Tips on a shy guy?

I met this guy online about 12 months ago (we've talked through social media, text messages, and so forth). We've gone out a few times. He seems very shy, and nervous when we do go out. It can be -10C outside, and he has the ac blaring, he doesn't talk much, and stutters when he does just overall nervous and blushing the entire time. Lately, he has seems very off, disappearing for days, and then coming back acting like nothing, or avoiding going out. I will say are you free Monday, and he is always busy yet can text or talk away but gets really nervous if I suggest us going out. We never do anything big or in groups, its just him and me usually we like driving around and seeing new things. He has said a few things, such as people judging him he's worried about, or me starting a relationship and leaving, or taking everything (I know he's only had 1 girlfriend and what I can gather without poking she did a good number on him). I tend to be more outgoing, and can't figure him out whether he is shy/ nervous/ anxiety or just not interested without trying to hurt my feelings. If I suggest going for a drive he just shrugs it off saying he is busy, or make a joke out of it. I am interested in him, and willing to work with him to overcome this (if he is) except if I mention feelings, or anything along those lines he shuts down, avoids me for days then comes back acting like its nothing. Its a cycle over and over again, and I am trying to figure out how to help with it. If I get frustrating and preassure or yell at him he may say minimal feelings then shuts down, disappears for days (which is how I got out of him he is afraid of getting a relationship going and me find another guy, or similar reasoning). I just looking for tips how to help with him on his own terms, he is very stubborn over it and I am one stubborn person I find he tests me on little things. I just want to know what may be going through his mind, and ways to reassure/ get him over that hump.


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What Guys Said 1

  • guess u should b nicer towads him.. he just doesn't enjoy being in groups... and he's kinda sensitive as well since he shuts down after yellin at him :)

    • I do agree he doesn't like groups, he has a few close friends and that's his circle (which I am similar). I tend to be outgoing, and can talk to a stranger walking by. He is very sensitive I do agree. It's just rather frustrating when I suggest doing something or even texting the last week or two he'll send a few text messages then drop off the face of the earth come back like no big deal. I suggested going out this weekend (just the two of us for a drive), and he could think of every excuse. I just don't know how to be *nicer* as you put it, or make him comfortable.

What Girls Said 1

  • you have to make him feel more comfortable.

    • I tend to think we are fairly open wise to each other. But whenever it goes a little further he retracts the other way. I asked him to go out this weekend, and he either ignores, or always busy I believe its because he is so nervous/ shy he feel uncomfortable over it. But I dont know how to make him comfortable, without him disappear for a few days or getting upset.