My mom disapprove my brother's Asian girlfriend?

My younger brother is 19. He has an Asian girlfriend. She met all our siblings (I have 5 siblings). She's a very nice girl and she's so down to earth gorgeous. She's so submissive and I can see my brother's future with her and he'll be in good hands. Our family is white by the way. Our mom, however, doesn't like her because she's an Asian. According to her Asian is an inferior race and if they were to get married it would have a bad effect on her grandchildren. As an older sister, I feel so bad for my brother. How can I convince my mom to get rid of her odd thoughts? I just feel like I need to do something in this situation because I know his girlfriend personally and she's very nice. Also, she's an international student, which makes my mom thinks she's using my brother for a green card but I can tell she isn't, I can see they love each other for real.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, if you want to go with a stereotype, Asians have a very huge stereotype stuck to us that we excel in every academia available. What we touch we instantly absorb into our minds for centuries. (Not entirely true, but it's universally expected. Growing up with not the same blessed ability of drive I can vouch that every non Asian i met as a child ask me why I wasn't good at math. To be honest if I could explain I would but it's gibberish to me. I excel at English and history though...)

    Asian parents, esp those from aboard with first generation children, also push our children to strive to be the best the can be, almost to a frightening level. There are enough Asian teens/adults providing parodies of their experiences and parental expectations of them on youtube.

    But I also believe in her worry though not so much. I have a friend a little older then your brother who married an international student out of love and she ran off with all there belongings half a year into their marriage. And he has his own construction company too so it's crazy she would just run back to vietnam!

    It'll take time but I hope your mother comes around.

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    • That story about the girl running off is very odd she's just a very odd person lol but this girl doesn't seem that crazy. The problem with my mom is 1) she thinks white is the best gene and she wants her grandchildren to have it all 2) she doubts her love for him. And I think 2 of her reasoning is not true. If this exact same girl is a white she wouldn't think this way which is unfair :/

    • My parents have the same mentality but they are not dicks about it. My sister and I currently aren't dating Asians and they have accepted it because hate and projection is not how you properly raise happy children, it's just not nuturing.

      While your mother seems very narrow minded about this... I am sorry to say it's really up to her. If she really resents other races then it's really hard for her to change for having such a set mindset. You should ask her to ask herself and maybe record herself talking to a camera (like vloging), what is more important to her, her son's happiness or her bigot views because it seems like race isn't a problem for him, you or your siblings so if she wants to stay resentful then she will live a lonely life because you all may marry and have interracial families and she can't hate all of you. Reframe from using the word bigot though lol.

    • Plus, knowing more then one dialect is a skill that is HIGHLY desired. Many high paying jobs will probably love to have multi-langual speakers to expand their businesses because this world is uniting and sharing. No one can stop that. No. One. I mean terrorists are trying but who really wants to side with terrorists.

What Guys Said 12

  • damn your mom must be traditional as fuck if she sees an entire ethnicity of people as "inferior". i can't stand living with parents of that caliber, its 2015 hahaa.

    you can't convince your mom. only your brother and his girlfriend will be able to show your mother through time that she really is an admirable woman. its not something that will be done over night.

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  • Your mom needs a reality check. If she is doesn't get with the program, then one of two things will happen:

    1. Her son will lose a girl he loved, and he'll blame her and resent her for it.

    2. Her son stays in an interracial relationship, she continues to disapprove, and her son drifts away from her.

    So yeah, it's her choice if she wants to act like this, but there's gonna be consequences; stupidity always brings consequences.

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  • Absolutely nothing you can do, in the short term, to change someone with this sort of prejudice.

    My advice would be to tell her to shut up each and every time she voices any such thought, and reassure your brother you don't share this attitude. Tell her to shut up in the presence of your brother and the girl friend.

    I know this will be hard, but it will be for the best for all of you, INCLUDING your mother. Being told to shut up by her daughter might make her stop and think a little.

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  • Blasphemy!!! I shun yer mom!!! >:V

    We Asians may be terrible drivers but in school we get straight A's!!!

    Good jobs to pay for our expensive car insurance. XD

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    • Asker thinks dating is marrying.. :P

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    • I doubt she would want to be part of your family. She could always find another white guy. Your brother won't be the last. I can't see her being intimated by you and your family. So marriage is definitely out of the question. I think think 19 yos are into marrying at that age.

  • Please bitch slap your mom for me. Hopefully it'd shake her brain

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  • You can't do anything to get rid of your Mom's views on this. But, I do suspect, that if your brother marries her, that, over time, your Mom will warm up to her and the fact that she is Asian.

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  • He's old enough to decide for himself. He can choose who he dates and who he can sleep with

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  • Rather than scolding your moms behaviour.. the only way to convince her is to make her realise that the girl is actually good in behaviour and can be the best girl your brother can get in this world.. if the girl dare , she should spend some time with your mother maybe she realise thats being so nice is not for getting a green card.

