online dating just can't help you develop.

    • For some people, developing their written and verbal skills first could do nothing but help. Learning to crawl before one walks and all that...

What Girls Said 10

  • Online dating worked for me and my boyfriend. But I will say that the odds can be against a lot of guys because women (and men) are pickier online than in real life and a lot of guys experience a no/low response rate if they are not really attractive.

    I understand what you mean about it being hard to meet people after graduating college. I went into online dating because my social circle stayed the same and I didn't go out much. When I did go out, I rarely was approached. Online dating can be annoying, frustrating, and slow but for me it was also funny and interesting. My boyfriend is amazing and I can't imagine how my life would be right now if I had never given online dating a chance.

    You can try to venture outside your city or keep doing what you're doing now and hope for the best. Or you can give online dating a try. What have you got to lose? Not receiving a response is less of a blow than getting rejected in real life (I've gotten several no responses) and if that is all it takes to kill your confidence then you have bigger problems.

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  • Confidence booster.

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  • It's better for girls I think :-/

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  • waste of you time. just go to new places and meet new people

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  • I met my man on line 4 months ago. Now in a serious relationship. In a year he'll move in. And married in 1-2 years.

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  • I met my boyfriend of 7 months andplan to marry him. so worked for me.

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  • I don't date online. I think it's pointless and a waste of time.

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  • I've had a lot of success with on-line dating.

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  • My older brother met his wife on there, she's amazing. She was the first girl he wrote to, she instantly caught his eye. They have such a strong connection, and have been together for 6 years now.

    I hope when I'm ready to date, I can be so lucky. I'm shy and out of school myself. I work from home, so I can't meet new people as easily. I hope to find a guy that is serious about dating and potentially forming a lasting relationship, one who isn't just looking for a one night stand...

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  • Waste of time.

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What Guys Said 11

  • I did it until it eventually worked. A lot of girls would complain that guys only hit them up for sex. Thy hypocrisy lies in the fact that they would then offer up sex to me on the first dates. Guys don't respond well to this question because for a guy, you have to wait months and sometimes years for 1 girl to give you a chance. Girls seem to have unlimited numbers of guys hitting them up at once, and can thus pick and choose. Not sure why society loves to focus on how hard a life of a woman is for woman reasons, but refuses to consider the challenges of being a guy. I met someone great, but I had to meet a LOT of shitty girls before I met the good one. I'd say you might as well do it because you have nothing to lose (unless you pay for sites. by the way don't pay for sites). However, lower your expectations for a while.

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  • Online dating was a confidence killing waste of time for me. Made me feel like no girl in the world finds me attractive. I was on like 3 or 4 different online dating sites for like 2 to 3 months and did not get a single response from any girl. It sucks. You have to be attractive to have a chance.

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  • It's not a bad idea--making overtures to ladies from the privacy of your own home, on your own time, not wasting your money in lame clubs and bars. But you have to get an introduction and an upbeat story about yourself down pat.

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  • waste of time at least for me... i know it;'ll b doomed o_O

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  • m8, just join a club or communities somewhere.

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    • Options are limited around here. Tried that. No dice.

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    • Damned good question. If I knew, I'd be there. It seems like everybody my age is already long-since paired off.

    • Google event going on in your cities and attend them.

      At your age there no time for being shy anymore if you want to make friends, so you need to really try now. It suck i'm guessing.

  • I experimented with it and decided I didn't really like it.

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    • I haven't found someone and I'm out of college but I'm going to look for her in real life.

  • U can still attend college but can't attend class lel

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  • To me it was a confidence boost but I think local dating is still more handy.

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  • Dude online dating is a waste of time for any guy that is not good looking.

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  • you may be forever a loan dude but we can always go like buddies for beers and 8pool together. bros before chores... .

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  • Two guys on my staff did it with match. Com and both did well. One married a woman he met and the other is dating an incredibly hot blonde. both are VPs though :)

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