Seriously, it's as if every aspect of, my life is geared towards destroying my confidence and sense of self worth? Seriously, I'm constantly ignored, dismissed, or talked down to by people, even though I try to be kind and respectful to everyone, it's gotten to the point that when I don't wish everyone would just die I want to treat people as badly as they treat me, and I should. I have friends in name only, considering they're never fucking there for me and never hang out with me. Since I'm always alone I see people outside with friends and lovers and I despise them, I say they're weak and pathetic but deep down I know I'm just lonely. Since everyone, even my teachers, treat me like I'm worthless I feel almost nothing but hatred for everyone and everything, including myself. Since my parents would rather pretend I somehow got over my depression, and since my therapist is basically useless, I have nobody to turn to, which is why I rant on here. On on top of all that, I feel very insecure about race, to the point of being psychotic about it at my worst. I go to a mostly white school, so, it's always in the back of my mind that, perhaps people treat me so badly because I'm black/not white (since black people don't accept me because of my skin tone). Except, no, because other black kids have friends. Next is my issue with girls, another thing I'm deeply insecure about. At this point my mission is to have sex with some random girl (don't care who) to get over the one I have a crush on, mostly so I don't have to talk to her because I don't want to get rejected by another (white) girl and hate myself even more. I'm have insane because of it, since, while I've never had a girlfriend, since starting high school every girl I know is white and they're all just rejecting me because I'm black, at least I feel that way. I mean, why should I even talk to her, she's beautiful and popular, I'm just some loser that no one likes that hates himself. Honestly, how could I be confident?
Most Helpful Girl
you should see a counselor.0