Can a man be a gentleman to his girlfriend and also respect her as an equal partner in the relationship?

I have heard people say a man acting gentlemanly means that he thinks that women are less capable then himself. Can a man be a gentleman to his girlfriend by doing things like opening doors and paying for dinner, and also treat her as an equal partner in the relationship with equal power?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In my online dating profile, I say:

    "If you are comfortable with my very original idea for a first date, I would suggest that we meet for dinner at a nice restaurant on a Friday or Saturday night. I will open doors for you and I will pull out your chair to seat you and you will realize that chivalry is not dead. Yes, I know you can open the car door yourself; I do these things because I treasure you and not because I perceive you as being weak. If you offer to pay for anything, I will be polite. . . but that's not how traditional men do things."

    Some people think that if you behave like a gentleman, you must think exactly like men thought of women 150 years ago. That is absolute nonsense. Being a traditionalist doesn't mean you hang on to every tradition in the book. My online profile also says: "I'm 5'9"; I don't care if you're taller than me. I won't call the fashion police if you wear white shoes after Labor Day. Traditions are great, but some social conventions are just stupid!"

    If a woman thinks that a gentleman must be a sexist jerk, it says something about her hostile attitude towards men!

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What Girls Said 8

  • What a very odd way of looking at things.

    Lets take a man with has respect for a woman and somehow make that into a negative quality!

    I mean Wow!
    Being a gentleman doesn't mean that at all.

    It means the guy was raised with manners and knows how to treat a woman.

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  • opening doors and paying for dinner is a very narrow definition of gentleman

    But yes I believe you can be a gentlemen and still see your partner as equal. You know how in school they told no one culture is better than another, they're just different? Well that's BS but the same principle applies here. Different doesn't have to mean unequal

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  • Yes he can!

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  • Yes. Example: sometimes I pay for my fiends meals, not because I think they're incapable of Doug it themselves but because I appreciate them and want to do something special. And if they want I do it, I tell them that it's because they're awesome.

    Holding a door for your lady is fine. As long as your not doing it because she's small and dainty and has to be coddled. But because you like treating then special.

    It's not so much the actions but the idea behind why you do those actions

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  • I think so. I don't automatically equate being a gentlemen with not thinking of the female as equal. A guy that opens doors and pulls out chairs is just a guy with good manners to me. I don't feel like he thinks I'm incapable of doing these things myself.

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  • Of course. I think that being a gentleman should be all about respecting your partner (and yourself) and treating them well. Part of that is letting her treat you well too, so maybe let her pay for some dates 😃

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  • Yes. I think that a man being gentlemanly is cute and nice, but that's just my opinion. I like it. Keep being a gentleman.

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  • Yes. I don't know why people think it's mutually exclusive.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Yes. When a guy opens a door for a girl (or anything like this) it's not like he thinks she can't open it herself. It's just a door. If I opened a door for a girl (which I personally do all the time) and she got upset, I'd be pissed. Probably slam it in her face and lock her out.

    Not really, but I'd want to

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  • Acting as equals in a relationship leads to failure. They only work when one or both holds the other's value "above" their own in action and intention.

    So, its possible to be a gentleman and respect her "beyond" himself in a relationship, but concerning yourself with dividing every aspect in a relationship exactly 50-50- takes too much work to allow for much else.

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  • In an equal relationship both parties do good things to one another not because they're socially expected to do them but because they like doing good things to each other. Something as simple as opening a door should be done by whomever reaches that door first. Paying for a night out should be done by whomever has the most cash to spend at the moment.

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  • To a degree from your example being polite and courteous yes but paying for everything don't know about that really depends on how much cash you both have.

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  • This is what fucked up feminism wants - treatment like a 'lady' when it suits them (holding doors, paying for dinner,) and equality and power the rest of the time.

    If she wants equality, she can pay for her own damn dinner.

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