Is he overreacting that my texting response time is too slow?

I was dating this guy (30) who I met online for about 4-5 months. We were both really busy with work, so we got together about once a week. I have since broken up with him for multiple reasons, but I was thinking back to our relationship and wondering about this...
He was an avid texter and never called me. So, one night out, I said while I like texting sometimes, I would like to talk on the phone too sometimes. He is an expat with a crap phone plan, but I did add him to Skype. The only videocall we had over Skype was one I initiated, which was fun and went well. However, he never once initated one with me. He was not dating anyone else during this time, but remained active on the dating site we met on. (I could see he was logging in, without actually having to log into my account).

He would usually text me the day after we meet up or wait a couple of days. I am at work and he is too, but due to the nature of my job (healthcare), I would assume he would know I don't have time to respond, so I would usually respond in the evening to his texts. Half way through our relationship, I got really sick of his texting, so waited a couple days to respond to his text, after he texted me a second time to see if I got it. (Why wouldn't he just call me from his office phone or call me on Skype?) About a week or so after that, he just stopped responding and I didn't hear from him for almost 2 weeks... til he sent me a "Hey, Stranger, how have you been" text on a Friday evening... I responded the next day, and said something like, Hey, I liked you... but I'm not looking for a texting relationship or something casual, and since all you've done is send me sporadic superficial texts, I don't think this is going to work out. Good luck...

He had the nerve to write back saying communication doesn't work one way... I've waited half a day or sometimes a few days to get a response back to you, and that I never once sent him a spontaneous text. I looked back th


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is the type of thing you would expect from a teenage boy. Not a man. Its a shame when things turn into this. I once dated this guy who was a really good guy. Perfect marrying type. And for about two months it went fantastic and I thought I could see a real future with him. I should have picked up on the signs from the beginning about how possessive he was. Considering first week into knowing me, he told me he loved me, via text. Mind you, I'm 21 and he is 28. I thought, despite his forwardness, that he was a great guy. Well, he was always a huge texter. Me, not so much. I like my space and I also have two children so I'm hardly ever by my phone. I wake up everyday at 6:30am with my kiddos and I would already have 10+ text messages and fb messages from this guy. It got irritating really quick to say the least. So, I finally snapped one day (after repeatedly telling him to please tone it down, which he never would) and told him that I couldn't deal with it anymore. If I didn't text back within a half hour, I would get another text saying "answer me" or "text me back". Needless to say, I left him. And he also expected me to just pawn my kids off whenever he wanted to see me. And when I wouldn't, he decided to just move in and never leave (without asking my permission) and would think I was joking when I told him he needed to leave. He would think it was funny that my son wanted to hang out with him more than he wanted to hang out with his father. Needless to say, he was overall bad news. Even while being a great guy in every other aspect. And then, to top it off, after we split up he would not leave me alone. And he would still get pissed when I wouldn't text him back. Text message relationships that lead to clingy, overbearing and possessive men is not something I will ever want or need in my life. I feel for you!! Because I would never wish that on anybody lol I hated it so much.

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What Guys Said 3

  • u weren't that late...1 day really? and he got mad?

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  • I'm kinda in your situation. I get texts from my girlfriend from morning to night. First I was very touched she cares so much about me. And then it became way too much. It's like chocolate. It's sweet, but if you eat too much, you get sick of it. Now it feels like she's writing a diary on my phone.
    From the look of your writing, I don't think you like him as much as you did before. Just tell him how you feel about him now and ask him to text you, but call you instead.

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  • I dont think you guys were a match

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What Girls Said 2

  • You can't go into a relationship trying to change someone.
    You will find yourself getting even more angry and stressed out.
    You already voiced your needs and wants to him.
    He is falling short of meeting them every time.

    You have two choices :
    A) accept that he isn't much of a phone caller and more of a text messenger (find happiness in the things that he does do )

    B) stay broken up with him (because you feel like your relationship is lacking a very important connection which is basic one on one communication ).

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  • He's overreacting.

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