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  • WTFUCK IS UP WITH YOUR BAT SHIT CRAZY MOM

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  • That's kind of fucked up... If your mom is stubborn its going to be hard to convince her.

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  • I don't think it matters that much what she thinks. Happy for your brother.

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What Girls Said 9

  • Tell your mom:
    http://i.imgur.com/FJiBF.gif
    Tell your brother:
    31.media.tumblr.com/.../...mwY1qget4uo1_r1_500.gif
    www.survivingcollege.com/.../...ng-Your-Thang1.gif
    ------
    Your mother may be very racist, but brother is a grown man and can do whatever he wants.

    He should tell your mother: "I love you mom and I appreciate you raising me, but this is my life and I will marry who I choose. No race is inferior. If your ignorance blinds you, so be it, but I'm not going to hold myself back from happiness and a fulfilling future because of your vile mindset and wishes. If you couldn't love your own grand children simply because they weren't completely Caucasian, you don't deserve them anyway."

    BUT SERIOUSLY, your brother is a grown man and if your mother truly loves you all, she'll get over it. NO ONE IS INFERIOR and your mother needs to learn that.

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  • Ah ha! There you go international student. What I am going to say is not like I am adding oil to fire. It could be true or it could be not true. Most Asian international students are down to earth, regardless of their gender. I am Asian too, raised here since baby but was born in Malaysia. I'm a US citizen. Anyways, you are a very nice sister. But I have to remind you that what your mom thinks is wrong either. I have heard and seen many cases from international students using this method to get their green cards. Your brother is still young. He is only 19. Just let it flows with the time.

    I am glad that my boyfriend's mom is so open-minded and his sister. When I started to date my boyfriend I was afraid that his mom will not going to like because I am Asian. Although, my boyfriend kept saying don't worry my mom loves you (he showed her my picture). When I met her, she was welcomed me like a family member. Probably I was raised here, and of-course not an international student. If I were not, then my boyfriend's mom would act the same way as your mom. And I don't blame that.

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    • She's from Singapore it's not a terrible country. I don't think she's desperate enough to use my brother for that purpose and I think my mom's concern is due to the fact she doesn't like to have an Asian daughter in law lol. But that's alright she's changed her mind on that I hope.

    • Yeah, I hope so both for your mom will change her mind and for that girl is not using your brother. :)

    • Although you mom doesn't like her son to date and Asian girl. Try to get your mom and the Asian girl connect more. For example, when she comes over (if she is allowed to) try to have from small conversation then gradually increase the level of conversation. :)

  • Can you define submissive? lol

    Your mum isn't comfortable around ethnics.. I wonder how she'd feel about the blacks too. You can't change her mind what she thinks.

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    • Submissive? She's shy doesn't talk too much and do whatever my brother asks for lol.

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    • I'm sorry you're offended but I didn't know Asian girls were mean and difficult. I thought most were considered nice and quiet by other people? Not sure how that would offend you. To me that's better than being considered mean haha

    • @zoeymercer stop trolling my thread and don't fuck up my words. You clearly do not understand English .

  • your mom is wrong to think this way about the girl who might be the future of your bro... so did any of your siblings talked to her about it?

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    • It all started when my mom was excited to hear that my bro has a girlfriend and wanted him to invented her over to meet the parents since she already met all our siblings. Not until she showed up she realized the girlfriend is an Asian and the dinner's atmosphere is the heaviest atmosphere I've ever handle... My mom wasn't happy, and I think his girlfriend probably notice that without us telling her about it... Plus it's awkward for me to tell her, if anything my bro can tell er himself.

    • yes your bro should talk to your mom

  • I am an Asian girl, and I am taking an interest with a white guy!
    However my mom didn't like the idea of me dating a guy that wasn't Asian, but he visited our home once and did chores and have small meaningful conversations with my family. If your brother's girlfriend noticed your mother's behaviour, tell her not to be bothered too much. And convince your mother to give her a chance to show her positive traits and all. I wish all the luck to your brother and his girlfriend! And it's nice for you as a concerned sister. Have a nice day :)

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  • i cannot believe that your mom thinks like this.. well u shd just support your brother.. dont give a damn what she thinks.. its his life.. he shd b with the one who makes him happy..

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  • Your brother is 19!! Why is your mom interfering with who he dates. And she feels that a race is inferior? Which generation is she living in?

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    • Because he still lives under her roof I think. I don't see why she thinks Asians are inferior. I certainly don't think so.

  • has your mom met her yet?

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    • Yeah, one time for dinner. The atmosphere was so heavy... Too much tension going on even I feel uncomfortable let only her. His girlfriend stayed quiet the whole time...

  • that's so messed up...

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