How would you respond to one of those non-apologies such,"I'm sorry you feel that way."?

My boyfriend says things like that whenever I call him out on things he does that bothers me. For example he might say,"I'm sorry that you feel that I ignored you at at the party." I hate that kind of "apology" because it invalidates my feelings. It tells me he's not sorry at all and thinks nothing is wrong with the way he's acting. How would you deal with a non apology. Would you call them out on it and what would you say?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You know what, that is a bastard of a comeback and is unfair. Its like lawyer talk and pisses me off. Be confident and believe your assertion is valid. I would say this "I don't feel fuck all, you are being a dick and telling me what I should be perceiving, are you fucking professor Xavier or some shit? im giving you an objective statement, you ignored me at the party, plain and fucking simple, and you are a dumb fuck for not seeing it. Do that again and I will leave you... I refuse to be with someone who a) is so delusional to think that you can "read" my mind, and b) does not respect me and my decisions"

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What Guys Said 2

  • You are correct. It does indicate an invalidation of your thoughts and feelings. It shows a profound lack of respect. There's likely little point in calling them out on it, as they will virtually never change their position or mindset. I myself would give one warning, then on a repeat offense I would move on without a word. Don't waste your time, life, body, or energy trying to change someone. Just find someone better suited to you and your needs.

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  • "it's ok pal ^_^"

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What Girls Said 6

  • I'd say, "Well, okay, but are you sorry for your part in this? For ignoring me? That's what I'd like to know."

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  • I hate those. I call them out and tell them to either apologize for real or gtfo.

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  • call him out on it. i hate that as well. when people don't take responsibility for THEIR part making your feel that way, and somehow it is your fault for feeling that way.

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  • I'm sorry you feel that his apology is a non apology or that it invalidates your feelings. I mean your non feelings.

    No... Wait... I'm sorry he feels non feelings... No.. You're sorry for not feeling his non feelings.., dang it... he's sorry that you're not feeling his feelings of non feelingness...

    Last time... I apologize that I feel your non feelings are invalidated for feeling as if your non feelings don't deserve an apology with feelings.

    There... I think.

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    • Lololol

    • Best read while doing your best John Cleese impression.

  • It depends on the way people say it. Like if it's blatantly insincere, reluctant, or they're just doing it to make you leave them alone, I'll respond with, "You're not sorry, and stop being an asshole about apologizing."

    But sometimes, the idea might be that they don't think what they did was wrong, but they genuinely are sorry that you're hurt. (Like I *only* use that kind of apology if, for example, I called someone on their bullshit and they got upset about it. I'm sorry I hurt them, but I'm not sorry for calling them out.) If I think that sort of apology is sincere, I take it as a sign that we should sit down and discuss the issue so we can understand where the other is coming from.

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  • "I'm sorry I'm dating you/I picked you as a friend" Would be my usual response. I call them out right away, point out the error so it doesn't happen again.

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